Or my arse is on show.
Kinda similar!
I adore my partner. But he has the ability of my mother to absolutely speak over me. It doesnt matter what I am trying to say they just talk louder and over me. I usually attempt to speak another two times and if they keep speaking over me... I just stop talking - get very sad, they never ever notice and I find a way to go away quietly when I really want to scream.
I got terribly jealous last week when I read a home carer's diary of one of my kids. She takes the kids to feed the ducks and stuff. I don't. I am barely allowed to let them get dirty.
Hurts are Hurts. Little or big.
Ducks' Ditty
All along the backwater,
Through the rushes tall,
Ducks are a-dabbling,
Up tails all!
Ducks' tails,
drakes' tails,
Yellow feet a-quiver,
Yellow bills all out of sight
Busy in the river!
Slushy green undergrowth
Where the roach swim—
Here we keep our larder,
Cool and full and dim.
Everyone for what he likes!
We like to be
Heads down,
tails up,
Dabbling free!
High in the blue aboveSwifts whirl and call—
We are down a-dabbling
Up tails all!
I wish I was allowed to play with the kids like that.
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Monday, June 01, 2009
Highs and Lows - Ebbs and weaves
I deleted this one because I worried I could get in trouble for commenting on truths! But it is funny how when you write something down and get it all into perspective - it just FEELS better. An action plan of sorts.
Or probably, in my case - inaction!
We are going to the Gold Coast to stay at a holiday resort in a tiny cabin for three days and attend dear friends engagement party on the Saturday night. We will go to Dreamworld on the Sunday and shop the rest of the time before driving home Monday.
That is my focus for the week. That and making sure my kids at work are happy. They will be.
Right! I better get ready for work!
Or probably, in my case - inaction!
We are going to the Gold Coast to stay at a holiday resort in a tiny cabin for three days and attend dear friends engagement party on the Saturday night. We will go to Dreamworld on the Sunday and shop the rest of the time before driving home Monday.
That is my focus for the week. That and making sure my kids at work are happy. They will be.
Right! I better get ready for work!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Redecorating - Povo style
Long time no post a waffle - I know.
Heaps has happened, and no Anna (my second daughter) still doesn't have her driver's license despite numerous threats of throwing her out of home, never giving her another lift etc. She has started a new dreadful habit when I take her out driving on her Learner's plates. She makes sound effects like "Woahhhhhhhhhhhh" when she brakes and "Arghhhhhhhhh" when she turns a corner or merges with traffic. The driving instructor is just going to LOVE that. Worse than when she used to take her hands off the wheel if she thought I was nagging her and say "Look Mum I am a good driver... no hands!"
My Mama gifted me with a patchwork quilt just before Christmas and since then Christian and I have painted our bedroom and started the decorating. The house we live in is about the same size as a postage stamp, so it is nice for me to have a retreat.
The frogs on the dressing table were a gift from Sara (oldest daughter) for Mother's Day. There is a story to that.
Yes - I know I have neglected that wardrobe for too long. I will give it some attention at the end of the month when I have some holidays. I haven't applied a coat of shellac to it since I let the chickens live in it when we first moved to Gladstone.
Oh - I could of turned that picture around and cleaned the mirror I guess.
The my retreat idea actually didn't work. When I come home and sit in my little chair... family tend to follow me in there and sit on the bed and computer chair.
We have also built a safe area for our outdoor setting and a few more gardens. Rocky (the dog) kept digging underneath our outdoor table and we were afraid he could topple it and it would kill him. And he also kept embarrassing me when I hosted any meal outside because he would flick dirt all over the guests feet.
Heaps has happened, and no Anna (my second daughter) still doesn't have her driver's license despite numerous threats of throwing her out of home, never giving her another lift etc. She has started a new dreadful habit when I take her out driving on her Learner's plates. She makes sound effects like "Woahhhhhhhhhhhh" when she brakes and "Arghhhhhhhhh" when she turns a corner or merges with traffic. The driving instructor is just going to LOVE that. Worse than when she used to take her hands off the wheel if she thought I was nagging her and say "Look Mum I am a good driver... no hands!"
My Mama gifted me with a patchwork quilt just before Christmas and since then Christian and I have painted our bedroom and started the decorating. The house we live in is about the same size as a postage stamp, so it is nice for me to have a retreat.
The frogs on the dressing table were a gift from Sara (oldest daughter) for Mother's Day. There is a story to that.
Yes - I know I have neglected that wardrobe for too long. I will give it some attention at the end of the month when I have some holidays. I haven't applied a coat of shellac to it since I let the chickens live in it when we first moved to Gladstone.
Oh - I could of turned that picture around and cleaned the mirror I guess.
The my retreat idea actually didn't work. When I come home and sit in my little chair... family tend to follow me in there and sit on the bed and computer chair.
We have also built a safe area for our outdoor setting and a few more gardens. Rocky (the dog) kept digging underneath our outdoor table and we were afraid he could topple it and it would kill him. And he also kept embarrassing me when I hosted any meal outside because he would flick dirt all over the guests feet. Anna always complains that I never finish projects and there is some truth in that. But I have a new waterfall and fishpond and the birds are well cared for!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Ok - somewhat calmer
I feel a little bit silly waffling like that for the past few blogs.
Our dog Rocky has to be desexed. I have to pay for him to be registered as a dangerous dog and he gets a special dangerous dog collar, a muzzle and signs that have to be erected on our fence warning of the dangerous dog.
Shame I am not allowed to put signs on the neighbours fence warning that they are idiots.
Nothings going to change. Rocky will still be ... the dog on my bed at night, my warner of intruders, my greeter at all opening of any doors.... and we can afford this. Actually - I consider him worth every cent... times a million really. I wish he liked baths but other than that... he is everything I like in a dog.
Damn shame he chose to shake the little dog. But I know he would do it again.
I adore my family. I wish they wouldn't fight. I wish some of them wouldn't choose to live so far away. It's not all days by the water having fun and mad meal times. Some of being a family happens to be... arguments and nasty comments and selfishness.. raised voices and tantrums and restless nights on the sofa until the dogs drive me nuts and I have to creep back into my own bed.
The simple fact is.. I love them.
BUT.. get this. My works gone a bit crazy of late. Insecurity that I think is due to outside pressures that myself and my coworkers have no power to control has .... hmmmm dampened spirits?
But our numbers of children have been low - and without children we don't have jobs. That has been picking up daily for us. But our boss has decided to shuffle the workplace arrangements to "REDUCE THE TENSION" (that's what the crazy memo says) there has been a shuffle of assistants to begin in two weeks. And I love working in my room with my group leader... and I adore the age group I have. I will be moving into the Kindy room.. so to 3-4 year olds. Most of these children I had as 22 month olds until 30 month olds and I loved them all. The woman who is the group leader in that room is lovely. So where is the catch? That woman goes on maternity leave soon. I have mucked around and not completed the qualifications I need... and it is most likely I will have to work with someone .......... for want of a better word... yucky.
I work with two year olds.
Sometimes I find their language quite appropriate.
Arghhh and Gah.
Oh - as my little blonde haired two year old often tells me... "BULLSHIT". She said that too me today... and usually I tell her not to use that word and chastise her... all I could do was nod and tell her that I agreed... it was.
Oddly enough.. she then didn't say it again.
The children are going to get a new person to look after them that I find quite cruel. Part of me thinks being with my old kids will be lovely. But I like what I do - who I work with and the wonderful age my kids are.
I really only have a few assignments to finish and attend to some idiot posters that I just hate doing for the course. I decided today I was going to have tomorrow off sick and do the damn things. And when I got home... I realised my partner has tomorrow off due to the rain and my kids will be home. If I stayed home.. I wouldnt get anything done. I would be taxi, cook, companion and mediator. Hand holder and appointment maker, general cleaner and tongue biter....
It is bullshit. I love working where I do and I should of attended to my studies. I just get too damn busy at home .... Rain is forecast for the rest of the week... how ghastly.
Our dog Rocky has to be desexed. I have to pay for him to be registered as a dangerous dog and he gets a special dangerous dog collar, a muzzle and signs that have to be erected on our fence warning of the dangerous dog.
Shame I am not allowed to put signs on the neighbours fence warning that they are idiots.
Nothings going to change. Rocky will still be ... the dog on my bed at night, my warner of intruders, my greeter at all opening of any doors.... and we can afford this. Actually - I consider him worth every cent... times a million really. I wish he liked baths but other than that... he is everything I like in a dog.
Damn shame he chose to shake the little dog. But I know he would do it again.
I adore my family. I wish they wouldn't fight. I wish some of them wouldn't choose to live so far away. It's not all days by the water having fun and mad meal times. Some of being a family happens to be... arguments and nasty comments and selfishness.. raised voices and tantrums and restless nights on the sofa until the dogs drive me nuts and I have to creep back into my own bed.
The simple fact is.. I love them.
BUT.. get this. My works gone a bit crazy of late. Insecurity that I think is due to outside pressures that myself and my coworkers have no power to control has .... hmmmm dampened spirits?
But our numbers of children have been low - and without children we don't have jobs. That has been picking up daily for us. But our boss has decided to shuffle the workplace arrangements to "REDUCE THE TENSION" (that's what the crazy memo says) there has been a shuffle of assistants to begin in two weeks. And I love working in my room with my group leader... and I adore the age group I have. I will be moving into the Kindy room.. so to 3-4 year olds. Most of these children I had as 22 month olds until 30 month olds and I loved them all. The woman who is the group leader in that room is lovely. So where is the catch? That woman goes on maternity leave soon. I have mucked around and not completed the qualifications I need... and it is most likely I will have to work with someone .......... for want of a better word... yucky.
