The beginning of my holidays...

And I have the flu. Don't stand near me when I sneeze - it is disgusting. I do recall earlier in the week the little people at work sneezing into the playdough and putting their arms up for me to cuddle them as they were covered in sneeze. I actually recall thinking "I am over being sick now - I don't need gloves or to refuse them their cuddles".

MOTH has gone camping over on one of the islands at The Narrows with a friend. I have packing, further planning and cleaning the house (so that the burglars don't think I am a slob? I guess....)

We should be leaving here around 11am for the drive to Tweed Heads with plenty of stops. Monday night at Joy's and then to Wet & Wild. I suspect MOTH doesnt want to go to the theme park - but if Joy and the kids are coming I think I can hang around for a while!

Best I stop fiddling about, sniffing and dripping and go do something constructive.

Wishing for the Little things

For heavens sake Little things (I tried to spell Marylana over a dozen times before I gave up and declared myself an idiot speller)please add me to whatever has to be added to.

I miss your eloquence, honesty and I.. well I just like reading your blog and wondering how much fun we would have if you lived closer.

Anna got her learners permit this week

Wednesday afternoon Anna got her learners permit to drive. She rang me very excited from the registry office as she waited for the license to be issued. As they handed her her license she complained to me on the telephone the photograph was not flattering. Then she made her way to my work to show me and my colleagues her prized possession.

She got herself to and from the Department of Transport after school. My daughter is in no way perfect but I love the way she does what she has to.

Today I took a break from some homework I have to do as a job requirement and took the kids to the Botanical gardens for lunch and to feed the ducks etc. MOTH left early for fishing and by midday I was sick of sitting and answering boring questions.

Anna and Jane babysat one of the kids from my work last night and were paid handsomely for something they thoroughly loved doing.

Time for your driving lesson Anna!

She is doing very well - learning in a manual and being bored to death with the start/stop, feel and learn the clutch and the gears... stall, kangaroo hop and sometimes get it right. She has not complained or gotten frustrated at me yet. Unfortunately she can tell when I get frustrated with her. I think that is because it IS Anna - and I don't tend to hide my feelings to her. I hide them to anyone else. I get worried when she stalls too often because MOTH raved on and on about how the clutch was due to die soon and the cost of driving for so many hours. Shortly afterwards though he filled my car with petrol and is definitely competing with me on which parent can be available for driving lessons.

MOTH and I are actually competing on who gets to take her out most often for her lessons. We are sadder than I thought.

By late next week she will be on the roads confident and competent. With a proud mother and stepfather beaming happily at our success.

In Queensland she has to complete 60 hours of driving before she can get her Provisional license and drive alone. So every day MOTH and I fit what we can into driving with her to complete her log book.

One more week till our holidays and during them my father will take her for lessons too! I don't want her driving an automatic car until she has mastered a manual no matter how easy they are to drive.

I want my studies to be in advance before I go. I hate doing them because they are so boring. It is kiddy stuff that we all know so there is little to interest me whilst doing it.

I want detailed and informative information for my replacement at work to ensure that my gorgeous children are all cared for as well and smoothly as possible. It is odd how anxious I feel about them. I am pretty sure writing threats to my replacement as to what I will do with them if they make any of my children even remotely unhappy is not a good idea. Somehow I will have to just convey that feeling to the workplace.

William attends school camp on the week we return and I need to organise some things for that.

I will need to cull Anna's packing by 90%. Otherwise the plane wont take off. I think Jane will pack nothing as usual so that we have to replace everything she needs. William cannot be trusted to pack even his shoes. I put presents for my grandson in a safe place and now I cannot find them.

Sara spent her 22nd birthday in hospital with cysts on her ovary - and I wish we were already there.

I havent managed to assist Jane with healthy eating or exercising - but she did walk herself to her job Saturday morning even though we offered to drive her if she woke us before 6am. She wasnt too unreasonable this weekend. She had a mosquito on her arm today and I slapped it - and told her "There - now you CAN tell people I hit you." I dont think her boss is paying her - but I cant discuss it with her because she gets so angry with me. OK - all I could do is tell her not to do it. I am a rotten example there because I often do volunteer work.

Last night Meg and the kids came around and after a shared bottle of wine we made fools out of ourselves on Singstar (Playstation game) and had heaps of fun.

Meg and her kids are going to look after our dogs while we are away. Although I trust them - I am anxious for my spoilt dogs. They dont like to be alone. They are big and dumb and spoilt. They act as if I have committed crimes when they are alone for four hours. I come home from work every day for lunch mostly to tend to their personalities. They like climate control and sofas and blankets. Food warmed and snacks in between meals. Dotti cries when she has fleas. I lazily let the dogs chase the car instead of walking them as often as I can/should. They often chew up or dig up stuff if I am late or in some way negligent.

Shame the kids at work and the dogs cant come with me for my holiday. I would feel so much better.

Happy Birthday Sara

Sara turned 22 today. My oldest daughter... With a baby of her own.

