Almost ready

MOTH went out camping last night to catch mud crabs mostly. He came home with 7 bucks and complained about all the Jenny's he had to put back. I think 7 mud crabs are a positive sign to the start of our holidays.
Poor MOTH though - he now views the holiday as dragging him away from crab season.

I made tags for our luggage and supervised William's packing. I washed and searched for our itinerary details that went strangely missing. The latter caused a terrible mess... and I have just spent ages putting everything back where I pulled it all out of. Everything is now organised and fine.

I made labels for the dogs too that explain we are on holidays and where we live. MOTH did enhance our already 8 foot high fencing because we are worried about them.

The problem is.. the dogs don't like them at all and are trying to chew them off each other and themselves already. Buggar.

I want the house clean before I leave and... I cant see that really happening. This pc tower is going to a dear friend for some more ram, a better video card and I want a new tower now... in readiness for Vista which will happen... sometime later. So I will drag Anna's tower out here for our dog sitters to use because I have asked them to feel free to play on the Internet and watch the pay tv - just so that my dogs have some human company. And air conditioning - it is already very hot here.

One day to see Bernie and Natalie and Joy and the kids! Wednesday morning to see my daughter Sara, Chris and my grandson Jay! Five days to see one of my cousins and maybe my aunt can make it too! Six days to see my father, stepmother, brother, sister-in-law and the kids! Eight days to see my mother.

I am so excited it is ridiculous! And it is almost 1 am and I better clean the kitchen and get to bed.

The beginning of my holidays...

And I have the flu. Don't stand near me when I sneeze - it is disgusting. I do recall earlier in the week the little people at work sneezing into the playdough and putting their arms up for me to cuddle them as they were covered in sneeze. I actually recall thinking "I am over being sick now - I don't need gloves or to refuse them their cuddles".

MOTH has gone camping over on one of the islands at The Narrows with a friend. I have packing, further planning and cleaning the house (so that the burglars don't think I am a slob? I guess....)

We should be leaving here around 11am for the drive to Tweed Heads with plenty of stops. Monday night at Joy's and then to Wet & Wild. I suspect MOTH doesnt want to go to the theme park - but if Joy and the kids are coming I think I can hang around for a while!

Best I stop fiddling about, sniffing and dripping and go do something constructive.

Wishing for the Little things

For heavens sake Little things (I tried to spell Marylana over a dozen times before I gave up and declared myself an idiot speller)please add me to whatever has to be added to.

I miss your eloquence, honesty and I.. well I just like reading your blog and wondering how much fun we would have if you lived closer.

Anna got her learners permit this week

Wednesday afternoon Anna got her learners permit to drive. She rang me very excited from the registry office as she waited for the license to be issued. As they handed her her license she complained to me on the telephone the photograph was not flattering. Then she made her way to my work to show me and my colleagues her prized possession.

She got herself to and from the Department of Transport after school. My daughter is in no way perfect but I love the way she does what she has to.

Today I took a break from some homework I have to do as a job requirement and took the kids to the Botanical gardens for lunch and to feed the ducks etc. MOTH left early for fishing and by midday I was sick of sitting and answering boring questions.

Anna and Jane babysat one of the kids from my work last night and were paid handsomely for something they thoroughly loved doing.

Time for your driving lesson Anna!

She is doing very well - learning in a manual and being bored to death with the start/stop, feel and learn the clutch and the gears... stall, kangaroo hop and sometimes get it right. She has not complained or gotten frustrated at me yet. Unfortunately she can tell when I get frustrated with her. I think that is because it IS Anna - and I don't tend to hide my feelings to her. I hide them to anyone else. I get worried when she stalls too often because MOTH raved on and on about how the clutch was due to die soon and the cost of driving for so many hours. Shortly afterwards though he filled my car with petrol and is definitely competing with me on which parent can be available for driving lessons.

MOTH and I are actually competing on who gets to take her out most often for her lessons. We are sadder than I thought.

By late next week she will be on the roads confident and competent. With a proud mother and stepfather beaming happily at our success.

In Queensland she has to complete 60 hours of driving before she can get her Provisional license and drive alone. So every day MOTH and I fit what we can into driving with her to complete her log book.

One more week till our holidays and during them my father will take her for lessons too! I don't want her driving an automatic car until she has mastered a manual no matter how easy they are to drive.

I want my studies to be in advance before I go. I hate doing them because they are so boring. It is kiddy stuff that we all know so there is little to interest me whilst doing it.

I want detailed and informative information for my replacement at work to ensure that my gorgeous children are all cared for as well and smoothly as possible. It is odd how anxious I feel about them. I am pretty sure writing threats to my replacement as to what I will do with them if they make any of my children even remotely unhappy is not a good idea. Somehow I will have to just convey that feeling to the workplace.

William attends school camp on the week we return and I need to organise some things for that.

I will need to cull Anna's packing by 90%. Otherwise the plane wont take off. I think Jane will pack nothing as usual so that we have to replace everything she needs. William cannot be trusted to pack even his shoes. I put presents for my grandson in a safe place and now I cannot find them.