I work with two year olds.
Sometimes I find their language quite appropriate.
Arghhh and Gah.
Oh - as my little blonde haired two year old often tells me... "BULLSHIT". She said that too me today... and usually I tell her not to use that word and chastise her... all I could do was nod and tell her that I agreed... it was.
Oddly enough.. she then didn't say it again.
The children are going to get a new person to look after them that I find quite cruel. Part of me thinks being with my old kids will be lovely. But I like what I do - who I work with and the wonderful age my kids are.
I really only have a few assignments to finish and attend to some idiot posters that I just hate doing for the course. I decided today I was going to have tomorrow off sick and do the damn things. And when I got home... I realised my partner has tomorrow off due to the rain and my kids will be home. If I stayed home.. I wouldnt get anything done. I would be taxi, cook, companion and mediator. Hand holder and appointment maker, general cleaner and tongue biter....
It is bullshit. I love working where I do and I should of attended to my studies. I just get too damn busy at home .... Rain is forecast for the rest of the week... how ghastly.
Monday, February 09, 2009
Rocky was declared dangerous
The council's letter stated that he had attacked a person.
That of course was bullshit.
The councils spokesperson said that it was just a typo.
The horrid little man said that Rocky's,,, puncturing the little dogs neck was dangerous and not necessary and I became instantly annoyed and thought of all the parents who have attacked me verbally because their kids have bite wounds, skinned knees or bumped foreheads and told me it was my fault.
The fact is... dogs are dogs. They behave like dogs. Children are children. They behave like children.
If you are a dog lover.. dont move to Gladstone. The pound keepers will put your entire dog in with a on heat pure bred bitch. We witnessed the pound keeper then kick our own dog to try get him off her.
Oh I am mad at MOTH for letting Rocky get the little dog. But I cant stay mad at the little dog no matter how often he barks and be's horrid.
Rocky has to be desexed now... and council will give him a dangerous dog collar... a muzzle and some signs for our house to say he is dangerous....and we have to pay large fees to register him.
I am so mad at MOTH. As he and Anna fight I just get more and more demented.
That of course was bullshit.
The councils spokesperson said that it was just a typo.
The horrid little man said that Rocky's,,, puncturing the little dogs neck was dangerous and not necessary and I became instantly annoyed and thought of all the parents who have attacked me verbally because their kids have bite wounds, skinned knees or bumped foreheads and told me it was my fault.
The fact is... dogs are dogs. They behave like dogs. Children are children. They behave like children.
If you are a dog lover.. dont move to Gladstone. The pound keepers will put your entire dog in with a on heat pure bred bitch. We witnessed the pound keeper then kick our own dog to try get him off her.
Oh I am mad at MOTH for letting Rocky get the little dog. But I cant stay mad at the little dog no matter how often he barks and be's horrid.
Rocky has to be desexed now... and council will give him a dangerous dog collar... a muzzle and some signs for our house to say he is dangerous....and we have to pay large fees to register him.
I am so mad at MOTH. As he and Anna fight I just get more and more demented.
Absolute paling in comparison
The news is constant with the awful stuff happening in Victoria. I remember the fires in my own hometown of Cootamundra and the ones recently when I wasnt there but I still worried....
I guess its just awful selfishness that I still worry about my own ... much lesser problems?
Jane is in Laidley... and I havent spoken to her yet. She rang Anna for the money she lent Anna but I declined to get into that telephone conversation. I hear both sides...
Today William got offered a soccer trip to the UK that would cost me... about 8 k... and I semi lost the plot because I just cant afford it. And that makes me feel bad.
On the weekend MOTH took me too Brisbane to attend to something stupid I did... and made us hurry.... (We had to pick up a computer that somehow I got wrangled with fixing when really I have never claimed to be good at hardware stuff... I barely manage with software stuff... but I wouldnt quit... and I took it to a friend who knows more and then... it had to come back.. and its still fucked)
MOTH drove through his hometown where I lived with him for a while and I didnt cope very well. I was still terrified of the place... and just so glad I escaped.
My dog Rocky was declared dangerous. I will add to that in a minute with a seperate title. My daughter Anna and my partner are fighting in a way that upsets me ... so awfully that I am scared to speak and I wish I could run away.
But I cant... I have work, my family has to live and pay bills and someone has to cook and clean...
The kids at work are lovely and so alive and clever. I love this job. It makes it so sad knowing I cant keep doing it - I cant afford to, and if I could afford to I am growing so tired of this town that I just have to leave soon. If I want things to get better I have to go back to administration. I don't think I can be a legal secretary anymore because now I do answer back. Childcare doesnt pay. Most of the workers are lovely... but oh my goodness worrying about the others is just... horrid.
My tears are selfish. I shouldnt expect to have decent relationships with the two children I barely had any impact on raising. I shouldnt cry over them.
I just dont have $8000 to send William off to the UK for soccer fun. And if I did have it... I think I could take us all for that amount of money. I am the queen of free or cheap. But he just never asks for anything.
And It felt awful telling him.. I just dont have the money. I dont have anything. I pay off a car every week I never get to drive. I dont think anyone would lend me the money to buy another one...I dont get to say what time my windows are drawn.
And the only time I got excited because I thought I had a friend of my own... she only wanted to hang around me for what MOTH can provide. And that stuff... annoys the crap out of me.
I know I am whinging way more than anyone should be allowed to... but I got one more. My apologies for my waffling.
I guess its just awful selfishness that I still worry about my own ... much lesser problems?
Jane is in Laidley... and I havent spoken to her yet. She rang Anna for the money she lent Anna but I declined to get into that telephone conversation. I hear both sides...
Today William got offered a soccer trip to the UK that would cost me... about 8 k... and I semi lost the plot because I just cant afford it. And that makes me feel bad.
On the weekend MOTH took me too Brisbane to attend to something stupid I did... and made us hurry.... (We had to pick up a computer that somehow I got wrangled with fixing when really I have never claimed to be good at hardware stuff... I barely manage with software stuff... but I wouldnt quit... and I took it to a friend who knows more and then... it had to come back.. and its still fucked)
MOTH drove through his hometown where I lived with him for a while and I didnt cope very well. I was still terrified of the place... and just so glad I escaped.
My dog Rocky was declared dangerous. I will add to that in a minute with a seperate title. My daughter Anna and my partner are fighting in a way that upsets me ... so awfully that I am scared to speak and I wish I could run away.
But I cant... I have work, my family has to live and pay bills and someone has to cook and clean...
The kids at work are lovely and so alive and clever. I love this job. It makes it so sad knowing I cant keep doing it - I cant afford to, and if I could afford to I am growing so tired of this town that I just have to leave soon. If I want things to get better I have to go back to administration. I don't think I can be a legal secretary anymore because now I do answer back. Childcare doesnt pay. Most of the workers are lovely... but oh my goodness worrying about the others is just... horrid.
My tears are selfish. I shouldnt expect to have decent relationships with the two children I barely had any impact on raising. I shouldnt cry over them.
I just dont have $8000 to send William off to the UK for soccer fun. And if I did have it... I think I could take us all for that amount of money. I am the queen of free or cheap. But he just never asks for anything.
And It felt awful telling him.. I just dont have the money. I dont have anything. I pay off a car every week I never get to drive. I dont think anyone would lend me the money to buy another one...I dont get to say what time my windows are drawn.
And the only time I got excited because I thought I had a friend of my own... she only wanted to hang around me for what MOTH can provide. And that stuff... annoys the crap out of me.
I know I am whinging way more than anyone should be allowed to... but I got one more. My apologies for my waffling.
Monday, February 02, 2009
She didn't listen.....
Saturday night as it grew late and my friend was about to leave, Jane told me that she had something important to tell me. My friend left some ten minutes later and Jane springs on me that in the morning she catches the train to join her Uncle on the extreme outskirts of Brisbane - who has agreed to help her return to school.
She kept asking me to respond... but I had nothing to respond with ... I can't say no - she will anyway. I can't say "Go with my best wishes" - because now I have to explain to MacDonald's here why Jane isn't here to accept the shifts she went to go and get... after much coercion from me. Because I don't believe she wants to go to school for the right reasons and I don't believe moving 700 kms away from her parents (not just me and her stepfather but her father too 100kms north of us)is for the benefit of the family... and because I just know too well the trauma and expense of setting her up for a new school or beginning only to find she .....
Gah.
Poor Uncle. I wonder if I ever told him how difficult it is to get her out of bed before midday? Jane gets chance No 107 (I could be overusing poetic license a little again) at basic attending school.... and achieving somewhat harmonious living.
There is an even more sinister side to it all from me than just Jane's continual betrayal and bad choices. And the ghastly bit is me. Not only do I feel the frustration and hurt at what she does... but the fact that I actually breathe a sigh of relief because it simply is easier with just Anna and William - makes me feel so very terrible. What an awful mother. I find my own daughter such a conflict.. so very strange to me... unpredictable, taciturn and absolutely unable to care about the feelings of the rest of us....that I am actually relieved (when I am not worrying about her safety) that the house is just back to us.
Anna explains it as it has always really just been us - and somehow I understand that. Doesn't make it less sad.. just makes it a bit easier to concentrate on the positives..... William just knows to come for a hug sometimes and head back to the Tardis. (That is what we have always called his room).