I don't have to wish her happiness and love. She has the brains and beauty to find her happiness and know she is loved.

The exciting bit is only 2 weeks until we will all be down there together again. I last saw them in February for daughter No 2's 16th birthday.

Two weeks till we drive to Tweed Heads and visit our beloved friends there. Then fly to Sydney and my daughter, her spouse and my grandson - Harbour bridge climb; the girls head to Justin Timberlake's concert and the whole touristy thing there! We are going to visit my cousins and maybe see some Aunts and Uncles. Then hire a car and drive south to see my father and step mother and show my kids where I played when I was young. Then a magnificent feast at my Mama's in Bowral. The zoo and sushi train with my grandson. The whole tourist thing with the kids in Sydney.

Mostly - just chilling with all my kids and some music and giggles. Arguing about what is fashionable or daggy - in anything and everything.

It is so close now it is kinda scary. I keep fretting over my itinerary. I have prepaid many things. Two weeks just doesn't seem long enough.

Different storms...

Hot and muggy all day. But right now it is gorgeous with lovely rain and a brief electrical storm and display earlier. I love to watch storms. I guess everyone does really.

The storm waited until I was home from work too.. which meant that the afternoon was outdoors - so much happier kids! I want the rain to stop before morning whereas MOTH of course wants the rain to continue - he doesn't work in the rain.

After work we took a workmate to the local mall to show her how to use the digital camera photo kiosks. My workmate is from the Philippines and has recently bought the camera so she can show her mother back home the photos. A week or more ago I went to her house to help her set up her printer.

At the mall MOTH found a keyboard at Big W that was priced ok - and Jane has wanted one for some time. The discussion was about putting it away for Christmas. I knew that was unlikely to happen - I always ruin secrets like that because I cannot wait. I didn't of course - and gave it to her immediately on our return from home.

She was so pleased she cheerfully cooked and assembled hamburgers for dinner. Smiling and gracious checking that the family members had enough to eat!

It feels weird because of course the past behaviour doesn't warrant any treat and certainly not a big one. I want her to behave just so I can buy the rest of the PlayStation2 Singstar games! We bought her that for her birthday and we all have had fun playing on it.... I look forward to the rest of the games and I NEVER play games on the machines.

Wonder if tomorrow morning Jane will happily get out of bed and get ready for school without a major carry on? Maybe she will speak to us and not spend hours in her room or try to sneak onto the internet at midnight? Maybe she wont fight with her siblings!

MAYBE it was money well spent. Or ....MAYBE I am still a complete schmuck.

The school holidays

William spent the first week with his father in Rockhampton. Oh - look Tom is currently running second in the trainer premierships! Next holidays I should make all the kids visit!

Actually I tried that these holidays - but the girls refused to budge. I was aware he had won a few races.

I took William and his mates to the movies.. Jane declined to go to and so I let William take another mate with him.

One lunch hour of mine my kids Anna & Will (and Damien) met me at work and we went to KFC and then to the duckpond to feed the critters.



My youngest daughter had been fighting with her siblings and refusing to dress or get out of bed before midday so sadly she didnt attend this with us. I have a feeling it hurts me more than it hurts her.

Anna and I work at places 200 metres apart - and she started work when my lunch hour finished. Because of the nature of school holidays the lunch was hurried because I had to be late... long boring story about rubbish that shouldnt happen.

Just another reason I like dogs. And small people.

We went ski tubing and picnicking. That was mostly fun but there was a little bit of a disaster. Well - ok in my mind a big disaster.
When my friend and her daughter indicated they wanted to go on a boat ride and I used what I thought was tactful comments about how the two year old couldn't go on the boat because of the lack of a suitable floatation device..... it didn't work. And so when I realised he was indeed on the dam without it I... went and called MOTH in and blasted the snot out of him. I don't need words to blast MOTH anymore - he was completely aware how mad I was. I gave him a mouthful later just because I can.

It was MOTH's birthday.

When my grandson was here.. that law wasn't so strict. You certainly had a duty of care and had to carry floatation devices... but the law has changed since. My son Will is somewhat short for his age and attracts the attention of those who patrol such laws... I suspect the floatation devices we bought for my grandsons use would not pass the laws now about children on boats. But anyway we didn't have them. I think they are here but I don't think they would pass the new laws anyway. I know they don't have the ratings on them they need to pass the laws. By new laws I am talking two or three years old. And we just didn't risk my grandson on the boat three years ago.

I know accidents almost never happen. I know all of that. But I do know if they happen the consequences can be huge. I have lost the ability to take mad risks.

I was really wild though. Had MOTH been pulled up with mother and child without the required stuff - he does his car license as well as his boat license. I took it all out on MOTH. It is his license after all. His fine. Trust me these people aren't gunna pay you back the fine.

And I guess I started the day wild enough that the child didn't have a suitable car seat.

Believe it or not the whole story gets worse. I will write about it.. but I think just hashing this tonight has been enough.