Sara spent her 22nd birthday in hospital with cysts on her ovary - and I wish we were already there.

I havent managed to assist Jane with healthy eating or exercising - but she did walk herself to her job Saturday morning even though we offered to drive her if she woke us before 6am. She wasnt too unreasonable this weekend. She had a mosquito on her arm today and I slapped it - and told her "There - now you CAN tell people I hit you." I dont think her boss is paying her - but I cant discuss it with her because she gets so angry with me. OK - all I could do is tell her not to do it. I am a rotten example there because I often do volunteer work.

Last night Meg and the kids came around and after a shared bottle of wine we made fools out of ourselves on Singstar (Playstation game) and had heaps of fun.

Meg and her kids are going to look after our dogs while we are away. Although I trust them - I am anxious for my spoilt dogs. They dont like to be alone. They are big and dumb and spoilt. They act as if I have committed crimes when they are alone for four hours. I come home from work every day for lunch mostly to tend to their personalities. They like climate control and sofas and blankets. Food warmed and snacks in between meals. Dotti cries when she has fleas. I lazily let the dogs chase the car instead of walking them as often as I can/should. They often chew up or dig up stuff if I am late or in some way negligent.

Shame the kids at work and the dogs cant come with me for my holiday. I would feel so much better.

Happy Birthday Sara

Sara turned 22 today. My oldest daughter... With a baby of her own.

I don't have to wish her happiness and love. She has the brains and beauty to find her happiness and know she is loved.

The exciting bit is only 2 weeks until we will all be down there together again. I last saw them in February for daughter No 2's 16th birthday.

Two weeks till we drive to Tweed Heads and visit our beloved friends there. Then fly to Sydney and my daughter, her spouse and my grandson - Harbour bridge climb; the girls head to Justin Timberlake's concert and the whole touristy thing there! We are going to visit my cousins and maybe see some Aunts and Uncles. Then hire a car and drive south to see my father and step mother and show my kids where I played when I was young. Then a magnificent feast at my Mama's in Bowral. The zoo and sushi train with my grandson. The whole tourist thing with the kids in Sydney.

Mostly - just chilling with all my kids and some music and giggles. Arguing about what is fashionable or daggy - in anything and everything.

It is so close now it is kinda scary. I keep fretting over my itinerary. I have prepaid many things. Two weeks just doesn't seem long enough.

Different storms...

Hot and muggy all day. But right now it is gorgeous with lovely rain and a brief electrical storm and display earlier. I love to watch storms. I guess everyone does really.

The storm waited until I was home from work too.. which meant that the afternoon was outdoors - so much happier kids! I want the rain to stop before morning whereas MOTH of course wants the rain to continue - he doesn't work in the rain.

After work we took a workmate to the local mall to show her how to use the digital camera photo kiosks. My workmate is from the Philippines and has recently bought the camera so she can show her mother back home the photos. A week or more ago I went to her house to help her set up her printer.

At the mall MOTH found a keyboard at Big W that was priced ok - and Jane has wanted one for some time. The discussion was about putting it away for Christmas. I knew that was unlikely to happen - I always ruin secrets like that because I cannot wait. I didn't of course - and gave it to her immediately on our return from home.

She was so pleased she cheerfully cooked and assembled hamburgers for dinner. Smiling and gracious checking that the family members had enough to eat!

It feels weird because of course the past behaviour doesn't warrant any treat and certainly not a big one. I want her to behave just so I can buy the rest of the PlayStation2 Singstar games! We bought her that for her birthday and we all have had fun playing on it.... I look forward to the rest of the games and I NEVER play games on the machines.

Wonder if tomorrow morning Jane will happily get out of bed and get ready for school without a major carry on? Maybe she will speak to us and not spend hours in her room or try to sneak onto the internet at midnight? Maybe she wont fight with her siblings!

MAYBE it was money well spent. Or ....MAYBE I am still a complete schmuck.

The school holidays

William spent the first week with his father in Rockhampton. Oh - look Tom is currently running second in the trainer premierships! Next holidays I should make all the kids visit!

Actually I tried that these holidays - but the girls refused to budge. I was aware he had won a few races.

I took William and his mates to the movies.. Jane declined to go to and so I let William take another mate with him.

One lunch hour of mine my kids Anna & Will (and Damien) met me at work and we went to KFC and then to the duckpond to feed the critters.



My youngest daughter had been fighting with her siblings and refusing to dress or get out of bed before midday so sadly she didnt attend this with us. I have a feeling it hurts me more than it hurts her.

Anna and I work at places 200 metres apart - and she started work when my lunch hour finished. Because of the nature of school holidays the lunch was hurried because I had to be late... long boring story about rubbish that shouldnt happen.

Just another reason I like dogs. And small people.

We went ski tubing and picnicking. That was mostly fun but there was a little bit of a disaster. Well - ok in my mind a big disaster.
When my friend and her daughter indicated they wanted to go on a boat ride and I used what I thought was tactful comments about how the two year old couldn't go on the boat because of the lack of a suitable floatation device..... it didn't work. And so when I realised he was indeed on the dam without it I... went and called MOTH in and blasted the snot out of him. I don't need words to blast MOTH anymore - he was completely aware how mad I was. I gave him a mouthful later just because I can.