I don't understand or like or.... have enough patience with the self harm - the sleeping all day, the churlish remarks, the refusal to help with chores without a song and dance worthy of a slavery story, the fact I worry more than any parent should that she could be stealing.. and I feel suitably revolted in myself for feeling all of this.
And I don't know what to do to stop it all.
So instead I deal with Anna's mad plans to go blonde, attend soccer sign up with William and just deal with my week at work as best I can. Hoping no one see's too through me as a failure as a parent to two of my kids.
Monday, January 26, 2009
It isn't easy being a parent
The house we live in is the same size as a postage stamp.
Ok - Sometimes I take poetic license to extremes. But it is small.
All my younger children are home again.
That is good - because I love them and I like them near. That is also bad because three bedrooms , two proper adults (well we like to think we are), two largish dogs, one teenage boy and two teenage girls in a three bedroom house poses problems. A normal family would probably say - well the two girls share one room and the son in the other. That doesn't work here.
The girls would kill each other.
Jane got fired from MacDonald's. The maintenance worker told of the girls giving away free food... thus misappropriating... and I guess stealing from their employer. Of course it is stealing. My apologies there.
Jane tells me she wants to go back to school. Firstly we sent her to boarding school because she was difficult to make go to school... then I did the six months drag her out of bed and make her go to school thing... and then she quits and works full time... and its not that I don't think she is smart. It is not that I don't think she is smarter than most people.
It is just that she has blown chance after chance after chance.... and this time... sure come home.. sure Mum will fix it... but this time you need a vocation choice... even if it isn't her immediate choice...
And Jane don't listen to the others who tell you.... oh its ok Jane I stole - I cut myself and I didn't fight depression and fucked up.
And Jane don't listen to your stepfather who is just fed up with my antics and my children's antics and he just wants a decent boat.
And Jane don't listen to your older sister who acts like a little cuckoo bird.. you know she stinks at sharing.
Just once Jane.. listen to your mother. Just stick at something, I don't care what it is really - there are avenues to anything if you really want it... and just don't .. just don't steal.
My horror hasn't left from the first time. (Stealing I mean) First my absolute denial... when someone close warned me she was I said... No Way - not one of my kids. Then the betrayal... I stole because my parents wouldn't give me what I needed... when she was stealing stuff for babies and dolls....???? The... absolute horror of the whole thing... the female detective losing her temper with her when she refused to answer or rolled her eyes... her own solicitor getting cranky at her for her spoilt behaviour....
And this time... knowing I cant say much... but knowing just from her attitude that she doesn't seem to understand that giving her friends free food from the company... is stealing. I cant say... FOR FUCKS SAKE DO NT STEAL.... I cant make it worse.
But I gotta pretend every things just fine as I figure out how to get her some other kind of training/job... then Anna's and William's (albeit smaller but still real) problems and not lose my temper at my own job.....while my partner faces instability in his job.
She slept all day today and when she did wake... she asked me for a driving lesson just before she knew I had friends due to arrive. There was no fuel in the manual car... and it takes me ages to prepare for guests. If she had of asked me in the morning there would of been no problem.
I just feel so bad... I never make her happy.
Ok - Sometimes I take poetic license to extremes. But it is small.
All my younger children are home again.
That is good - because I love them and I like them near. That is also bad because three bedrooms , two proper adults (well we like to think we are), two largish dogs, one teenage boy and two teenage girls in a three bedroom house poses problems. A normal family would probably say - well the two girls share one room and the son in the other. That doesn't work here.
The girls would kill each other.
Jane got fired from MacDonald's. The maintenance worker told of the girls giving away free food... thus misappropriating... and I guess stealing from their employer. Of course it is stealing. My apologies there.
Jane tells me she wants to go back to school. Firstly we sent her to boarding school because she was difficult to make go to school... then I did the six months drag her out of bed and make her go to school thing... and then she quits and works full time... and its not that I don't think she is smart. It is not that I don't think she is smarter than most people.
It is just that she has blown chance after chance after chance.... and this time... sure come home.. sure Mum will fix it... but this time you need a vocation choice... even if it isn't her immediate choice...
And Jane don't listen to the others who tell you.... oh its ok Jane I stole - I cut myself and I didn't fight depression and fucked up.
And Jane don't listen to your stepfather who is just fed up with my antics and my children's antics and he just wants a decent boat.
And Jane don't listen to your older sister who acts like a little cuckoo bird.. you know she stinks at sharing.
Just once Jane.. listen to your mother. Just stick at something, I don't care what it is really - there are avenues to anything if you really want it... and just don't .. just don't steal.
My horror hasn't left from the first time. (Stealing I mean) First my absolute denial... when someone close warned me she was I said... No Way - not one of my kids. Then the betrayal... I stole because my parents wouldn't give me what I needed... when she was stealing stuff for babies and dolls....???? The... absolute horror of the whole thing... the female detective losing her temper with her when she refused to answer or rolled her eyes... her own solicitor getting cranky at her for her spoilt behaviour....
And this time... knowing I cant say much... but knowing just from her attitude that she doesn't seem to understand that giving her friends free food from the company... is stealing. I cant say... FOR FUCKS SAKE DO NT STEAL.... I cant make it worse.
But I gotta pretend every things just fine as I figure out how to get her some other kind of training/job... then Anna's and William's (albeit smaller but still real) problems and not lose my temper at my own job.....while my partner faces instability in his job.
She slept all day today and when she did wake... she asked me for a driving lesson just before she knew I had friends due to arrive. There was no fuel in the manual car... and it takes me ages to prepare for guests. If she had of asked me in the morning there would of been no problem.
I just feel so bad... I never make her happy.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
The letter... after yet another ghastly event
The Chief Executive Officer
Dear Sir/Madam,
Re: Local Law No 3 – Keeping and control of animals
We deny that Rocky is a dangerous dog and regard him as both a loyal family member and necessary protector of our property. His presence is a deterrent to break ins, robberies and trespass that occur in our neighbourhood. The vacant and abandoned property that is (blank address) has had a regular traffic of vagrants and homeless people and thefts in our area are a regular occurrence.
Rocky hasn’t a dangerous nature. He is friend to all and I regularly take him to my work at a local childcare centre to meet with the children. Our teenage children and ourselves have regular and frequent visitors to which Rocky is known as a gentle and obedient dog. His interactions with other dogs have been extensive in his 6 years and he loves to play with other dogs.
The “acquired sufficient evidence” as sited in the letter from council on the 14th January is information that we should be given.
The incident in which the local law officer visited our premises on the Sunday morning 4th December prior to 9 am occurred at approximately 4.30pm the previous day, and had unusual circumstances to it.
The neighbours of (blank address) have in the past had two dogs - Sam* and Leah* who are both Jack Russell’s. Rocky and these dogs have had a pleasant relationship. Both Sam and Leah have in the past regularly and often managed to make holes to come into our yard and the street. Rocky played with them. Indeed, the three of them could be counted on to warn both houses of any visitors. Countless times I and other members of my family have put them back into their yard and repaired the small holes.
The neighbours informed Christian that they had obtained the tiny fluffy dog as a charitable exercise for the RSPCA.
The new dog has not been very neighbourly. He yapps constantly when he is alone and consistently at any activity in our yard; is aggressive at the fence and marks his territory along the fence line.
On the Saturday afternoon of the 3rd Rocky was in the front yard with MOTH on their way to the car for Rockys’ regular run up the hill. The neighbours walked past with the new dog and Rocky uncharacteristically ran to the new dog and picked him up by the neck and shook him before Christian realised what he was doing. Rocky was acting like a dog – affirming his position in the pack – or his territory.
We were told by your local law officer that the small dog suffered a few puncture marks that were treated at the vets. We saw the small dog only half an hour later happily standing up looking out the window in his owners’ car. The next day the small dog was happily yapping along our fence line aggressive at my hanging out the washing. Daily since, the little dog has shown by his aggressive and healthy antics at our fence that he suffered no permanent injury and in fact displays a perverse and continuing antagonistic behaviour towards all members of our family.
Whilst I concede Rockys’ actions must of been utterly terrifying to the owners and we regret the incident occurred, the actions of Rocky were entirely within a dogs instincts. The little dog suffered minimal injuries as to just consideration to the size difference of the two dogs. I firmly believe that if Rocky had of wanted to be harmful to the little dog more considerable injuries would of been inflicted.
Rocky is a delightful ageing dog who loves to please us and loves to socialise. He warns of intruders and then greets them warmly once they are inside our gates or doors. The little dog next door displays aggression and constant noise which would of encouraged Rockys’ not so friendly actions to show the little dog who has dominance in the territory. The little dog has not in any way been affected or shown any sign of stopping his dominant behaviour. Rocky will be leashed in future on the way to the car for his exercise trips to avoid any further conflict with the little dog.
The little dogs’ behaviour has been of annoyance to our household and still is. Under normal circumstances I would never complain because we really do love and understand dogs’ behaviour. Our neighbours do not attempt to modify or discourage this dogs’ behaviour in any way even though their previous dogs were sweet little things that obeyed commands and shushed when I told them too.
If the story that the little dog came from the RSPCA is true – I have a fairly good idea how it came about being there. I personally don’t believe the story because I have never understood these neighbours to be charitable in any way.
Ok... so best I edit the last two paragraphs! Of course I changed the names of the other dogs to protect the innocent! They have been missing pretty much since the new .... pure bred fluffy thing...I think its a pomeranian?... awfully cute....arrived....
I have never liked these neighbours (Oh except their kids I mean - I adore the two girls - they have moved out though. Smart kids too.)