It was meant to be a fun day. It ended up a disaster day. I stood there thinking what the fuck am I doing? I am allowing disasters to be a potential by fostering relationships that are not healthy for me. I adore MOTH and he thinks he is doing what I want when he accommodates my friends.

I don't care how brilliant a mother you think you are. How brilliant a swimmer or diver. You lose your kid in a dam that big... you are toast. Sink in it yourself... it isn't long before you cant see daylight and it is so so big. My daughter and I spent ages buying and tying my grandson into his floatation devices. We bought two cause we couldn't make up our minds.

And I might be being pessimistic. But I also read the paper and always cry at the small children lost out of stupidity.

I KNOW my friends love their kid. I KNOW my friends have many lovely qualities.. but I am wild with them. Really wild.

And I dont want to be wild.

How a lousy $50 messed up my week

Over the holidays my youngest daughter Jane babysat some children that attend my works after school care program. I was surprised and somewhat concerned when I noticed Jane had some financial issues – she refused attending the movies with the family (I was shouting but her attitude meant I didn’t elaborate that fact) and then another issue with the girls requirement of expensive footwear when I will only pay for basic footwear – and Jane went without. I suspected the mother of the children she babysits had not paid her and therefore I was annoyed with the mother….

My annoyance reached a crescendo that highlighted my madness on Monday morning when the mother rang at 6.20 am and asked Jane to babysit the children as they were sick – even though Jane is attending her last formal year of junior high school and school resumed that day. By the time Jane informed me of this fact – and I am heading out the door to pick up a workmates 3 year old and start work at 8 am myself…the difficulty of being able to pick and choose your fights with a troubled teenager.. and with a few words chosen straight from the gutter of the fishdocks I didn’t choose to drag Jane to school and let her proceed to her babysitting job.

Even though I had a hankering that something was very amiss with Jane’s finances.

Turns out Jane had lent one of my friends $50 and this had caused her poverty during the school holidays. Apparently one of my friends had taken Jane to a mothers group Monday week past and had a transaction declined at a store. Jane offered the money immediately.

Another example of Jane being the beautiful person that she is. Jane can be taciturn, willful, deceitful, hell she can tell damn ass lies about us…she can be lazy, she can be violent towards her siblings; but…. Sometimes – especially with children, animals sick or the elderly she can be so caring and lovely. Give you her last $50 (it nearly bloody was because I was getting ready to give her boss a mouthful for not paying her)

Jane did not tell me about the transaction because… well I am not entirely sure why. Why my friend didn’t tell me about the damn thing… annoys me too. My friend is not particularly good at remembering her debts. I cringe when she asks me to buy her cigarettes or something and she will pay me back. There is a good 50% chance she will somehow forget or manage to jip you with some “deal” to repay it. Always a good chance you wont see the money when it was promised to you. It IS only money and I remind myself that is not what is important to me.

Anyway – I put the money into Jane’s account. And I fielded a weird phone call this morning before 8am from my friend requesting stuff she insisted on lending me months ago that I am sure went back inside her resume folder I was working on at the time. She had wanted me to use it for a selection criteria for myself that I was not very interested in doing. It was the worksheets and information from years ago when we both did a volunteer course for a local organization that I thought was all crap then.

There is more. And in the weird way of blogging it will all probably come out back to front. Life feels like that a bit to me at the moment. It is completely back to front to go to work and see smiles and receive hugs to the knees, giggles and growth and then to feel hammered when I go home… to three teenagers fighting all watching pay tv, playing on the internet or on xbox or ps2 telling me what they want (that they interpret as need). Sometimes I take it out on the dogs or MOTH. Not that they are perfect either, and of course I am so far from perfect it horrifies me….

I wonder if it is too late to teach MOTH and the dogs not to eat on the sofas? Sure would beat yelling at them. I don’t know why I never remember Dotti is deaf when I yell at her.

Robyn visited us this weekend. Travelling without her children (Josh playing tennis tournaments and Sheridan on a school excursion in Italy) she arrived shortly after I got home from work Friday. I was tired as usual but pleased to see my friend and eager to catch up. Robyn's life direction seems so apart from my own that I had worried seeing her this time would be difficult. It wasnt at all. Talking to someone on MSN or occasionally getting distraught text messages or phone calls is not the same as in person. In person... she is still beautiful, compassionate, caring , funny and someone I enjoy being with.

So naturally enough we went fishing on Saturday.

That is her foot and line.... behind MOTH has caught something odd that fights well... are you guessing?

Only a baby but with the tail and barb and quite annoyed anyways....
You have to click on that photo and zoom.. the tail was quite long but I guess the damn thing wouldnt stay still and the flexibility of the tail so good... it was all curved up. Line was cut and off he swam.

We drove up Calliope River, fished a little, talked a lot and enjoyed the scenery.

Robyn is a fisherwoman who will adhere to the no fuss fishing rule some men like - and will sit over the boat and tinkle when necessary. I wont and require being taken to a public toilet or at very least a sandbank that I can go find a private place. We had been out since 11 and it was close to 4 pm when I decided I wanted to go home. MOTH is completely aware it mostly means I want to go to the loo.