It was MOTH's birthday.

When my grandson was here.. that law wasn't so strict. You certainly had a duty of care and had to carry floatation devices... but the law has changed since. My son Will is somewhat short for his age and attracts the attention of those who patrol such laws... I suspect the floatation devices we bought for my grandsons use would not pass the laws now about children on boats. But anyway we didn't have them. I think they are here but I don't think they would pass the new laws anyway. I know they don't have the ratings on them they need to pass the laws. By new laws I am talking two or three years old. And we just didn't risk my grandson on the boat three years ago.

I know accidents almost never happen. I know all of that. But I do know if they happen the consequences can be huge. I have lost the ability to take mad risks.

I was really wild though. Had MOTH been pulled up with mother and child without the required stuff - he does his car license as well as his boat license. I took it all out on MOTH. It is his license after all. His fine. Trust me these people aren't gunna pay you back the fine.

And I guess I started the day wild enough that the child didn't have a suitable car seat.

Believe it or not the whole story gets worse. I will write about it.. but I think just hashing this tonight has been enough.

It was meant to be a fun day. It ended up a disaster day. I stood there thinking what the fuck am I doing? I am allowing disasters to be a potential by fostering relationships that are not healthy for me. I adore MOTH and he thinks he is doing what I want when he accommodates my friends.

I don't care how brilliant a mother you think you are. How brilliant a swimmer or diver. You lose your kid in a dam that big... you are toast. Sink in it yourself... it isn't long before you cant see daylight and it is so so big. My daughter and I spent ages buying and tying my grandson into his floatation devices. We bought two cause we couldn't make up our minds.

And I might be being pessimistic. But I also read the paper and always cry at the small children lost out of stupidity.

I KNOW my friends love their kid. I KNOW my friends have many lovely qualities.. but I am wild with them. Really wild.

And I dont want to be wild.

How a lousy $50 messed up my week

Over the holidays my youngest daughter Jane babysat some children that attend my works after school care program. I was surprised and somewhat concerned when I noticed Jane had some financial issues – she refused attending the movies with the family (I was shouting but her attitude meant I didn’t elaborate that fact) and then another issue with the girls requirement of expensive footwear when I will only pay for basic footwear – and Jane went without. I suspected the mother of the children she babysits had not paid her and therefore I was annoyed with the mother….

My annoyance reached a crescendo that highlighted my madness on Monday morning when the mother rang at 6.20 am and asked Jane to babysit the children as they were sick – even though Jane is attending her last formal year of junior high school and school resumed that day. By the time Jane informed me of this fact – and I am heading out the door to pick up a workmates 3 year old and start work at 8 am myself…the difficulty of being able to pick and choose your fights with a troubled teenager.. and with a few words chosen straight from the gutter of the fishdocks I didn’t choose to drag Jane to school and let her proceed to her babysitting job.

Even though I had a hankering that something was very amiss with Jane’s finances.

Turns out Jane had lent one of my friends $50 and this had caused her poverty during the school holidays. Apparently one of my friends had taken Jane to a mothers group Monday week past and had a transaction declined at a store. Jane offered the money immediately.

Another example of Jane being the beautiful person that she is. Jane can be taciturn, willful, deceitful, hell she can tell damn ass lies about us…she can be lazy, she can be violent towards her siblings; but…. Sometimes – especially with children, animals sick or the elderly she can be so caring and lovely. Give you her last $50 (it nearly bloody was because I was getting ready to give her boss a mouthful for not paying her)

Jane did not tell me about the transaction because… well I am not entirely sure why. Why my friend didn’t tell me about the damn thing… annoys me too. My friend is not particularly good at remembering her debts. I cringe when she asks me to buy her cigarettes or something and she will pay me back. There is a good 50% chance she will somehow forget or manage to jip you with some “deal” to repay it. Always a good chance you wont see the money when it was promised to you. It IS only money and I remind myself that is not what is important to me.

Anyway – I put the money into Jane’s account. And I fielded a weird phone call this morning before 8am from my friend requesting stuff she insisted on lending me months ago that I am sure went back inside her resume folder I was working on at the time. She had wanted me to use it for a selection criteria for myself that I was not very interested in doing. It was the worksheets and information from years ago when we both did a volunteer course for a local organization that I thought was all crap then.

There is more. And in the weird way of blogging it will all probably come out back to front. Life feels like that a bit to me at the moment. It is completely back to front to go to work and see smiles and receive hugs to the knees, giggles and growth and then to feel hammered when I go home… to three teenagers fighting all watching pay tv, playing on the internet or on xbox or ps2 telling me what they want (that they interpret as need). Sometimes I take it out on the dogs or MOTH. Not that they are perfect either, and of course I am so far from perfect it horrifies me….

I wonder if it is too late to teach MOTH and the dogs not to eat on the sofas? Sure would beat yelling at them. I don’t know why I never remember Dotti is deaf when I yell at her.