Insert swear words here.

I either lost or had stolen my wallet today. I think I must of just let it fall out of my handbag. Well - I hope that is what happened.

Either way it really, really blows. I have both of our keycards in there, other cards including my drivers license, medicare and the damn blue cards (working with children and the safety one for the construction industry.) I had just been to the bank, but luckily I only got out $100 cash and just transfered the rest to an account I have internet access too.

What a bastard. I really needed this now. Anyone wanna help me find the safe place I put my birth certificate in?

Banana's really dont do cold!

Sunday night we had fish for dinner. And - utilising the banana leaves from out the back yard (cause I was too mean to walk across the road and buy aluminium foil) we wrap the fish up and shove it on the BBQ outside because cooking inside is simply a fight between the air conditioners and the cooker - and the cooker usually wins. Anyway - as standard practise here.. I threw the left over leaf up on top of the fridge - to use on the rest of the fish later this week maybe... and somehow yesterday I slammed it into the freezer ... only for a short time while I was cooking. I have left these leaves for a week before and they are fine to use. But look how quickly the cold effected it!

Doesn't take a dreadful lot to amuse me huh?

Back to school - and where to start!

Yes - I know the pictures blurry. I should of checked before he left.

My three younger children returned to school this morning. Anna in year 11, Jane in Year 10 (at boarding school) and William in year 7. His very last year of Primary School. Was only a second ago I teared at his first day of school.

I thought Will started back on Tuesday - and didn't realise he started today until late last night. Bummer - cause I procrastinated the covering of school books and the fight with the contact. Anna and Christian covered a few for him after the fish dinner.... and I have the rest of the pile waiting for me on the dining table.

I have been looking forward to this day. I have lists of stuff I want done. And all I have done today is wander around examining the house and eyeing my art projects, the piles of paperwork I have promised to attend to - whilst kinda watching the movie Maryln Hotchkiss Ballroom dancing. My friend M just rang to see if I wanted to go to lunch - but I already ate. I am thinking a nap sounds good.

The weekends fishing.. and me bitching...

Ok - they caught fish. Excuse me if I sound bored. I am simply jealous.
I did my very best to look interested at the tales of the throw backs and ones that got away.

But I was dirty as hell that I had to play taxi, do housework and be completely boring all weekend. I was annoyed that my own inability to deal with his mates constant swearing meant that I couldn't come along for all the fun. Or that actually I was never invited to come along.

Realistically - I had to get Jane back to school and pick up William. And I should have something to amuse myself with in situations like this. And the fact I was lonely was all my own fault - I am perfectly capeable of going to visit my girlfriends. But I didn't... I sulked.

I was simply jealous. I am simply jealous.

Oh - and the camera posted these pictures as the wrong date? Christian forgot our camera and used the mates when they got home. It was today the pictures where taken.

Toddler taming ... the memorys and thank heavens I no longer do it.

My girls graciously offered to babysit our friends' beautiful son on Thursday night. Toddlers look just so adorable don't they?
My girls "forgot" they had also committed to attending an all "marathon movie session" that night. Convenient huh!
I got the chance to remember what bloody hard work toddlers are - to identify the fact that over time my house became child unfriendly. Reminded that toddlers will find the sewing kit first, can empty the contents of a cupboard quicker than we can go to the toilet and can make just one piece of peanut butter toast spread over an entire household. As his mother slept off her night out, and my girls came home at 6am needing sleep before their respective work, Christian cleared off fishing out at the islands - Marley and I amused ourselves.
I did enjoy watching him on the front verandah in the rain. We went to look at it and I enjoyed watching him learn the difference between the dry floor and the slippery wet floor. I loved how he blinked at the rain and first tried to catch it with his hands and then with his mouth. We both got pretty wet and dirty (never knew I had that much dog hair on the front verandah actually) as we slid on our bottoms and knees and as I watched his first clumsy attempts to walk, and falls and then as he mastered the slippery surface.We both needed a bath afterwards.
I did forget the dirty nappies. I really did. Completely. And I gagged and my eyes watered and I ... was so pleased those days are over for me. That was another bath. I threw him in the bath fairly often actually. Good thing he likes them.
For his birthday about 5 months ago I made him a paper mache dog. He recognised a pig and a teddy bear made out of the same materials and painted similarly - but the pig has a much smaller money hole than his dog. He knew to find my purse and hold it towards the bear and pig to indicate to me he wanted to play put the money in. So we did. Until I had exhausted every possible coin pile in the house. We even went out to the cars to find coins.