He made a choice to drop me off at the boat ramp - I did consider objecting but felt I was being unfair to take my friend for a "quick" cruise up to see the harbour in the boat. So - without money, phone or shoes I climbed out of the boat and headed for the public toilets while they drove off for their cruise. And the damn sandflies swarmed me. I had nothing to get away from them... no insect repellent, no keys to get into our car, nothing. And they bloody hurt. So I decided to start walking... wrote a note in my lipstick that MOTH and Robyn could barely read... it meant to read "silly standing in sandflies.. walking".

My feet are ridiculously tender from working in sandshoes every day. I was bad tempered but still... in an understanding mood... the sandflies cannot possibly be MOTH's fault. The forty five minute stranded alone on a god damn boat ramp and walking along a highway in bare feet however.... somewhat made me worse tempered. I actually know in his head he was doing the right thing looking after the happiness of my friend. He has NO idea how I felt or how scared and vulnerable and miserable I felt. And little things like this have happened forever during our 12+ year relationship.

You would think I would of learnt by now how to not let myself be so vulnerable.

At home best attempts to restore temper... and .... well I am still scratching.

Robyn left for a family function this morning at about 7.30 am and to continue her journey that I am sure will be lots of fun.

We have been babysitting our friends Hope & Christian's dog Joe for the past fortnight and they came to reclaim him this morning too. So - I made kebabs with steak, mushroom, capsicum, onion, cherry tomatoes and marinade, cooked sausages and eggs and heated baked beans.... and we made it into an occasion.

Christian and Joe in the background. (MOTH's name is also Christian and my oldest daughters beau's name is Chris - just to create extra chaos..)
It was a pleasant brunch. Holiday snaps and tales shared. The white dog is of course our Dotti.

And the food and wine flowed just as I like it too.

Both my friends have wise and helpful advise on what to do with my troubles with my daughter and somewhat inharmonious? home. I choose to thank them both and dismiss the suggestions anyway.

Catch of the day

Moth and I went fishing today. This is our catch.

The bat fish up the top will be used next weekend (or the weekend after) in the crab pots as bait. The others were eaten tonight.. stuffed with parsley, coriander and kaffir lime leaves and baked on the bbq. Served with chunky potato chips and salad - freshest lettuce leaves straight from my garden.

Five hours of just MOTH, Rocky the wonderdog and me on the water.

School holidays again. My son William has gone to his fathers in Rockhampton. His father won three races last thursday so hopefully is feeling generous to his kids!? The girls are staying home due to work commitments... I just hope things go smoothly. It is the best I can do!

Cant make this post sound sane... it isnt

It has been a very odd time. My reactions to my youngest daughter's actions are far from perfect. There are occasions I can be compassionate and eager to find solutions... and other times when I have to compete with my own blind fury at her actions (most notably the cutting herself but there are other incidents of self injury .. it could make me rave on forever) and stop myself from shouting at her "You bloody IDIOT!"

A couple of occasions I have indeed blurted those words. And although I regret them for the hurt it causes her.. I still meant them?

A horrid night wherein one of our verbal arguments led me to tell her to move to her fathers.... to which she accepted... and I think both of us immediately regretted but neither could back down.

I went fishing with MOTh early the next morning and wished I knew how to use the new mobile phone texting thingimigig... I wanted to text her sisters to convince Jane to change her mind.

Life continues to be busy... and mostly happy. But it is head banging how Jane keeps making decisions that make no sense and have no logic and can be so absolutely terrifying.

In an effort to win friends and influence people she told people at school she was bisexual. Jane hasn't got a clue about her sexuality yet - she thought it sounded cool. It means she has to endure further ridicule at school. She is using the family drawer money (money that is for bus fare and milk or bread or urgent supplies while we are at work) to buy tuck shop instead of packing lunch meaning that her siblings have no access to these funds. She lays on her bed or the sofa and refuses to do chores until I get home from work prompting huge arguments with her siblings. They accuse her of assaults and deceits.... They strike and or dissent in their own ways.

MOTH feels challenged because my attention isn't being spread to the levels it should be. I am annoyed when I get home and the house is a mess and I am not putting my usual effort into cooking for my family. My efforts towards our personal life are pretty lacking too. Sometimes I just go straight to my room with the dogs and beg for privacy from the human family.

I sometimes feel odd as I walk home tired from work and realise that my normal reaction to being home - elated and relieved and happy has been replaced by fear and a desire to turn around and walk back to work.

I dont understand why Jane was put on such a strong anti depressant in the first place. (She has taken herself off it three times now and this time I have again decided.. no drugs)

I THINK that Jane decided to become depressed because she was impressed by the attention a fellow student was receiving who suffered depression. I cant MAKE Jane exercise. I cant MAKE her feed the ducks, go for a swim or a boat ride, listen to music and talk crap for hours with a great friend or take joy out of the little things in life that can make you so happy. She claims the cutting herself is because she finds herself unattractive and fat. She cannot lose weight lying on the sofa or bed. It is very hard to look attractive with slices all over your body. She can have moments of being a wonderful loving daughter who can make me laugh and make me proud of her.