People can just be so horrid.
You know... Rocky and Dotti occasionally get into tassles together. Not often - but sometimes. Rocky likes to fight Moose up the road who is a possibility as one of his fathers... along with Digger, Teddy and that brown dog up the road that we called Sam. Rocky just LOVED fighting out at the Brady's farm. Just loved it. There is not often blood... just the flash of teeth and show of aggression. It doesn't happen often but it does happen. Dotti likes to fight people too... but there is never any blood unless you are stupid enough to pull your hand away too fast from her mouth.
I throw my drinks at my dogs when they fight too madly. They are big and they break things if they get too carried away. It also horrifies guests. I mean it... horrifies them. Especially because we don't ever get worried by it until they are close to something they can break. The quick shock of the liquid makes the fight over.
Anyway.. if this one is hanged on Rocky we have to pay a mad yearly fee to have a dangerous dog - he has to be muzzled in public, he has to be desexed (I wont mind that one - it is MOTH who insists he isn't... Dotti is desexed) and we have to have signs saying he is dangerous... he will have to wear a tag saying he is dangerous... I already have the big fences etc....
Bloody hell. People are arseholes. I have always disliked this neighbour but MOTH can't help being nice to people he shouldn't be.
This town and dogs are a bit of a disaster. Dogs are banned from almost anywhere. The dog park is usually absolutely feral with knee high grass, sandflies and is located near the rubbish dump.
Once Rocky got put in the pound for his indiscretions with the lady dogs - and when I picked him up he was in a cage with a pure bred husky bitch humping her... and the poundkeeper tried to kick him off her... That incident meant I had trouble with Rocky and any van vehicle that looked like the pound keeper... he thought the pound visit was fantastic and wanted to go again.
Another time I tried to deny it was Rocky the pound man was complaining about and claimed he was at home all night. Sadly, the pound man had Rockys collar as proof of his whereabouts. Embarrassment much.
I gave MOTH a terrible time about this incident. I blamed him because MOTH just consistently does this... he loves Rocky too and doesnt seem to forsee trouble. Actually, I think I have been really mean to MOTH. And it is silly because .. well I love MOTH. I just wish to hell that he hadnt trusted Rocky out the front when we knew Rocky was having a hard time with the little dog.
Dear Sir/Madam,
Re: Local Law No 3 – Keeping and control of animals
We deny that Rocky is a dangerous dog and regard him as both a loyal family member and necessary protector of our property. His presence is a deterrent to break ins, robberies and trespass that occur in our neighbourhood. The vacant and abandoned property that is (blank address) has had a regular traffic of vagrants and homeless people and thefts in our area are a regular occurrence.
Rocky hasn’t a dangerous nature. He is friend to all and I regularly take him to my work at a local childcare centre to meet with the children. Our teenage children and ourselves have regular and frequent visitors to which Rocky is known as a gentle and obedient dog. His interactions with other dogs have been extensive in his 6 years and he loves to play with other dogs.
The “acquired sufficient evidence” as sited in the letter from council on the 14th January is information that we should be given.
The incident in which the local law officer visited our premises on the Sunday morning 4th December prior to 9 am occurred at approximately 4.30pm the previous day, and had unusual circumstances to it.
The neighbours of (blank address) have in the past had two dogs - Sam* and Leah* who are both Jack Russell’s. Rocky and these dogs have had a pleasant relationship. Both Sam and Leah have in the past regularly and often managed to make holes to come into our yard and the street. Rocky played with them. Indeed, the three of them could be counted on to warn both houses of any visitors. Countless times I and other members of my family have put them back into their yard and repaired the small holes.
The neighbours informed Christian that they had obtained the tiny fluffy dog as a charitable exercise for the RSPCA.
The new dog has not been very neighbourly. He yapps constantly when he is alone and consistently at any activity in our yard; is aggressive at the fence and marks his territory along the fence line.
On the Saturday afternoon of the 3rd Rocky was in the front yard with MOTH on their way to the car for Rockys’ regular run up the hill. The neighbours walked past with the new dog and Rocky uncharacteristically ran to the new dog and picked him up by the neck and shook him before Christian realised what he was doing. Rocky was acting like a dog – affirming his position in the pack – or his territory.
We were told by your local law officer that the small dog suffered a few puncture marks that were treated at the vets. We saw the small dog only half an hour later happily standing up looking out the window in his owners’ car. The next day the small dog was happily yapping along our fence line aggressive at my hanging out the washing. Daily since, the little dog has shown by his aggressive and healthy antics at our fence that he suffered no permanent injury and in fact displays a perverse and continuing antagonistic behaviour towards all members of our family.
Whilst I concede Rockys’ actions must of been utterly terrifying to the owners and we regret the incident occurred, the actions of Rocky were entirely within a dogs instincts. The little dog suffered minimal injuries as to just consideration to the size difference of the two dogs. I firmly believe that if Rocky had of wanted to be harmful to the little dog more considerable injuries would of been inflicted.
Rocky is a delightful ageing dog who loves to please us and loves to socialise. He warns of intruders and then greets them warmly once they are inside our gates or doors. The little dog next door displays aggression and constant noise which would of encouraged Rockys’ not so friendly actions to show the little dog who has dominance in the territory. The little dog has not in any way been affected or shown any sign of stopping his dominant behaviour. Rocky will be leashed in future on the way to the car for his exercise trips to avoid any further conflict with the little dog.
The little dogs’ behaviour has been of annoyance to our household and still is. Under normal circumstances I would never complain because we really do love and understand dogs’ behaviour. Our neighbours do not attempt to modify or discourage this dogs’ behaviour in any way even though their previous dogs were sweet little things that obeyed commands and shushed when I told them too.
Ok... so best I edit the last two paragraphs! Of course I changed the names of the other dogs to protect the innocent! They have been missing pretty much since the new .... pure bred fluffy thing...I think its a pomeranian?... awfully cute....arrived....
I have never liked these neighbours (Oh except their kids I mean - I adore the two girls - they have moved out though. Smart kids too.)
People can just be so horrid.
You know... Rocky and Dotti occasionally get into tassles together. Not often - but sometimes. Rocky likes to fight Moose up the road who is a possibility as one of his fathers... along with Digger, Teddy and that brown dog up the road that we called Sam. Rocky just LOVED fighting out at the Brady's farm. Just loved it. There is not often blood... just the flash of teeth and show of aggression. It doesn't happen often but it does happen. Dotti likes to fight people too... but there is never any blood unless you are stupid enough to pull your hand away too fast from her mouth.
I throw my drinks at my dogs when they fight too madly. They are big and they break things if they get too carried away. It also horrifies guests. I mean it... horrifies them. Especially because we don't ever get worried by it until they are close to something they can break. The quick shock of the liquid makes the fight over.
Anyway.. if this one is hanged on Rocky we have to pay a mad yearly fee to have a dangerous dog - he has to be muzzled in public, he has to be desexed (I wont mind that one - it is MOTH who insists he isn't... Dotti is desexed) and we have to have signs saying he is dangerous... he will have to wear a tag saying he is dangerous... I already have the big fences etc....
Bloody hell. People are arseholes. I have always disliked this neighbour but MOTH can't help being nice to people he shouldn't be.
This town and dogs are a bit of a disaster. Dogs are banned from almost anywhere. The dog park is usually absolutely feral with knee high grass, sandflies and is located near the rubbish dump.
Once Rocky got put in the pound for his indiscretions with the lady dogs - and when I picked him up he was in a cage with a pure bred husky bitch humping her... and the poundkeeper tried to kick him off her... That incident meant I had trouble with Rocky and any van vehicle that looked like the pound keeper... he thought the pound visit was fantastic and wanted to go again.
Another time I tried to deny it was Rocky the pound man was complaining about and claimed he was at home all night. Sadly, the pound man had Rockys collar as proof of his whereabouts. Embarrassment much.
I gave MOTH a terrible time about this incident. I blamed him because MOTH just consistently does this... he loves Rocky too and doesnt seem to forsee trouble. Actually, I think I have been really mean to MOTH. And it is silly because .. well I love MOTH. I just wish to hell that he hadnt trusted Rocky out the front when we knew Rocky was having a hard time with the little dog.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Survival - a matter of opinion
Anna and Schoolies week. The week High School graduates celebrate the end of their schooling.
Naturally - Anna got in trouble. She spent pretty much her entire high school life looking forward to this week and she got into immediate trouble. Arrested on the first night actually.
Cutting a long story short... She tells me she had lost her friends on the beach with the thousands of other schoolies, and when she came upon them they had already embarked on an altercation wherein one of her friends... (Laura - a very sweet girl) was being wrestled on the ground by a stranger who was pulling her hair. Anna immediately jumps in to defend her friend... and the police drag her off, handcuff her take her to the watch house and later arrest her.
When Anna told me the tale the day after she managed to make it all sound funny for me. Of course it wasn't.. it was horrible. There probably was a better way for Anna to react than to just jump into the fight.
Then I saw the pictures of Laura's injuries and I suddenly felt quite violent myself.
That incredible hunk of her hair pulled out by complete strangers?
I filled out Anna's court forms (we were on holidays for her court date) and she got a $250 public nuisance charge with no conviction recorded.
Later in schoolies week she managed to get herself a fine for drinking alcohol in a designated alcohol free zone. She probably wouldn't of got the fine if she hadn't of lied. Her friend admitted she was underage and just got a warning. Anna lied and said she was 18 and got the fine.