That is a picture of his dog the day I gave it to him.
It was an interesting experience - something I did for so many years.. and yet I was so tired when they departed. I kinda rushed them in the end - the poor mother had a hangover and was dodging phone calls for a BBQ she was meant to attend. I even packed up three types of salad for her to take to the BBQ so that she didnt have to attend the lines at IGA. I have enjoyed the relative freedom that happens once the children become semi-independant. Going to the toilet and having a bath alone are examples of what you gain with their growth.
But at the same time - the marvel at their skills developing every minute your with them. The pleasure when he repeats the words as I point to the picture and say the word. My dogged behaviour wherein obviously he has been taught rediculous words for the pictures and I want him to use the "real" one. The slow embarrassment and blush when I realise it is so not my place to do that. But I persisted anyway. "Nah, not birdie - BIRD - Nah not a woof - it's a dog!"
He used Rocky (our dog) as a climbing stool. Rocky didnt seem to mind Marley just climbing on him first before the pull to the sofa. My dogs became agitated if Marley whinged. My dogs also constantly stole his food and waited behind him to see what he would drop next. Dotti even ate his grapes! I guess if the kids eating them they must be ok? They happily cleaned up the dropped pasta and three bean salad that he dropped on the floor.
The pleasure when he freely hugged and mouthed me.An open mouth slobbering on you isnt quite a kiss. Or as he twiddled both my hair and his hair around his fingers as he reluctantly fell asleep.

Wonderful anticipations

I am trying hard to not dance or sing and weird everyone out.

But Sara comes home on the 15th of next month. And I JUST CANT WAIT for my oldest daughter and my grandson to be here. (Her boyfriend too - and thats fine)

While I try to be interested in everyone elses stuff - constant taxiing of Jane to work and friends, preparations for Anna's 16th birthday - fretting over the bills .. being a fun companion to Christian as he has an extended holiday - extension to girlfriends selection criteria to be ready by Monday - I have stuff I want to do for the places I like to help and I promised help to some other friens - old friends arriving etc.... all I am really thinking is Sara likes chicken best. And she wont eat pork. And what I can cook her. And what to cook her for breakfast - she loves to have breakfast cooked for her when she is grumpy. My Sara is no morning girl.

My grandson loves to eat desserts. (Ok - so anyone who remembers the pumpkin ice cream could disagree with me there)

Suddenly finishing the painting of the rooms is important again.

My mind is racing with WHY she is coming home. But of course that isn't important. What matters is she IS COMING.

How I must not bite when she wants to argue with me. And how it is time I let go of the hurt of the past - she and I aren't all that different. Both of us had a child when we were still children.

If I write any more "To do" lists I will send myself crazy.

But my baby is coming home. On the 15th February till the 27th. I think I am just going to bust waiting.

The new mailbox at Brady's farm - or the art of recycling.

For years the mailbox at the farm has been a fridge. But last week the microwave blew up. Our dear friend Bernie is not about to let a perfectly useful appliance not find a new use.

Anna, Madison (Anna's best friend) Christian and Bernie and Natalie with the new mailbox.

There is an old kitchen sink down at the farm dump - if we assembled them all in a row... the post lady could probably fix herself a snack?

We enjoyed a lovely lunch, lovely company and came home with a boot full of cow poo.

Contented! Love Mel.

Playing at Awoonga

Friday we took the girls out to Awoonga dam for a play on the water and brunch BBQ.
The weather was perfect - slightly overcast and not madly hot. Better still - the park was pretty much vacant and we were left to play by ourselves.

The scenery was gorgeous.

The amenities wonderful, ranger's help freely and cheerily given and to complain about anything - would only be other careless (read revolting) previous visitors who had left all their plastic and rubbish under our shelter.


The kookaburras cackled until we fed them. It is always amusing to watch them "kill" the already dead food. (Click on the photo to see it larger)
However nature and family fun isn't quite what it used to be.... Anna complained bitterly about the lack of cell phone reception...
This bird nest caught my attention.


The new motor happily pulls all four of us along at speeds suitable for Christian's desires. I never minded our gentle meanders... however it is different horses for different courses?

Cant see it working - however kudos if someone can pull it off!

Interesting development within the Labor Party ladies this week - starting with Julia Gillard -

"Deputy Opposition Leader Julia Gillard has expressed doubt that a mother could reach the office of prime minister.
In an interview with the Bulletin magazine, Ms Gillard has spoken about her decision not to have children and the likelihood of a woman becoming prime minister.

She says it would be difficult for a mother to juggle the responsibilities of a senior government position with raising children.

"Peter Costello and John Howard should reflect on whether or not it would've been possible for them to have been born women and to have done everything in their lives that they've done, how they would've balanced being mothers and being politicians," she said."

I read that with mild interest and then found this morning that Tanya Plibersek had a different perspective.