She can send me into a blind fury where I want to slap her.. and hard. She can take apathy and laziness into levels never even thought of before. I can offer her my debit card to walk into town and buy the clothes she claims she needs and cannot seem to launder herself or remember to put in with mine and her siblings every evening... and she wont ever take the offer up. Tells other people how horrid I am that I refuse to drive her.

My car is actually in the shop being fixed. I forget what is wrong with it. It is expensive anyway. A gasket or something like that.

And if you tell me or any other member of my family.... here is the money - go get your new stuff but you have to walk maybe a kilometre to get it.. you wont see us for dust! Martyrdom doesn't sit very well with me. It can however send me into a fury.

And her sadness just kills me. Her cuts just hurt me. Her belief she is not beautiful absolutely sends me insane. Her life indoors; the every single morning battle to get her out of bed and go to school; Anna and William getting wild at her.... MOTH losing his temper with my not doing anything about it.... It is simply very very hard. I cant force her.. I am a little frightened of her myself.

We are dogsitting a friends dog at the moment. Surprisingly, Jane seems to enjoy looking after this dog. I have had to treat all three dogs for ticks and fleas...Poor Joe was rotten infested with both and my friends seemed to think a cheap treatment would work.....

This dog is not used to life as one of us... and is nervous but excited at living where ever he wants... The owners did tell me not to let him inside for more than an hour a day.... but what the heck where they thinking? So Joe has endured two baths and one expensive flea and tick treatment. My dogs have taught him that there is no need to flee from humans and infact the place for all dogs to stand sit or lay is in fact.. directly where you think the humans could be wanting to be. Joe has learnt beds and sofas are definately better than the holes he dug in the backyard to sleep in. Joe dug out all the aloes from out the front garden in the first few days. He made a bed out of what we call the paper plants out the back. But now he just sleeps on the sofa. Or with Jane. Jane spent the first few days protecting him from our dogs who dont mind a good dog fight.

Anyway - the kids at work make me forget all of this for a little. We paint and playdoh, we toilet train and we miss heaps, we pull faces and we delight in bugs and flying insects, we laugh and we cry; we count and we can name colours & shapes sometimes...the kids copy me when I say "Oh dear, oh dear" and it makes me roar and soar laughing.... I pat their backs to make them sleep and later if they think I am sad or angry they try to pat my back....and I love every second of them. When it creeps into my head one day they will be teenagers I make myself think of something else.

I have also taught them all to tell me that I am a very good singer.

Thank Dog for small children.

Somethings are just too hard to understand

I have thought of many things I would like to write about. Some good, some bad. Some I found funny, some I found sad.

But my youngest daughter has continued with cutting herself...last week her stomach and her legs... and I find it hard to focus on anything for long. I found out about that lot by noticing her MSN nickname was EMO EMO CUT CUT CUT....

I better record what is happening...

Daughters' No2 and 3 are at their biological father's place. (When I am feeling nasty I call him the sperm donor.)

Hard to feel nasty about someone going through something as dramatic as this. Saturday morning all registered horse workers were advised that no racehorse could be transported ANYWHERE. Complete quarantine. A dozen horses all wanting to go to their training and racing.... confined to their stables. Rotten luck and timing. A million possibilities and things to be thought about. But definitely nice that the girls chose to be with their father and try to help him.

Rumours are rife - I have done a little fretting. It is a tough industry but... will it raise prices or bring them down? How the heck will Spermdonor survive this if it goes on for too long? How badly will our investments suffer? Could we benefit from it if we be a little cautious now? I am pretty sure his position is safe for some time. Why do I stay in love with such a fickle industry? Why the heck didn't we push the issue of his retirement to a property that allowed greater movement more?

The thing I really LOVE - is his girls stood by him during what would be a terrible worrying time for him. Not that he is concerned about the equine flu... it shouldn't affect him... but the ban on movement stops all racing, training, spelling and will make his life so much harder. A dozen antsy racehorses in their stables wanting to get out. And they cant go anywhere.

OK - so the girls get off a few days school helping dad out. I choose not to believe that is their reasons for helping. It makes me happier.

And William alone is so much easier than his sisters. I can feed him toasted sandwiches and he is happy. I don't seem to have mad amounts of work to do. No one is stressing me about what they want to wear or why I have to play taxi a half dozen times tomorrow.

Shame school is so important. I kinda like the girls looking after their Dad.

The dogs however seem to be annoyed the girls are not home. One of them chewed up Jane's mattress.. so I turned the mattress over and made the bed. It looks fine to me. Both dogs claim they didn't do it. I speak fluent naughty dog as well as toddler.

On the weekend my friend Hope visited unexpectedly. I was meant to visit her on Sunday - but shit happened and I never got there. I should of rang or something - but I didn't. My claim is emotional exhaustion. Too many things happening.