Anna returned from Schoolies adamant she had a wonderful time - notwithstanding the fact she has incurred considerable debt from her adventures.
Naturally - Anna got in trouble. She spent pretty much her entire high school life looking forward to this week and she got into immediate trouble. Arrested on the first night actually.
Cutting a long story short... She tells me she had lost her friends on the beach with the thousands of other schoolies, and when she came upon them they had already embarked on an altercation wherein one of her friends... (Laura - a very sweet girl) was being wrestled on the ground by a stranger who was pulling her hair. Anna immediately jumps in to defend her friend... and the police drag her off, handcuff her take her to the watch house and later arrest her.
When Anna told me the tale the day after she managed to make it all sound funny for me. Of course it wasn't.. it was horrible. There probably was a better way for Anna to react than to just jump into the fight.
Then I saw the pictures of Laura's injuries and I suddenly felt quite violent myself.
That incredible hunk of her hair pulled out by complete strangers?
I filled out Anna's court forms (we were on holidays for her court date) and she got a $250 public nuisance charge with no conviction recorded.
Later in schoolies week she managed to get herself a fine for drinking alcohol in a designated alcohol free zone. She probably wouldn't of got the fine if she hadn't of lied. Her friend admitted she was underage and just got a warning. Anna lied and said she was 18 and got the fine.
Anna returned from Schoolies adamant she had a wonderful time - notwithstanding the fact she has incurred considerable debt from her adventures.
Monday, December 01, 2008
Anna's formal
Ok - late but finally! Anna attended school for 12 years so she could attend school formal and Schoolies week. Exhausting - but it is all over.
There are tons of stories I hope to get to tell. But really - it is simply over. I took the day off work and drove up to be her slave. My youngest daughter Jane was a lovely also slave.
There are tons of stories I hope to get to tell. But really - it is simply over. I took the day off work and drove up to be her slave. My youngest daughter Jane was a lovely also slave.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Crabbing The Narrows
Weekends for me are normally just cooking, cleaning, shopping, taxiing and keeping my head above water. I am meant to be doing assignments for work too. I wagged again on Sunday.
We drove the boat along The Narrows and searched for mud crabs. The water was beautiful and smooth. My worries flew away and I didn't give a thought to the washing, painting, decorating, cleaning, assignments and attending to my personal relationships outside my home.
I think you can click on the photos to get bigger shots... the yellow thing above the crab is to measure the shell to see if the male crab is legal size. The females simply cannot be taken at any size in our state.
Ahhhh... you wonder why I include a shot of a perfectly normal looking mangrove? Because of what is in it.
Just a little bit closer!
Baby eagle plays dead - perfectly still as you get close. He is almost as big as Mum and Dad who hovered close around us and just watched.
We drove the boat along The Narrows and searched for mud crabs. The water was beautiful and smooth. My worries flew away and I didn't give a thought to the washing, painting, decorating, cleaning, assignments and attending to my personal relationships outside my home.
I think you can click on the photos to get bigger shots... the yellow thing above the crab is to measure the shell to see if the male crab is legal size. The females simply cannot be taken at any size in our state.
Ahhhh... you wonder why I include a shot of a perfectly normal looking mangrove? Because of what is in it.
Just a little bit closer!
Baby eagle plays dead - perfectly still as you get close. He is almost as big as Mum and Dad who hovered close around us and just watched.I love days like that.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Tom
At 6.14am Monday 27th October my oldest daughter Sara and her partner Chris welcomed Thomas Raymond into the world. It was Chris's birthday on the 26th so he had to endure the long labour after a day out golfing enjoying a drink. I was thousands of kilometres away and amazed that Sara kept texting me until just after midnight to keep me informed. I had a sleepless night just waiting and worrying. I was ridiculously sober.
I wasted my two days off work and did buggar all really. I considered having the full week off - but after wasting the two days I figured best I get back. No more wasting my days off for my kids.
Here is my grandson Jay with his new brother Tom. Jay looks dreadfully serious doesn't he?
According to Sara Jay is besotted by his brother.
They are Manly fans - but we don't hold football against them of course.
She is probably going to want to kill me for posting pictures of her hours after giving birth on the Internet. It is OK - I have done heaps worse.
Sara has big boobs hey? She has to be pleased about THAT!
The happy (and the gappy?) family.
My colleague and friend welcomed her granddaughter the exact same day - but we were first so therefore - we won. Today she bought her tiny granddaughter - Charlotte Louise into my work to show her off... and I burst into tears. I wont get to see Sara,Tom and Jay until the December Kylie Minogue trip .....
For addedbullshit drama Jane chose Monday to cut her wrists again. So - her father has rescued her from the tent and she... well... I don't know. She is safe in a house with people that love her again. People that cannot understand and feel utterly useless.... and I can't describe this properly. It is - for one second we were all happy and celebrating and the next we were all appalled and feeling useless and... well... I really can't describe this properly. I don't really know what happened.. I sent Jane the phone photo of the baby and Tuesday morning my second daughter rings to tell me Jane has been in hospital and has stitches and bandages.... and her father had to go and get her. I have to give my children's father that - in a crisis we work together. Occasionally we snip and snap at each other. But.. he comes through when he is needed. I don't know if Sara knows anything about that - and am a little worried about her reaction to that. Maybe she knows more than me. The kids dad and I always feel we know everything last.
Then - just to top the week off... I have been looking for MONTHS for a suitable new car. MOTH (man of the house aka Christian) tells me it is my car. But he definately has opinions. Our ford falcon has almost 700,000 kms on the odometer. The car is a bloody legend. But now - it has had it. The registration runs out on the 1st December. I find a well priced 2 year old ford falcon that will suit our needs. We need to tow - and we have had good luck with fords. But I didnt wait for MOTH to go and secure the car at the dealership. So he reacted by firstly arriving at the dealership and yelling at me and secondly when I get home and my girlfriend Meg is waiting for nibblies and has wine... another family train wreck occurs in company. Oh... heck it has been a week.
Anyway - we bought the car. I needed him as a co signature on the loan because I only clear $500 a week and I didn't wan't to owe money for more than 3 years. I pick it up tommorrow. But this week has just been... incredible. It probably wasn't a good idea writing about it except to serve once again as my sometimes diary.
Anyway -as I clean up after the train wreck that simply was another week, and hide the blushing and trembling from you that is my embarrassment... It will all be fine really.
Oh - and I hate working without my regular coworker. I hate bullshit workplace politics. But - I just took on a car loan so I can't quit now until I pay for it. I am going to save my holidays for a week there are no dramas and do the things I like best.
I wasted my two days off work and did buggar all really. I considered having the full week off - but after wasting the two days I figured best I get back. No more wasting my days off for my kids.
Here is my grandson Jay with his new brother Tom. Jay looks dreadfully serious doesn't he?
According to Sara Jay is besotted by his brother.
They are Manly fans - but we don't hold football against them of course.
She is probably going to want to kill me for posting pictures of her hours after giving birth on the Internet. It is OK - I have done heaps worse.
Sara has big boobs hey? She has to be pleased about THAT!
The happy (and the gappy?) family.My colleague and friend welcomed her granddaughter the exact same day - but we were first so therefore - we won. Today she bought her tiny granddaughter - Charlotte Louise into my work to show her off... and I burst into tears. I wont get to see Sara,Tom and Jay until the December Kylie Minogue trip .....
For added
Then - just to top the week off... I have been looking for MONTHS for a suitable new car. MOTH (man of the house aka Christian) tells me it is my car. But he definately has opinions. Our ford falcon has almost 700,000 kms on the odometer. The car is a bloody legend. But now - it has had it. The registration runs out on the 1st December. I find a well priced 2 year old ford falcon that will suit our needs. We need to tow - and we have had good luck with fords. But I didnt wait for MOTH to go and secure the car at the dealership. So he reacted by firstly arriving at the dealership and yelling at me and secondly when I get home and my girlfriend Meg is waiting for nibblies and has wine... another family train wreck occurs in company. Oh... heck it has been a week.
Anyway - we bought the car. I needed him as a co signature on the loan because I only clear $500 a week and I didn't wan't to owe money for more than 3 years. I pick it up tommorrow. But this week has just been... incredible. It probably wasn't a good idea writing about it except to serve once again as my sometimes diary.
Anyway -as I clean up after the train wreck that simply was another week, and hide the blushing and trembling from you that is my embarrassment... It will all be fine really.
Oh - and I hate working without my regular coworker. I hate bullshit workplace politics. But - I just took on a car loan so I can't quit now until I pay for it. I am going to save my holidays for a week there are no dramas and do the things I like best.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Dear Friends and Family,
Sara has had a show and is at Windsor Hospital with contractions at 6.5 minutes apart... resting, watching TV and not laughing at any of her mother's extremely funny jokes. So baby should be with us soon enough. I am taking a few days off work to celebrate... (or because good excuses are hard to find and I put in for these days when we first found out about her pregnancy ages ago).
I rang Dad - he had completely forgotten Sara was pregnant. I told him about the wonderful pictures of Uncle Bill and Jane and the Priddles at the departure of the Coral Princess - and he told me to print them all out and bring them when we get there in December.
Peter - he told me that you guys return from Sparky's (the dog) showing in Sydney. Please let us know how he went.
Jokes about how old I am - you can allfuck off stuff off with. I am a young, fun Grandmother.
I think they are going to call the baby Thomas Raymond (yes the hideous complications with THAT... maybe they are just joking on that too. Bad taste funny jokes seem to be absolutely rampant within my girls at the moment.)