"... I certainly don't think that there will never be a prime minister who's got a young family, who's a woman."

She attributes this to the possibility of having a suitable partner.

I have been trying to imagine a woman being Prime Minister or Treasurer with small children. I am picturing her during important meetings saying the things I have had to say at not so important meetings.

"Sorry folks - childcare problem this week - I have to be out of here NOW" and "I cant come to work Thursday afternoon because my girls are singing Abba and Kylie Monogue and my son is seaweed in the school pageant. Seaweed costumes can be such a BITCH to get on right you know."

Our high profile female politician will have children that excrete nothing - because all us mothers know how dreadful it feels when you realise your toddler has wiped his/her nose up your jacket sleeve as you handed him to the carer. The old leaky nappy thing isn't good either. Never mind the bits of weetbix and stuff than can accidentally get stuck to your person without you knowing.

I am thinking she is going to be an absolute riot when measles, mumps and chicken pox happen isn't she.

The poor woman is gunna have HUGE expectations at the three legged races - the sack race gets pretty darn competitive at the best of times - imagine knowing your competing against the PM or Treasurer? Not to mention tuck shop duty - let alone the fundraising at P & C.... mannnnnnn will she have to perform at the chocolate fund raising drives!

Or what about the horrible times us mothers discover HEAD LICE... oh wow is she gunna feel the heat.

I am thinking this "suitable partner" is a very good investment for potential cloning? He is gunna be marvellous at dealing with situations like... the time daughter No 3 told all the kids at school that daughter No 2 had red feathers in her private regions.

Don't get me wrong - if that woman does exist I will be in absolute awe and wish her nothing but easy times.

But... there are so many scenario's we go through that just make this sound like a fantastic situation for a comedy sitcom?

Hey - that kids gunna have a ball at show and tell! Take Mummy! Too easy. The rest of us poor sods have to catch cane toads or bundle up the family pet.... Oh wait - nah kids like the toads, rats etc better than a politician anyway. Maybe she could borrow something extra cool.

Oh - and what about when the poor woman FORGETS stuff. Like she is meant to be at the end of school thingo an hour early to get a decent seat where her child can see her? Or will police go shove all the other parents out of the way? Or with boarding school and you have to book the free weekends in advance to let the kids come home or go to friends houses... imagine if the press gets wind of her forgetfulness! I don't care how fantastic your spouse is - mothers always get the blame.

When a woman does - I want to bake for her family once a month to say thanks for being so great. But I think mothers already do a fantastic job without extra pressures like a job like that. I am wondering why any woman would want to encourage another woman to take on huge pressures when she already has taken on a huge responsibility.

Maybe some peoples kids don't get sick, have nightmares, like having mum attend everything, get in any trouble at school, break bones, hate dentist appointments and require bribes and hand holding.

I think aside from having one hell of a great woman and supportive husband - that woman better have amazing children.

Hooray - Freedom again

My car is all fixed! Although - there had to be extra drama. (Just call me Camille).

The replacing the radiator became a new water pump and timer belt added $$$... and on the telephone I assumed the mechanic meant it became a total of $790.

He meant it was $790 on TOP of the original quote.

A million post dated cheques and I have my car back.

Ok - sometimes I take poetic license way too far.

Disaster averted - for now anyway...

Our little drama went from bad to worse - but slightly ashamed or embarrassed I waffled so badly and for so long last post - I will try to keep it all short.

My car was still in the shop Monday - and I needed to be in Agnes Waters Monday afternoon for work - so I had to call Christian's boss and tell him I needed the ford that afternoon.

Christian was so - fed up? with work - he decided to come with me. Now - this pleases me because I hate driving the ford. I cant tell if it is on petrol or gas - I get alarmed when it backfires and start pushing the button that makes it go from one to the other and have occasionally stalled it...and not having a gauge in front of me to tell me if I am going to run out of either freaks me out. (The gauge is in the boot/trunk)It steers like the back end is fighting the front end. But Christian has unbelievable faith in this beast. I like my car. But its getting a new radiator and water pump and some other thingy.(Picking it up this morning hooray!)



And - he can work too because I was given my choice of workers and was just going to use my daughters. Jane stayed home to babysit the dogs.

We were stocktaking at a small supermarket - and we finished the job at 2.15am. Hour and a bit drive home. I was contented - pleased at how both Christian and Anna worked, and felt we got the job done well. (But I guess anyone can count and call out numbers huh? Oh well)

On the drive home Christian said "That is the first time in my life I have worked in airconditioning."

Shit huh. I never thought of that. I SIT and type or punch numbers ... and whinge! With airconditioners, and computers to access the net and read stuff when I am bored, earphones to listen to music and I STILL WHINGE!