I adore my kids at work. I suspect that seeing this is my first foray into childcare somehow I just received the best kids ever. They are so funny - so loving - a couple so brilliant.... some not so brilliant but... oh I dunno.

Adult People aren't bugging me as badly as they usually do. Things that would normally annoy me... don't seem to be.

I haven't shook this flu. I am still snotty and croaky and I still let the kids cuddle me knowing full well they are sick. I still don't listen to any seasoned worker or colleague that tells me.. don't pick them up or cuddle them or else you will stay sick. I still laugh when little Annie (not her real name) sneezes boogers all over me... and I still pick the coughing kids up and tell them its ok when they look scared.

Maybe this week we should cook chicken soup?

Daughter No1 was a wonderful help last week in planning our holiday that I am getting scared of. I worry the problems with this equine flu will affect us.. I worry that I think our landlady wants to get rid of us... suddenly giving us notices we never had before when I normally breach every single rule...(for instance... dogs are not allowed inside) My dogs complain about the temperature for heavens sake. They tell me turn on the heater and air conditioner. And I do it. I worry I should spend money more wisely... yet i still spend madly on something like a seafood dinner.

But I keep myself happy. Sometimes life is not very nice.

Almost Spring - and the garden still gives us pleasure

At the beginning of this year MOTH and I gave up our decision not to garden. We live in a rented house here... and I didn't like the idea of putting heaps of work into a garden that wasn't entirely ours. We just gave up... it is too nice to garden to go without. So - we have been dragging other peoples rubbish home building our gardens.

You are wondering why we erected the hideous corrugated iron fence before the garden shed?

WELL - that is to block out the view of the neighbours over the back. Sounds mean? tough. I LOVE it... and as I sit on my chair sipping my wine and apple & guava juice... I feel completely alone as my babies grow around me.

And we found all that old corrugated iron up the road when someone was replacing their roof. They looked very pleased at the two mad people dragging their bits of iron up the street and returning with a trailer.And yes we dragged home the bits of concrete to make the path when someone replaced their driveway.They also looked at us like we were mad as we hauled the chunks away.

See the pink Marguerite daisy - $2 markdown dead plants at the local supermarket. It has since made itself into 6 new plants.... by me pushing down the branches and covering with dirt .. waiting a little and then digging up with the new roots.

In the photo above is some rosemary I bought on markdown at the supermarket for 50 cents and shoved in the dirt. It has let me put another branch that did take into another garden already. The dwarf bean has produced about 30 beans. There is capsicum, day lillies. alyssum, nasturtium, a climber I just like that everyone else thinks is a weed and the piece of lattice I found at the recycle shop for $1.
The vegetable patch is still thriving. I planted so much pak choy that we couldn't eat it all! Many went to seed. The red and green salad lettuce we pick daily as we need it and haven't had to buy lettuce for months. Nor have we had to buy capsicum or tomatoes in the past three months.
No one needs this much parsley or coriander. There is more too in the other gardens. In the future one or two seedlings at a time will be sufficient. I got carried away. I only have one workmate who appreciates me bringing her bunches of it. My girlfriend Joy bought me the kaffir lime - and the leaves are great with fish.
My dogs have learnt to stop digging in the gardens.(Err well almost - that is why you can see ugly wires across the gardens sometimes - a deterrent of sorts) They are trying to compensate with the rest of the yard. I can sit on the sides of my garden and pull a weed or two - admire the growth, sip my wine and pretend to listen to MOTH's day. I don't have to bend over or dig madly.

Why are most of our capsicums growing a funny sideways? My son and his soccer ball - that is why. The plants keep supplying the capsicum so I don't whinge too much.
Ornamentals are mixed with herbs, vegetables, lettuce and weeds.
Slowly but surely... it is becoming our "other" sanctuary. Other peoples rubbish, plants propagated and shared from friends... the dogs and the illusion that we are alone out there. And the most money we spent was for the dirt in the vegetable gardens - so under $100. The only plant I paid full price for was the passion fruit vine (forgetting you only need one passion fruit a year for pavlova) and Joy bought me my lime tree.

Maybe this weekend we will get time to build another patch! (Yes - we will mow the lawns because we have daughter no3's and my girlfriend Megs' combined birthday party Saturday) And the boat motor has to go in for a service! So that will be exciting!

And the answer is YES - the dogs have dug heaps up and I often come home from work to dirt all over the ground and torn up plants. The dogs actually appear to be pointing at each other too.

Doesn't take a dreadful lot to keep me amused!

Quick what is happening

I have been sick with the flu and it has made me ill tempered and probably not the person I prefer to be. I think being sick makes me intolerant and probably insensitive.

Anna (daughter No2) had most of last week off school due to the same flu. MOTH had a day off and my son soldiers on mostly because if you have a day off school you also have to forgo any soccer activities as well.

I had two half days off... Thursday only half my kids turned up and a nice coworker suggested I go home... I rang in for Friday off work and the director told me I had to ring at 6 - 6.30 am and not an hour before I was due to work... so I went in? and they sent me home! Sometimes policy and procedure just goes mad. I dont think I will ever have a real sick day because I wouldnt dream of trying to use a telephone at 6 am.