I have a bottle of bubbles on standby as I wait impatiently unable to concentrate on much. I really should make my self concentrate on the pictures I promised for the baby's room.
Any of the Stevens' family reading this... don't forget to tell me EVERYTHING.
Jay is being babysat by Sara's step father-in-law. I hope he gets a few days off too.
Love Nanny Mel.
P.S. Jill - tell your daughter to hurry up. We could fit in lunch and some baby shopping if she would just be a little thoughtful and do it at the same time!
Sara has had a show and is at Windsor Hospital with contractions at 6.5 minutes apart... resting, watching TV and not laughing at any of her mother's extremely funny jokes. So baby should be with us soon enough. I am taking a few days off work to celebrate... (or because good excuses are hard to find and I put in for these days when we first found out about her pregnancy ages ago).
I rang Dad - he had completely forgotten Sara was pregnant. I told him about the wonderful pictures of Uncle Bill and Jane and the Priddles at the departure of the Coral Princess - and he told me to print them all out and bring them when we get there in December.
Peter - he told me that you guys return from Sparky's (the dog) showing in Sydney. Please let us know how he went.
Jokes about how old I am - you can all
I think they are going to call the baby Thomas Raymond (yes the hideous complications with THAT... maybe they are just joking on that too. Bad taste funny jokes seem to be absolutely rampant within my girls at the moment.)
I have a bottle of bubbles on standby as I wait impatiently unable to concentrate on much. I really should make my self concentrate on the pictures I promised for the baby's room.
Any of the Stevens' family reading this... don't forget to tell me EVERYTHING.
Jay is being babysat by Sara's step father-in-law. I hope he gets a few days off too.
Love Nanny Mel.
P.S. Jill - tell your daughter to hurry up. We could fit in lunch and some baby shopping if she would just be a little thoughtful and do it at the same time!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Long time - no post
I have no real excuses. Nothing all that interesting happened that I felt the need to write about it. Heaps of things happened. I wasn't all that productive on the home front - I still have projects unfinished and lists all over the place. I haven't been fishing or boating as much as I would of liked. I just went to work, came home, smelt the roses whilst watering the garden and admired the mad lorikeets, galahs, crested pigeons and finches that expect me to feed them.
My son and partner have had fishing adventures. Mostly on weekends I just do housework, fiddle with assignments and prepare food for friends and family. Drink wine and enjoy their company.
William is sorting freshly caught prawns in this photo - the medium size ones we ate and the smaller ones they used for bait. The normal adventures with mudcrabs that escaped in the boat and had to be caught.
Heaps of adventures with my daughters - especially the teenagers. Right now - Jane IS living in a tent at a caravan park charging her ipod and phone in the communal bathroom. She came home last week claiming her father was impossible but she was willing to live under our rules because she understood she had no choice until she was comfortable financially. That lasted two nights - on the second when I said "No" to her sleeping at her friends house that had that day been to court and is facing juvenile detention ... everything flew out the window. Well - no - actually this time nothing was thrown.. barely even words if you don't count... "Fuck you all I will live in my tent." I was a bit amazed because I didn't think Jane could actually assemble a tent - but hey wonders never cease! Hopefully this wont last too long. I will go there on Saturday morning and see if I can find the right words JUST once for this girl. I stupidly got her a babysitting job that allowed her to have the money to catch the train back to Rockhampton. I will feel a bit stupid when that parent asks me for Jane to babysit again and have to explain Jane is no longer available... sitting in her tent at some caravan park so she can work at her beloved MacDonald's. She has lost heaps of weight and seems a little over confident - but she is still taciturn and it makes her suffer more than she should. I KNOW she is suffering with no money at the park but until she rings I will not do anything.
Gawd - enough of that - its making me dizzy.
Anna owes more money than many 30 year olds, however her most important concern is the Year 12 formal and whether or not I chose a nice photograph for her schoolies passport. I fixed her computer and had it here for three weeks with her brother and his mates happily using it and when I delivered it to her... within one week it had a virus that had her crying on the phone. That is pretty incredible when you consider she isn't on line at her fathers.The teenage girls plug their stuff into Anna's pc... oh who knows. Anyway that is another job for Saturday. The irony lay in that her father DID get her the Internet... and the PC is not working. Oh - and because Anna is the opposite of taciturn (word web says voluble... and I have never heard that word said!) SOMEHOW when I am talking to this little lady who keeps borrowing money she cannot repay I am somehow considering buying the accessories for her formal ..... ARGHHHHHH.
Sara (my oldest daughter) is now heavily pregnant and due in the next two weeks. Finally - someone told me the sex of the baby (apparently I can't keep a secret so I wasn't to be told) and......... I bloody told Anna - and when Sara rang her.... Anna said "Oh and Mum said the baby is a boy." Brilliant ... just brilliant.
My girls and me. Good grief. I am guessing you can see why I haven't posted.
BUT - Sara stuffed up too. She rang Jane (Jane..at her tent in the caravan park after recharging her mobile phone in the communal bathroom) - and Jane said "Don't worry Sara - I will give you the $150 for the Kylie Minogue tickets for our girls trip in December" and Sara said "Oh - don't give it to me Mum paid for them all on my birthday". Brilliant Sara. I will NEVER GET EITHER DAUGHTER TO PAY FOR THEM NOW.....
And then all of that idea seems to be stuffed up too... because I didn't book time off at work and three people have already beaten me to the dates of the concert. Actually I haven't even booked our airfares for that trip yet. I think if Sara is not too mad at me for not going to see her and the baby.... that I should just gift it to her and she should do with it as she pleases. I would love to see my family at Cootamundra. But the amazing thing about them is that they will understand .... I am a little furious with my mother when I told her about my daughters antics.. she was so... oh all my Bowral friends children are so successful and perfect. And sadly my reaction was.... well my daughters happen to be pretty... so fuck your successful, perfect and sensible kids..... ARGHHHHHHHHHHH
Ohhhh... and I was demented over that afternoons conversation. I remembered every single thing I felt my mother didn't do for me. And I cried when I realised that's how Jane feels... Jane thinks we just sent her away to boarding school and that the others were preferred. I never even had the chance to do ANYTHING for Sara... her family had all the keys there. I don't feel comfortable intruding there. I didn't want to be the intruder. But I am.
And just when work was looking and acting perfect.... it has became horrendous. And I don't think it would be prudent for me to post about my misery with that here. Suffice to say - this world can be a pretty cruel place. It is unlikely I will quit. I have no debts - so I can if I want. My girls have few expectations of me. I know two of them love me and I love my times with them. My son wont mind one bit if I say we are off to live on a houseboat. MOTH (Christian my partner) seems to just tolerate anything I do. I adore the kids I work with. There are about 18 staff at my work. Two I find intolerable, unprofessional, mean and occasionally stupid. I don't know what to do. I will just do my best at remaining tolerable, professional, kind and using my brains. Parenthood isnt easy.
Lots of things in life are wonderful. But lots .. just are not. But I am fine. I may have to find committees and stuff to join again soon. Oh well.
My son and partner have had fishing adventures. Mostly on weekends I just do housework, fiddle with assignments and prepare food for friends and family. Drink wine and enjoy their company.
William is sorting freshly caught prawns in this photo - the medium size ones we ate and the smaller ones they used for bait. The normal adventures with mudcrabs that escaped in the boat and had to be caught.
Heaps of adventures with my daughters - especially the teenagers. Right now - Jane IS living in a tent at a caravan park charging her ipod and phone in the communal bathroom. She came home last week claiming her father was impossible but she was willing to live under our rules because she understood she had no choice until she was comfortable financially. That lasted two nights - on the second when I said "No" to her sleeping at her friends house that had that day been to court and is facing juvenile detention ... everything flew out the window. Well - no - actually this time nothing was thrown.. barely even words if you don't count... "Fuck you all I will live in my tent." I was a bit amazed because I didn't think Jane could actually assemble a tent - but hey wonders never cease! Hopefully this wont last too long. I will go there on Saturday morning and see if I can find the right words JUST once for this girl. I stupidly got her a babysitting job that allowed her to have the money to catch the train back to Rockhampton. I will feel a bit stupid when that parent asks me for Jane to babysit again and have to explain Jane is no longer available... sitting in her tent at some caravan park so she can work at her beloved MacDonald's. She has lost heaps of weight and seems a little over confident - but she is still taciturn and it makes her suffer more than she should. I KNOW she is suffering with no money at the park but until she rings I will not do anything.
Gawd - enough of that - its making me dizzy.
Anna owes more money than many 30 year olds, however her most important concern is the Year 12 formal and whether or not I chose a nice photograph for her schoolies passport. I fixed her computer and had it here for three weeks with her brother and his mates happily using it and when I delivered it to her... within one week it had a virus that had her crying on the phone. That is pretty incredible when you consider she isn't on line at her fathers.The teenage girls plug their stuff into Anna's pc... oh who knows. Anyway that is another job for Saturday. The irony lay in that her father DID get her the Internet... and the PC is not working. Oh - and because Anna is the opposite of taciturn (word web says voluble... and I have never heard that word said!) SOMEHOW when I am talking to this little lady who keeps borrowing money she cannot repay I am somehow considering buying the accessories for her formal ..... ARGHHHHHH.
Sara (my oldest daughter) is now heavily pregnant and due in the next two weeks. Finally - someone told me the sex of the baby (apparently I can't keep a secret so I wasn't to be told) and......... I bloody told Anna - and when Sara rang her.... Anna said "Oh and Mum said the baby is a boy." Brilliant ... just brilliant.