What a shame I don't get more of that kind of work huh?

When Christian woke up - he decided quite firmly he was quiting his job. His resume was (is) still in shambles, and he is being no help at putting it together and really - I don't know the names of the machinery they drive/operate whatever... But I respect the fact he cant stay if he is miserable - at the same time TERRIFIED... we live week to week on his pay - mines just for extras! Telling myself it will all be OK.... and off he goes to resign.

His boss rang back, I had no idea where Christian was (he was lining up the exact same job with another employer that we know pays less)... and I didn't comment on what was going on...

I was practising incredible self control - applying my lipstick and attending to housework, children and dogs but FEELING insane and terrified and SICK. I didn't want Christian to see my fear because I wanted to support him. But I had to apologise to the girls a couple of times for lashing at them unnecessarily.

When I returned he was so upset. He telephoned the other employer and accepted the job - but his voice broke down when he said "I love my family, and I cant keep bringing my work home and taking it out on them"...In twelve years I have only seen him cry three times previously...once at the death of my mother-in-law (not his mum - the sperm donors - but we both loved her, at the diagnoses of William's first tumours when we were all a bit insane, and once when I was leaving.... this was BIG for him. He doesn't even cry when a dog dies - I on the other hand have taken to my bed for a week to mourn the loss of my dogs and cried until it hurts all over.

Of course timing can never be kind to us - and just as he broke down... his boss arrived here. I told Christian to bring him inside because his face was red and obviously crying .. but they spoke on the verandah. I poured myself a wine and it was only 3 pm and I had no girlfriends visiting. I resisted the urge to eavesdrop and the girls and I hid in Anna's room until we couldn't anymore - Anna had to go to work.

His boss told him to take the rest of the week off.. paid and to go fishing. His boss promised to get him the tickets as soon as practical. His boss told him he was just feeling the heat and that he didn't mean to get so cranky and say such awful things and that it was the fault of the other worker... and that he would be gone.

But - it doesn't solve the real issues. Christian cant work forever in the sun. He doesn't want to be visiting the skin cancer clinics every other week when he is the bosses age. He has no idea what he wants to do... and my shoving the tafe course list under his nose isn't any help.

One solution would be that I go and get a full time job. When I work full time it is just so difficult at school holidays etc. I KNOW other women manage it perfectly well. I get phone calls (always when someone is around me) from the girls trying to kill each other. "Put down the knife!" is so not a good thing to be saying on the telephone at work. It also isnt good when Will and three mates arrive at my work covered in mud, carrying a fish they have just caught and telling me they are starving and his sisters wont let him in the house. This is not childcare age children - this is kids born in 1992-1992 and 1994.

Alright - maybe this time the kids will just have to learn how to cope.

But how does Christian find what he wants to do?

Ok - so the drama is hopefully over. It is just... boiling underneath again. My fingers and toes are crossed.

Never IF I am in the shit - always simply the depth...

I assisted a girlfriend today with updating her resume and attending to the selection criteria for a position I mentioned previously.

Anyway - circumstances meant it was a full on 8 hour session... much of it me simply waiting for her to put together her examples of experiences to address the selection criteria... and for her to read what I had typed and see if she liked it....Or for me to highlight stuff I thought no sense etc etc. It is a long drawn out process.

I don't mind doing it - especially for this friend - because I know she really does care about her clients.

I am horrid.. I couldn't do the jobs she can because I have... a nastier disposition. And that can bother me because I hate thinking I am nasty. But I can make resumes look real real pretty. And I can answer selection criteria's for anyone I vaguely like ...

I have done this three times in the past four years for this same friend. And she got all the jobs I have done this for. I.. have not been so lucky in the job thingy. Could have a bit to do with the fact I don't apply - and when I do if I get rejected I don't put myself back in the situation to go threw that shit again. I always figure if people need me they can find me..

Hey it worked when I was young and thin etc? I have quit (or been fired) from legal secretary jobs and got home to find the answering machine had choices for me to go to work at...... Prospective employers knew I was available before it had even sunk in myself. Hell - I used to have solicitors clients try poach me and it was fun to tease them. (I am waffling - there is no way I want to work there again)

My partner/lover/person who farts in my bed etc... has been unhappy with his job - lack of money (HELLO we are broke because we bought the boat motor because HE wanted it?!!!) just general unhappiness... I guess... I am not unhappy... I was PLEASED he went back to work... I find my routine gets too upset with long bloody holidays... Once your broke - it is just dull - my friends stop visiting because they think they are intruding, I can't decide to just go visit someone or something... and even if I want to draw or paint I decide not too because he might want my attention ...