I havent replaced my cell phone... nor have I considered it.

Jane (daughter No3) has a new babysitting job that could become a bit of a handful. She still tries to find "herself" and sometimes does a dismal job. She text messaged her sister from the toilets of the school.... that she preferred to hide there rather than sit and have lunch alone. Her concern with her appearance worries me...But if I get too worried MOTH worries and he...well he just doesnt help matters.....and I hate it when they all fight. My girls are all like little dogs... they may have fear but together they are a nasty little pack that do bite....

I did get a healthier tax return than I was expecting. But I am a little tired of always feeling under financial pressure and so have just put it all away for a while - at least till the holiday to see daughter No1 and my grandson.

Everything will be fine... it always is. In the end.

Rudd and the strip club

Cannot help myself - have to post this.

"Four years ago, Kevin Rudd got drunk and took himself into a strip club," Senator Brown said.

"Four years ago, John Howard, sober, took Australia into the Iraq war. I think the electorate can judge which one did the more harm," he said.

Eloquent huh?

The Screenplay - Howard In Iraq

This came in my email last week via my aunt. I just thought it too good not to share. My reading is so not up to scratch lately! Thank heavens for Crikey huh?


Howard in Iraq -- the screenplay
Mungo MacCallum writes:


Scene: A secure office somewhere in Baghdad. Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki is seated behind a desk checking the latest casualty figures. There is a knock at the door...

Maliki: (resignedly) Come in.

(Enter a small, grinning, perspiring, twitching person)

Maliki: And you are …?

Howard (for it is he): John Winston Howard, Prime Minister of Australia. G’day, or Shalom, as I think you people say.

Maliki: No. (pause) Australian, is it? The Australian ambassador told me a joke the other day. He said “John Hunt is a coward.” I did not understand. Perhaps you can explain … no? Then what is your business?

Howard: Well, it’s about all the fighting that’s going on among you lot. I can tell you we’re getting pretty sick of it Down Under.

Maliki: It may surprise you to learn that we don’t like it much either. So …?

Howard: Well, I’m here to tell you that unless you pull up your socks and do something about it, we’ll have to take action. The opinion polls won’t stand for it much longer. We’ll have to consider the position of our soldiers. They might even have to leave.

Maliki: Yes, I suppose that might help. But remind me: you have soldiers here? What exactly do they do?

Howard: Well, some of them guard our Embassy …

Maliki: The Australian Embassy. That’s very helpful.

Howard: … and there are others down South, in the thick if it.

Maliki: Doing what?

Howard: Well, until recently they were looking after the Japanese.

Maliki: Yes, the Japanese ... I believe they have left. So are you too planning to cut and run?

Howard: Oh no no no no no no no. Far from it. It is just that if things don’t improve public support for our presence here may no longer be sustainable.

Maliki: But as I understand it there has never been any public support. Almost from the first day the Australian people have vigorously opposed your sycophantic, token involvement. Why are you now mouthing this empty rhetoric, my little man of steel?

Howard: Well, I have this election coming on …

Maliki: Ah, an election. I understand. Well, good luck to you. And may I give you one piece of advice?

Howard: Oh yes, thank you Caliph or Sultan or whatever it is, please please. I’m a little desperate …

Maliki: Change your name to John Hunt.

(Curtain)

Pearls of wisdom.....

Currently I am a very poorly paid assistant at a Childcare centre wherein I take care of 12 two year olds usually with someone who has had formal training in childcare. I love it - the kids are amazing and smart, loving and hideously funny. My usual coworker is a pleasure to work with and has a similar attitude to kids. Some of my kids are so wonderful that I should be paying to play with them. That is no crap - they are that much fun.

Sadly - occasions mean I have to deal with ... other women. People. Adults.

Sharing this weeks "pearls of wisdom" that another worker decided to impart to me. The first one was where on noticing one of our walls is particularly old looking in the decorating she commented that I should "Come in on a weekend and undercoat it so that I could paint it fresh!"

Uhuh. I wont go into how poor the pay is in the childcare industry. Or how I think 99% of us work to have our weekends...

Because I have learnt that if I speak when someone says something stupid to me it almost always gets me in trouble (eventually fired)if I retaliate with the first thing I think of - I just chose not to speak to any adults for the rest of the day.

I love the kids - they completely don't mind if I chose not to talk at all.

But this one was possibly better.

Coworker walks past my room just as I say "Small child, please put the chair back at the table where it belongs." (Obviously child's name is not small child and I don't call them that)

She stops, and tells me, in all seriousness "I studied child psychology for three years and the experts tell you that you should NEVER say please to a toddler...instead you should say "Thank you for putting your chair back where it belongs" to indicate you are in control of the situation. Never say please to a toddler."

I bite tongue. Firstly small child is not, has no intention and probably wont put the damn chair back in any instance because he plans to use it in yet another escape attempt or mission to launch on his playmates. Let ALONE the consequences of saying that you should never use simple manners on a child....