My girls and me. Good grief. I am guessing you can see why I haven't posted.
BUT - Sara stuffed up too. She rang Jane (Jane..at her tent in the caravan park after recharging her mobile phone in the communal bathroom) - and Jane said "Don't worry Sara - I will give you the $150 for the Kylie Minogue tickets for our girls trip in December" and Sara said "Oh - don't give it to me Mum paid for them all on my birthday". Brilliant Sara. I will NEVER GET EITHER DAUGHTER TO PAY FOR THEM NOW.....
And then all of that idea seems to be stuffed up too... because I didn't book time off at work and three people have already beaten me to the dates of the concert. Actually I haven't even booked our airfares for that trip yet. I think if Sara is not too mad at me for not going to see her and the baby.... that I should just gift it to her and she should do with it as she pleases. I would love to see my family at Cootamundra. But the amazing thing about them is that they will understand .... I am a little furious with my mother when I told her about my daughters antics.. she was so... oh all my Bowral friends children are so successful and perfect. And sadly my reaction was.... well my daughters happen to be pretty... so fuck your successful, perfect and sensible kids..... ARGHHHHHHHHHHH
Ohhhh... and I was demented over that afternoons conversation. I remembered every single thing I felt my mother didn't do for me. And I cried when I realised that's how Jane feels... Jane thinks we just sent her away to boarding school and that the others were preferred. I never even had the chance to do ANYTHING for Sara... her family had all the keys there. I don't feel comfortable intruding there. I didn't want to be the intruder. But I am.
And just when work was looking and acting perfect.... it has became horrendous. And I don't think it would be prudent for me to post about my misery with that here. Suffice to say - this world can be a pretty cruel place. It is unlikely I will quit. I have no debts - so I can if I want. My girls have few expectations of me. I know two of them love me and I love my times with them. My son wont mind one bit if I say we are off to live on a houseboat. MOTH (Christian my partner) seems to just tolerate anything I do. I adore the kids I work with. There are about 18 staff at my work. Two I find intolerable, unprofessional, mean and occasionally stupid. I don't know what to do. I will just do my best at remaining tolerable, professional, kind and using my brains. Parenthood isnt easy.
Lots of things in life are wonderful. But lots .. just are not. But I am fine. I may have to find committees and stuff to join again soon. Oh well.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
I have a kayak
MOTH bought me a kayak on Friday.
I have wanted one for sometime - but generally he would dismiss it as yet another of my not so sensible desires. For example - I have always wanted a hideously expensive lamp. With four kids who always broke everything, always owning errant dogs and now grandchildren to continue the carnage... I still want this lamp. I am the one who throws the ball to the dogs inside. I am accused of being the one who decides to dance with my daughters at midnight to songs from You Tube.
I SUSPECT he bought it for me to prove I wont use it.
MOTH arrived home much earlier than expected and he was keen to take it out. He had first go around Callemondah dam and I declined to have a go.
But this morning he assured me it was not as windy as yesterday afternoon and I did have a go... both at the Callemondah dam and in the Auckland Creek. The water was no colder than I remember it in the warmer months - only the wind made me feel cold where I splashed myself. I get a wet bottom because I am very unco-ordinated in the getting in and out of the kayak.
Next weekend I will attempt to row my little boat from Callemondah to the Yacht club. MOTH didn't know I had the camera.. so only pictures of him playing in it were taken.
I have wanted one for sometime - but generally he would dismiss it as yet another of my not so sensible desires. For example - I have always wanted a hideously expensive lamp. With four kids who always broke everything, always owning errant dogs and now grandchildren to continue the carnage... I still want this lamp. I am the one who throws the ball to the dogs inside. I am accused of being the one who decides to dance with my daughters at midnight to songs from You Tube.
I SUSPECT he bought it for me to prove I wont use it.
When Cheree arrived we both stared over it with our cups of tea. We considered driving her car to Barney Point Beach and getting a bucket of sand to tip over the kayak to explain to MOTH that we did try it and would try it again once the warmer weather came back. But I have that dent in the car that isn't fixed and I figured the salt water wouldn't be so good. Or we were too lazy to even try that.
All we could think of was the water would be bloody cold.
MOTH arrived home much earlier than expected and he was keen to take it out. He had first go around Callemondah dam and I declined to have a go.
But this morning he assured me it was not as windy as yesterday afternoon and I did have a go... both at the Callemondah dam and in the Auckland Creek. The water was no colder than I remember it in the warmer months - only the wind made me feel cold where I splashed myself. I get a wet bottom because I am very unco-ordinated in the getting in and out of the kayak.
Next weekend I will attempt to row my little boat from Callemondah to the Yacht club. MOTH didn't know I had the camera.. so only pictures of him playing in it were taken.
But I do love my little kayak.
Monday, August 04, 2008
The volkswagon crash
I was away with Anna and William at the end of June beginning of July. When I returned my beloved brother told me of a terrible incident wherein my father and step mother had a car accident. My father is fond of old cars. Well old machines really. Maybe because we cant afford new? Who knows? But he lovingly restored his VW. And he loved it. 
They were on their way to a VW rally in Wagga when a large dual cab 4x4 lost control overtaking on a crest and rolled in front of them. Dad took evasive action and... well.... the pictures tell the story...
It could of been much worse. I shudder to think how much worse. My step mother had her arm broken and a plate in it and spent her very first night in hospital. She would of hated it. Joan likes her home and her pretty smells and things. I hate thinking of her having to go to a hospital.
The VW wont be able to be fixed. I can see the misery in my fathers face. My nephew to me just looks like my beautiful little brother.
It was just magnificent though that Dad and Joan didn't get seriously hurt. Horrific that it can take just a second to... destroy something someone worked so hard to preserve.
They were on their way to a VW rally in Wagga when a large dual cab 4x4 lost control overtaking on a crest and rolled in front of them. Dad took evasive action and... well.... the pictures tell the story...
It could of been much worse. I shudder to think how much worse. My step mother had her arm broken and a plate in it and spent her very first night in hospital. She would of hated it. Joan likes her home and her pretty smells and things. I hate thinking of her having to go to a hospital.
The VW wont be able to be fixed. I can see the misery in my fathers face. My nephew to me just looks like my beautiful little brother.
It was just magnificent though that Dad and Joan didn't get seriously hurt. Horrific that it can take just a second to... destroy something someone worked so hard to preserve.I can see in some of those photos.. that on the left the t-model ford has been removed from the shed so the VW can go in. That is saying something. My father spent the last 40 years preserving that car... and he moves it to put this broken car in. The car of his youth... that he drove across the Nullabor with his best mate from college. (Not the exact one...)
I was shaken. I am not ready to lose these people. I dont ring or write or visit as much as I should. I just like to know they are there.
They are fine... thank dog.
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Climbing Mount Larcom
This morning MOTH, my son William, my workmate and friends Cheree and Tonya and Tonya's son Christian set off to climb Mount Larcom. The photo below is taken from about 3/4 of the way up the walk.
Mount Larcom is only 632 m above sea level but the highest peak in our area. The walk is meant to be EASY... and takes five hours. It took us just over an hour and a half up - we spent an hour at the top and probably just over an hour down. Or else I am delusional because I am so bloody tired.
I have attempted this before and failed. I just quit last time. I was grateful to have Cheree and Tonya this time. Because there was no bloody way I was quiting if they didn't.
Our dog Rocky and me at the top. He probably is part dingo. I don't know. He and our other dog Dotti sleep in our beds, hog our sofas and molest all visitors. We like them. Many others do not like them. Dotti can rarely come on outings because she is deaf.
That is V for victory. And proof I crawled up the damn top.
Viewing where our cars where.
My son William didn't seem as pooped as I was. I still smoked anyway.
Cheree is not doing V for victory she is giving me rabbit ears.
All around us gorgeous views. Exhilarating.
Magnificent.
The narrows where we boat and fish and crab.
At work we have a "Biggest Loser" competition wherein whoever loses the most weight wins the weigh in money from the contestants on Fridays weigh in. I like to be competitive. So I made these for us for our return. None of us ate them. I hate their will power.
Mount Larcom is only 632 m above sea level but the highest peak in our area. The walk is meant to be EASY... and takes five hours. It took us just over an hour and a half up - we spent an hour at the top and probably just over an hour down. Or else I am delusional because I am so bloody tired.
I have attempted this before and failed. I just quit last time. I was grateful to have Cheree and Tonya this time. Because there was no bloody way I was quiting if they didn't.Our dog Rocky and me at the top. He probably is part dingo. I don't know. He and our other dog Dotti sleep in our beds, hog our sofas and molest all visitors. We like them. Many others do not like them. Dotti can rarely come on outings because she is deaf.
That is V for victory. And proof I crawled up the damn top.
Viewing where our cars where.
My son William didn't seem as pooped as I was. I still smoked anyway.
Cheree is not doing V for victory she is giving me rabbit ears.
All around us gorgeous views. Exhilarating.
Magnificent.
The narrows where we boat and fish and crab.
At work we have a "Biggest Loser" competition wherein whoever loses the most weight wins the weigh in money from the contestants on Fridays weigh in. I like to be competitive. So I made these for us for our return. None of us ate them. I hate their will power.
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Quick fill in
Oh! I haven't still been partying!
MOTH has been sick - and naturally because he is male his sickness is far worse than any other sick person has ever suffered. He had a week off work and hogged the sofa and the television (I think I will scream if I have to endure another episode of Deadliest Catch.) He is cranky and not like the MOTH I normally share my life with. My patience is thin, but thankfully I think he is on the mend.