I really sound horrid now ... don't I? Oh well - that is how it is. I always feel like too many things want my attention. It is why I adore my dogs. Ok - they always want my attention too - and they certainly do sulk.... chew up my shoes even.. the new TELEPHONE wasn't a brilliant idea... But they cant sulk long... and they don't seem to remember stuff for ever. (Rocky still gives any dog who visits or who we visit my shoes to encourage them to chew them up.. he knows I will smack them....)

Waffling again... shit...

My car is in the shop. And I needed Christian to taxi daughter No 3 today to and from work. So he pouted and sulked and I.. wondered why he didn't just go fishing or go visit his mate or something?

About hour 6 after girlfriend and I sat working on the awful selection criteria etc... He started throwing little tantrums. I sat and typed and spaced, bolded and italiced... amended the table of contents, reworded and adjusted the settings on the tables and columns. The tantrums included my lack of preparing the kebabs for dinner... that pay tv was boring him and I should cancel it the minute the contract ran out (he loves it most),that I had neglected to feed the finches today and that I had ran out of seaweed extract to feed the garden. that we had the boat motor and I wont go fishing (I do do this - have done it forever.. Sometimes I actually say I don't want to go fishing); small stuff... stuff I was just ignoring.

But my girlfriend is employed in counselling. She assists the long time unemployed in rejoining the workforce. And she cant resist offering him advice.

Wave a red flag to a bull why don't you.

I have many times told my partner... if you don't like your job - let's put together a resume and find another. We did try the work for ourselves thing - it didn't work. These are my kids - and my worries, and if I don't go - he wont go. I would stay awake till mad hours... fretting about Will's tumours - and wake at 10 or 11 to him sitting next to me ready for work saying "I was waiting for you!"

He is younger than me.

We are like chalk and cheese really. But he makes me happy usually. He amuses me.

My girlfriend didn't seem to notice how annoyed he was. I did - but decided to just... play it cool. I asked him when she left why he carried on like that... (He even told her... she gets you jobs and wont work herself) In the same conversation my friend asks him what he needs to earn to compensate losing his current job... and he replies... "How would I know what I earn - she never tells me!"

I probably don't you know. I really don't discuss money with him. He makes it hard for us.. wont do Internet banking because people can rob you (of what?) ditto for phone banking, will not ask his boss for a payslip or ask his boss why his superannuation seems to be completely wrong... If I say... this isn't right you worked away this week and earnt less money than normal... he WILL NOT ask his boss why....

Righto - it is starting to get ugly and time for damage control. I print out all 26 pages... and tell my friend to take it home and scribble all over it. We can resume it in the morning. Somewhere in between me sorting out the mechanics bill, transporting the kids issues, I really should enroll myself in something, booking the motor service because tomorrow is the last day to keep within the warranty, finding three black shirts for work tomorrow night (whole other story.. bloody waffling),

I time out for a minute or so with my daughters. They are funny. Even Sara rang tonight to.. make it easier to time out.

Remember when the kids were toddlers and would do anything to get your attention? Smear shit all over the place, swear in front of relatives or a church member, write "Mum suks" on the wall? That is exactly how I felt.

Many times I have offered to write his resume etc. And always he refuses it. So - I offer again tonight. After a thirty minute lecture on how I should of done this years ago - and would do it for anyone but him.... I wrote the words "use necessary machinery" on one of his previous jobs.. and he went OFF HIS NUT. Threw the drink over the floor, slammed the door and told me I was unreasonable and being stupid and treating him badly.

He did say he was jealous I spent all that time with my girlfriend and not him. And I do know he doesn't need to work for such a bastard etc...

But the other half of the time he comes home from work all excited telling terrible stories of how they made the bucket on the front loader bunny hop down the hill etc (OWH&S people don't read here please)

I KNOW he has a hard time. I KNOW I should get a real job. Being casual at a large engineering firm isn't good enough. I cant do anything other than administration and referral. I will never be a counsellor and I don't want to work with children. I feel I have spent 21 year working for children, and its been hard and enjoyable work. But I have served my time surely. And I am no longer thin and ambitious. I am not pretty or cute anymore. My biggest ambition right now is just making sure my kids complete school - are happy, and have a work ethic. I don't want my kids to spend their first earnings on board etc. I understand that my doing this makes Christian mad... because he feels he was short sheeted on his first earnings. I don't try to say I understand his feeling on family. Because they are not the same as mine.

But - I cant help you if you cant help yourself. And I don't help myself because I decided I loved being mother and lover to this family - even with all the shit it came with. Take away the years of fretting and being scared... it was all fine.

I made my own bed... but tonight i wont sleep in it. I am really mad at him. But I understand if he feels its too hard.

Hell - I always told him to flee. I sure as hell would of.