I will ALWAYS say please and thank you to any child I work with because it is simple manners. I don't expect them to say either because honestly - only about five of my kids have a vocabulary that includes that. A couple of my kids don't have ANY vocabulary past "Mummy, uhoh" and "oops". Mummy means anyone they like who they want the attention of.... Uhoh means anything from I bit the kid crying next to me or I opened the door and three of my playmates just escaped... and OOps means when your back was turned I got hold of the paint and it is now all over the floor or somehow I just tipped my entire bowl of spaghetti on my/my neighbouring diners head.

I am always on the alert for both words... uhoh and oops.

I could then go onto why the hell anyone proclaims to have studied child psychology for three years and then works at a childcare centre on less than $20 an hour when this town has an incredible shortage of suitable experts for children with behavioural and learning disabilities....

I think I have a terrible low tolerance for adults. I suspect in this womans heart she thinks she is "helping" me. I am learning how to make sure I look terribly busy when she choses to come visit my room to help me.

The awful thing is I think my coworker will jump ship at her first opportunity. That will most likely make my "educator" my immediate boss. It is a shame the kids and I cant be left alone. Or I could chose who shares the responsibility with me.

Death of the cell phone - Or Mr Nobody strikes again

Last week the kids helped me bring in the groceries and a bag of stuff I had bought home from work to attend to. On the top of this latter bag I had stuck my cell phone, wallet and keys. Considerate kid did heap the bag onto the (already full) drainage rack beside the kitchen sink.

Some minutes later said cell phone was found taking a bath with the dirty dishes.

Nobody put the bag on the drainage rack. Uh-uh - all three confirm it was not them who put the bag ontop of the drainage rack. One day.. Mr Nobody.. one day... I will have my revenge.

Anyway - teenage daughter no 2 tells me that the phone will be fine... BECAUSE... she dropped her very expensive one in the SCHOOL TOILET a week or so back and when it dried out it worked fine. Same phone is in my name and has already been broken once and claimed on what was my perfect insurance record (barring an incident almost 20 years ago when my brother crashed my car)

"YOU didn't tell me that!" says I - in complete horror.

"Well duh, look how excited you get over your crappy phone!" Anna proceeds to take my phone apart to dry it.

"My phone has lasted me over SIX YEARS Anna!" I protest. (Ok so I only learnt my own number within the last year and can only just text message if you give me an hour to find all the keys - I like smspup - it is free and I can type the message on my keyboard)

My phone has not recovered. Sometimes I hear that annoying beep that means I have a message but the screen doesn't work at all.

Hope none of the text messages are important!

The LAST thing I feel like shopping for at the moment is a phone.

And of COURSE... for once my phone actually did have credit on it when the swimming incident occurred.

Gladstone Multi Cultural Festival 2007

My favourite festival of the year! This town throws some pretty good events - but this one is my absolute favourite (followed very closely by the Seafood festival). The food at this one is so wonderful - the choice perplexing, and a crowd with much jostling ... I don't really like crowds but in certain situations you have to deal with the bad to get the good! Jane and I chose the Indonesian, MOTH the Indian and William went for a little of each and the sweet donut like thing in the last picture that came from the Mexican stand - but I have no idea if that is authentic or not. (Anna was at work today) I cant wait till I am old though. Way too few tables - one taken up by a solitary senior citizen sitting alone with 6 chairs all taken up with a cardigan whilst mother's try to feed their children sitting on benches next to the garbage bins - and that table is taken for the full time we are there like that. That old bloke seriously needs his own walker. I hope someone buys him one. Even those perched on the tables with no food? Are they oblivious to the people trying to eat standing up?

We gave up trying to balance food on our laps - offering our bench to a woman trying to balance her food on her knees as she lent to assist her child in a pram - and ventured further into the marina parkland finding a lovely shady, grassy area to relax and eat. Just perfect!
Entertainers galore...
Something for everyone.. I especially like the use of recycle bins now days!
Doesn't take a lot to amuse me. I liked the camels second only to the food.


The things MOTH and Will are eating here were so incredibly sweet and came with chocolate or caramel dipping sauce just to make it sweeter!

We all went home full and a little sleepy.We parked a fair way away so as to enjoy the walk and anticipation and avoid the frenzy in the carparks. We called into the Crazy Prices on the way home for some gardening supplies and camping supplies for Anna's trip to the Oaks tomorrow with the school. MOTH is happily buying camping stuff at them moment as we plan to go camping over at Curtis Island on the 18th of this month. I am just hoping Anna doesn't lose or break anything we are sending with her - she is just brilliant at that. Usually simply lose.

I am looking forward to the weekend away - even if a little apprehensive about how the washing, cleaning, projects etc will fair while we are away. I am still not adjusted to working full time and the state of the house and the pile of things I have to do seem to be so daunting.

Except that sunrise generally means I have stayed awake too long again...

You Are Sunrise

You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary. You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward. Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts. All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be.

What Time Of Day Are You?