My closest friend was devastated by the actions of her teenage daughter. Common theme, no one to blame - simply teenage girls can be so selfish. I spend 7.5 hours a day with this friend and vicarious traumatisation is very wearying. And pretty fair to say I have already done my share of teenage daughters who break hearts. My own daughters and hers - beautiful, smart, funny and with basically good hearts who want to grow up too soon. And absolutely understanding the desire to be a grown up because we already did the teenage years.
At work there are lovely women who make me proud to be part of their team and happy to be with. There are also a couple that simply make life miserable when life shouldn't be.
I have a couple of challenging children at the moment. One I haven't warmed to and that makes me feel bad. I haven't had a challenging child before that I didn't end up loving like crazy. This child just manages to make me angry and it disturbs me that I have no nice feelings for this child. The other challenging child just captured my heart and makes me roar laughing and she is naughty (we aren't allowed to ever use words like naughty) but she is just such a funny little whirlwind...and it bugs me that the little whirlwind makes me happy and laugh and the other child that has behaviour problems simply makes me angry. A conflict within me. I can fight with the whirlwind all day and not feel any awful emotion. The other child just makes me feel awful emotions. I cannot cuddle her. I cannot sympathise with her. It is a really odd feeling. And I do feel like a monster to not be able to love that child like I love the others. The whirlwind honestly is just as naughty as that child. Maybe naughtier. I certainly feel bad that I cant seem to warm to this child.
All my other kids at work are complete angels. Funny, smart and best of all they like my singing. Brilliant caring parents. I bribe my two year olds with toileting... jelly beans for wees or poos. I do it out of my laziness. I have 12 children I have to change 4 times a day. It is hard work - so I get them to use the toilets as soon as I can. Bribes work. Some kids are smart enough to make one wee worth five jellybeans but I am willing to pay that. I know they haven't finished the toileting. It isd easier for me to watch them on the toilet than it is to take them to the change table. I can do other things standing at the door of the bathroom. I have been so lucky with these kids. They are all (well excluding my battle with the one) just amazing and wonderful.
My father and stepmother had a terrible accident... and the 1955 Volkswagen my father had lovingly restored is a right off. It gave me a bit of a fright too. I like knowing they are there. I don't ever want them not to be there.
I am climbing Mt Larcom tomorrow with some friends from work. I have failed this walk before. I got cranky and gave up and sat by myself. I am not failing tomorrow.
MOTH has been sick - and naturally because he is male his sickness is far worse than any other sick person has ever suffered. He had a week off work and hogged the sofa and the television (I think I will scream if I have to endure another episode of Deadliest Catch.) He is cranky and not like the MOTH I normally share my life with. My patience is thin, but thankfully I think he is on the mend.
My closest friend was devastated by the actions of her teenage daughter. Common theme, no one to blame - simply teenage girls can be so selfish. I spend 7.5 hours a day with this friend and vicarious traumatisation is very wearying. And pretty fair to say I have already done my share of teenage daughters who break hearts. My own daughters and hers - beautiful, smart, funny and with basically good hearts who want to grow up too soon. And absolutely understanding the desire to be a grown up because we already did the teenage years.
At work there are lovely women who make me proud to be part of their team and happy to be with. There are also a couple that simply make life miserable when life shouldn't be.
I have a couple of challenging children at the moment. One I haven't warmed to and that makes me feel bad. I haven't had a challenging child before that I didn't end up loving like crazy. This child just manages to make me angry and it disturbs me that I have no nice feelings for this child. The other challenging child just captured my heart and makes me roar laughing and she is naughty (we aren't allowed to ever use words like naughty) but she is just such a funny little whirlwind...and it bugs me that the little whirlwind makes me happy and laugh and the other child that has behaviour problems simply makes me angry. A conflict within me. I can fight with the whirlwind all day and not feel any awful emotion. The other child just makes me feel awful emotions. I cannot cuddle her. I cannot sympathise with her. It is a really odd feeling. And I do feel like a monster to not be able to love that child like I love the others. The whirlwind honestly is just as naughty as that child. Maybe naughtier. I certainly feel bad that I cant seem to warm to this child.
All my other kids at work are complete angels. Funny, smart and best of all they like my singing. Brilliant caring parents. I bribe my two year olds with toileting... jelly beans for wees or poos. I do it out of my laziness. I have 12 children I have to change 4 times a day. It is hard work - so I get them to use the toilets as soon as I can. Bribes work. Some kids are smart enough to make one wee worth five jellybeans but I am willing to pay that. I know they haven't finished the toileting. It isd easier for me to watch them on the toilet than it is to take them to the change table. I can do other things standing at the door of the bathroom. I have been so lucky with these kids. They are all (well excluding my battle with the one) just amazing and wonderful.
My father and stepmother had a terrible accident... and the 1955 Volkswagen my father had lovingly restored is a right off. It gave me a bit of a fright too. I like knowing they are there. I don't ever want them not to be there.
I am climbing Mt Larcom tomorrow with some friends from work. I have failed this walk before. I got cranky and gave up and sat by myself. I am not failing tomorrow.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
My 40th birthday party
Forty friends and /or colleagues (including 14 children) attended the 40th birthday party that wasn't meant to occur last night. I invited everyone from work because of cause it is rude to not invite someone.. but thankfully only the lovelies came. I wasn't going to have a party - it was one of those things thrust upon me that I didn't back out of ... and hosted at a girlfriends house because APPARENTLY some of my friends don't approve of my dogs and their... manners (which are impeccable). But my friends home is definitely more party friendly than mine.... and the gesture breathtaking that people will do these things for me.
My friend (and boss actually) said NO CHILDREN OTHER THAN YOURS AND MINE... and I had to beg for some children to be allowed to attend. For as long as I have lived here - those children and our celebrations have been together and the thought of having a celebration without them wasn't very appealing to me.
Photographs can be so bloody awful - Kelly's face is actually gorgeous - that is just one of those moments.My daughter Anna trying to get the cake on the plate... with Madison (her long time friend and someone I just know to expect to be around) and me....
I think I am probably opening a present or simply enamoured with whatever I am drinking with this photo. I gave the camera to Mitchell aged 12 and asked him to take photos. We had heaps of ceilings and single balloons.
My youngest daughter Jane is handing me presents to open and Madison in the background... my partner (aka MOTH - Christian with his back to us) our friends Keiran and Christian in the background.
Hope and me and the .... cold brutality of photographs when one is drinking ....
These ladies are my workmates. Jill in the purple is always good fun and amusing. MOTH bought me a pinata...a lime green dragon that we filled with lollies for the children. Hmm... the children who are all growing so big now. It was lovely looking at the children that came... from toddlers to smart children, from children to teenagers...However - we all know pinatas should be approached from smallest child to biggest - two strikes each etc...... Jill watched one child swing and decided she wanted a go - completely misunderstood the two strikes per person rule and just flogged the poor little thing till it exploded. The children didn't mind - they just wanted the lollies. Mitchell came and found me shortly after to offer me the half of his loot find... how beautiful?
I guess I posted this picture to show food or something? See the cake? Simona made that for me. I play trivia with her on Wednesday evenings and she offered to make me the cake. It was beautiful. Strawberries in every layer.
The kids amused themselves while the adults made merry. They fought with the balloons and played on Playstation 2 singstar.
I think that game is called throwing the Morgan or something. No kid came to an adult crying so all was good.Shortly after the next photograph the adults pushed the kids off the singstar and proceeded to make idiots of themselves... with much joviality and some utter rudeness. It was wonderful. I took a nap.
My new friend Andrea (on the right) and my long time friend Hope got on like they had known each other for ever. I have only known Andrea properly a short time (she is the friend who bought me cake and a gift and card after that awful incident at work when I had to take the blame for the small child that was scratched and bitten)Behind the girls is the banners and streamers Joy bought me while I was at the Gold Coast last weekend. She rang me yesterday and I had to use her voice for a little while to help me calm down. It worked.. it always does.
I fret about stuff like... will everyone be happy. Will everyone be fed? 
In the cold light of day... I didn't run out of food or booze. The night was wonderful. I have good friends and I love life.. I am very lucky.
I fret about stuff like... will everyone be happy. Will everyone be fed? I will add a small childhood story from my life.
It was my birthday and I would of been only 11 Iuess. My parents divorced in 1977 and I was quite saddened by this occurrence. We had moved house, and my mother had a boyfriend and we shared the house with a lady who was ok... usually. I asked my mother if I could have a party and she said yes... and stupid me invited my friends. My Mama was most likely suffering from depression but I was a stupid kid who didn't think about anything other than how wonderful it would be to have a party. When my friends arrived... Mama had made a cake but didn't ice it and all we had to drink was cordial. That was it. Nothing else. I used bravado to act like it was all fine. I remember my heart pacing and my fear and horror. And kids are nasty.
The next day at school... one person led the way but two followed to ask for the return of their gifts. I felt utterly humiliated. I gave them back the gifts. I don't think my mother ever even noticed. I told myself it was my fault for being so greedy to think I could have a proper party. I then ruined my brothers birthday party.... insisting on pass the parcels with old crap we had owned and games...because I so wanted his to be nice.....
I was bossy and horrible and told all his friends they were not getting their presents back.
I was bossy and horrible and told all his friends they were not getting their presents back.
In the cold light of day... I didn't run out of food or booze. The night was wonderful. I have good friends and I love life.. I am very lucky.
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