Small things amuse small minds I guess?

Ok - it is pretty ghastly. But it amuses me. I found this both at Beerli and at Trundling Grunt's sites. Oddly enough I found them one after the other as I went threw my list of stuff to read in favourites...

The males I know are even easier to amuse than I am. I KNOW what they would do with this if I was so stupid as to buy one.

But you know - there just isnt any room in this house to have a fish tank like we used to have.... You have to give kudo's for space saving huh?

The week that was... Absolute waffling - no pictures

• Giggles, wine, cake (I hate cake there is a story in that alone!) and laughter with girlfriends. An awful "foot in mouth" situation wherein I accidentally described the camels foot orchid tree (otherwise known as the Bauhinia purpurea) as the camel's toe tree.... after a few wines... and naturally my girlfriends spat wine all over the table and roared laughing. I am still kinda thinking had Hope not laughed so outrageously first no one would of even noticed my.... regular fuck ups.
• I found an employment vacancy advertisement for a local community service agency , and was compelled to contact a girlfriend I only see occasionally (due to her living an entire 20 minutes away - if I was my own friend I would dump me too).... crap.. waffling... where was I? Right - well I knew she wasn't so happy at her current job and I read this job description as perfect for her. So - I pushed it towards her and asked what did she think. And gorgeous as always, she wants to apply - and was pleased as punch that I had thought of her when I read it... as she too had thought of it.. but had allowed her insecurities to dismiss it. She has no time to apply for it - and I have no problem writing other peoples selection criterias ... and I tell her I will fiddle it until she can look at it...AND..
• I ring the contact details on the advertisement. This advertisment is in the local paper and on the internet... and it says ring a particular woman on a particular number... for the position description and employment package. I ring for a day and a half and the phone rings out. Eventually I ring head office and explain my dilemna... and they say... Oh... particular person is ON HOLIDAYS STILL. I am thinking... well WHY would you put her as the contact person? This is not rocket science..... It is not.. oh blah. It just frustrates the crap out of me. It frustrates me maybe more nowdays. I have resisted for years telling people what I think within workplace type.... oh wait thats complete crap. Ha-ha. Start again.
• Righto - let's just stick to .. I get really annoyed at absolute stupidity when your being paid to do something sometimes. Surely when deciding to place an advertisement for employment someone would of noticed that "particular person" was still on holidays until the end of the due date for applications?
• My partner/lover ... whatever we call him... is feeling despondent in his employment.. and powerless to get out of the situation. And whilst I listen attentively (or I stare at his drink wondering if he is going to finish it..or watch the corners of his mouth and get completely distracted... whateva) I do become aware I don't make the situation easier by being completely happy working in a casual job and simply being the mother.
• My girls are hilariously funny. And so very beautiful. Anna is hanging around with people who dont make her sad at the moment... and all is good. Oh .. no wait. Anna is mad at me for making the "looser" sign at a boy who visits her regularly now. I was simply being very very funny.
• The sperm donor races in town tomorrow - and Will is going to go back to Rockhampton with him tomorrow after the races. Will asked me to find the form guide and explain it to him for tomorrow... so he could impress his father. I did the best I could... which wasnt too bad when you consider it has been 11 years since I had anything to do with any form of racing. I find it odd Will is ... suddenly concerned with knowing his father and what he does. I used to have to talk the kids into visiting him. Maybe I am jealous?
• My Mama was upset over a slight by my sibling this week... and I am sure my sibling wouldnt MEAN to hurt her.. but it still hurts that they hurt.
• My radiator problem became a .. water pump problem and .. other car thingy problem and... I have bugga all savings after holidays to fix it easily... and I am meant to be worrying about that too...and now the car is at the shop until Monday.... (I work Monday night so let's hope something happens before then?)
• Something always does happen. Surely they will take a postdated cheque for next Wednesday?
• The lovely Lish turned 30 this week. I drank bubbles for her. Hope she appreciated that. (Oh wait - I drank the bubbles with Hope... gets so damned confusing!)

Right - so tomorrow I might find something interesting to post. Or not. I will be taxi to the kids... horseraces and all...Anna is attending a party with a theme of "pimps and ho's" (how do you spell ho?) and we have argued plenty this week about her outfit... (let alone when I ... errr... do her looser sign to her new... beau? (he is completely ghastly - junior school drop out, already messed around with her best friend, Anna MET his mother asking the 16 year old kids for a light for her aparatus for smoking cannabis and he and his mate arrived here intoxicated one night... Anna for the life of her cannot understand why we are MEAN to him and make him go home when we go to bed... )

I know - go figure? Parents and caregivers are inserted with nasty computer chips that make us be difficult.

I swear I was just being funny when I made the "looser" sign at him. Ha ha.

Ok... I have to do morning again tomorrow.... I so love bubbles! What a shame I cant do them in the mornings!

Fishing today

These signs are everywhere. Funny but - I have never seen one ever. I think I have seen everything else.

It was still windy today. Even in the estuaries - the water is choppy and not as pleasant to be on.

Especially after I had just watched some bloody program on tv called "Rogue Waves" and I am not really fond of water I cant see what is in it.

We caught nothing but tiddlers. I so wish the wind would go away. It was still fun - and I got awfully wet on the way home.. reminding me of a wonderful dog we owned - Suzie (ok my Mama will tell you Suzie wasn't all that wonderful - but we loved her... she was just a little dirty)...

Suzie used to insist on sitting at the front to "bite" the waves .... and it was funny. Today the waves... where perfect for Suzie to bite. My current beloved dogs are ... not boat dogs.

The weather is lovely really.. the wind keeps it a cool maybe 26 C?... so its nice on the water. But I just want the still waters that will mean we can go where we want.

Saw a beautiful sea snake today... of course forgot to get the camera out. I always do that. I washed my fingers beside the boat..and threw the prawn heads into the water and up popped a lovely green/yellow with brown marks on its back snake to look at me... took me ages to stick my fingers back in the water....

Better luck tomorrow huh? Or thank heavens we dont have to rely on fishing to feed ourselves?

Can anyone help me with this movie title please?

Ok - we must of watched this movie around C 2000... we would of watched it on Pay TV - and for the life of me I cannot remember the title... and Googling it hasn't been successful. Maybe I just am using the wrong keywords.

Be patient with me - Christian thought I was browsing for porn and got... over excited and is trying to drive me nuts. (The dogs were most upset with me this afternoon too because I smelt of my girlfriends dog)

I was not searching for porn... I was reading PC's blog with interest and watched the videos including the couple and the egg... found the girl in the oyster shot way too young... and that.. put me off... and then the octopus thing... (funny how I decide to watch things the wrong way around huh?)... and reading the comments on erotica ....and being comfortable with sexuality etc etc...

MAYBE - sharing stuff with your lovers mouth is fun. But.. I really dont find egg yolks MY thing. (Does this mean I have the delicacy of a sumo wrestler... probably....)

And I remembered this wonderful movie that I found very sexy, very moving and erotic... and heck it had adultery and murder and .. all kinds of ghastly stuff too (see I am not only a Disney fan)....

And I WANTED to mention the fish filleting scene and find it and say... no I find this erotic... but egg yolk is always simply messy....

Right - the scenerio was a fish shop .. in a place wet and usually grey with those lovely cobblestone pavements and they lived on top of the shop. "They" were a middle aged couple - him the fishmonger and her a volumptious and sexy mother of a bloke.. and they employed a drifter type... about the same age as the son... and the mother accidently fell into an affair with him. The father... showed the young man the tricks of his trade including how to fillet correctly a very difficult fish...and as the father became aware... and the son...etc etc...

A beautiful scene wherein the young man touches the fish fillet and the father realises... and the tension is fantastic...

And the whole family is thrown into chaos and someone got murdered at the end. And everyone lives unhappily every after. And really they were all pretty miserable in the beginning and only happy when they were all together and not aware of their... stuff.

Movie reviewing is never going to be a career option for me either, huh?

Anyway what was the bloody name of that movie? The son walks in on her receiving oral sex in one scene too...

It was a really good movie. I just seem to forget stuff I guess.

Weekend anticipations

Nah - Rox I am not moving from Blogger - here I stay. Blogger simply had an update thingo - and I was reluctant to switch because normally changes mean... headaches etc.

I am perfectly capeable of giving myself headaches and confusions ... and it took me a while to make the "switch" - nothing abnormal I am always the most reluctant to change ...

The weather here for the past three weeks has been WINDY - which means that our boating activities are limited to within the estuaries and creeks. Of course - that is all lovely too... it is just I had hoped to do some island sightseeing.....

Another plus of windy is that the weather has been so much cooler than in the past. We really havent had a madly hot day wherein we could go out to Lake Awoonga and have a family day swimming and playing.

Jane and I walked around Spinnaker Park with Dotti this afternoon - and I felt disappointed at the white topped waves and wind attacking Jane's skirt.... I want a dead still day so that the harbour drive will be pleasant out to the islands.

Doesn't look like it is going to happen - so crabbing it will have to be. The talk of the town lately has been the complete lack of suitable crabs... So - bloody good thing I like just bobbing around on the boat sightseeing.

Last night K & M and all the kids came around for a "seafood cooking night". This translates to ... we all drink way too many bubbles; make a ferocious amount of mess and noise; and we eat (or waste/drop/burn/etc) enough expensive food... that we should feel really guilty ... but we don't.

M found a recipe for black mussels that looked (and tasted) just wonderful - but I didn't buy them. Normally around $4 a kilo they were $13 a kilo... so I bought prawns, fish and smoked salmon. But K was not feeling as miserly as I was.. and did buy them! It was beautiful - but anyone who doesnt like ginger hated it. Indeed she was feeling wealthy enough to buy scallops...

M also found a recipe on how to completely make calamari taste disgusting. Calamari is so easy to make taste nice - but chinese five spice and calamari is just WRONG people.

I should of taken photographs. But indeed when the first bottle of bubbles is popped at 4 pm - and K arrived in a taxi - a pretty good indication the night was headed for rediculous intoxication....

I had over celebrated by only 8 pm... and being such a terrible host.. I crept off to bed.

Anna (my angel) magically had "fixed" most of the mess by the time morning came.

Right - so this weekend I chase the elusive crabs again in the creeks and rivers. The wind will mean less sandflies in the mangroves. Batteries charged and camera ready!

Ok - I switched... the new blogger

Ok - a few more options in the toolbar. Doesn't look too scarey.

I have accidently screwed up heaps of comments I meant to make on other blogs... and that isnt just with new blogger - I do it with old blogger.

Ok - and only two or three (six) madly drunk - making comments so not appropriate....

It should be ok. Blah I have travelled WordPerfect to Word 2003 - Lotus 1-2-3 to Excel etc... I can do this too.

Odd - I still feel nervous huh?

The sadness of those ... who have none...

William is trying to look sad too. She does look sad doesnt she? (She got some later I promise)

The simple pleasures of life...

Like icecream - so simple ... so delicious....

Quilting - A Gift made with love.

The quilt my mother made me arrived today! Have a look at this....



I can't decide which side to show off?

I am going to hang it on a wall. My dogs are too naughty to stay off anything like this. And my kids. Heck - I am not sure I can be trusted either.

But - Lucky me lucky me!

And Thank You and Bravo to my clever Mama.

Resonating Resolutions... or the lack thereof

So glad we pushed Anna (daughter No 2) out the door last night to attend the party with her friends. She had a lovely time - and managed to go to work at 7am this morning with only a few hours sleep and smile during her shift.

I couldnt help myself and went over (full knowing the ques would be insane) and checked myself. Her eyes looked like those fake contact lenses with the red crazy lines on them... and she was paler than pale... but I found her just gorgeous....

Or was I just amazed that she had the good sense not to call in sick today? Who cares - I am happy and she is happy. All is good. As she, her sister and my nearest friend walked back from the supermarket all attempting to over-talk the next person - it was clear that Anna going to the party was the best thing to do. (Ok - so sulking at home with us was not an option. I was watching Pride and Prejudice... and I love pretty pictures and anything old... I spoilt the movie for Jane cause I wouldnt shut up during it - and she retired to her sisters room to watch it on that television without my commentary)

William was delivered this morning by my favourite ex-brother in law. Sometimes, there are just people who are so EASY to be with. So - my house is full of kids again and the dogs and I are happier. Besides - I just so can't cook for only 2-3 people. I have to keep delivering left overs to people...and so many of our friends are away. (Well the ones who like to receive ... when I overcook and the dogs refuse to eat anymore)

Christian returns to work tomorrow. It would of been nice if he could of had another week off - but with our recent purchases and the expense of Christmas and the very untimely demise of my radiator - the hard fact is.. we are out of money and work - he has too.

I am grateful for what we have - but then again... it would be so much nicer if we could have a holiday JUST ONCE where we didnt have to either go without or.. make the breadwinner return to work.

So - if I do have a New Years Resolution - it is for next years holidays.. not to spend all our bloody money in the first few days. No matter how much fun it is.

I did start a list and had - lose 5- 10 kilos. That sounded way too hard and way too like me giving up something. I considered chucking in the cigarettes again. I read someone elses blog... (sorry I forget whose?someone nice anyway) and they expressed that really a resolution could be interpreted as a plan.

Well - if its a plan I need longer than the time I get to myself playing on the pc. So best I procrastinate on that too.

And I wasted heaps of time remembering friends and family that I miss. The lovely smells, the sounds, the wonderful times (or the times they put up with my miseries.. whateva) the tastes..the laughter and the oh too quickly how the sun comes up!How satin pillowcases, t-shirt material sheets, sunlight soap, furniture polish (weird but true)awful 80's music and fishing tackle.....

I love wasting time.

It will be a lovely year.

I am a brilliant time waster.