Trouble found me again.

Pouring rain this week. Mostly steaming hot - sometimes cool enough for me to search for my cardigans. Once again I have packed them somewhere so safe - I cant find them.



Ok - this story starts a few days ago. And let's face it I always say stuff that gets me in trouble.



A staff member came down to our side of the building to have a cigarette explaining that she couldn't go out the front because a large brown stray dog was at the front door. I immediately went to the front of the building because that description fits my dog. I should of used my brains - Rocky wont really leave the house if it is raining. Silly me.



I get to the door and a young employee says to me "Oh - good Melissa kick the dog and make it go away - I am scared of dogs." I haven't seen the dog yet - and I am riled instantly because I suspect it could be mine. But .. also I would am riled because who the fuck would advocate kicking ANY dog.... I see it isn't my dog... I call to the employee to get a pen and paper so I can write down the rego number .. she does and I pat the dog... and go back inside and ring council and then the owner (only got the answering machine) and go back to looking after my amazing children.



The employees words have.. settled in my head and they bother me. Asking me to kick a stray dog sheltering from the rain. I have always liked dogs more than people.



And I like this young employee. As a matter of fact I have gone out of my way to shelter her from other colleagues and make her learning period easier. I have tried to make things easy for her on many occasion which involved my own sacrifice of coworkers that I know can do the job. I swapped my proficient and reliable relief staff with her so that I could let her learn within an easier work environment. (My room doesn't have any children that have behavioural challenges at the moment - pure chance 3/4 of the kids in the room she could of been left with have been in my room before)

She is a young girl - very naive. Sometimes her stories amuse me. Always I have tried to help her and protect her. I guess she reminds me of my girls. She is pretty, compassionate, seeking a wonderful life and I think she has seen sadness but her ability to care about her family.. has always enthralled me. She is both confident and nervous in her new adult hood.

I bit my lip when she said kick the dog. I said nothing - and fumed alone. But the day after - I said "My opinion of you has lessened since you told me to kick that poor stray dog"....and I didn't allow the discussion to go further - she did try to tell me she was afraid of dogs because a dog attacked her when she was little etc.. and I just... barked at her to pay attention to the children.

Anyway - there was .. further trouble at work not related to anything I do and somehow during this trouble the young girl told the boss that I had said this - and that she felt workmates where awful to her. My... very direct and very real comment to her would of certainly made it feel worse. So the boss tracked me down.

Instead of discussing this privately the boss decided to discuss it whilst my children were sleeping and whilst three other staff members were in earshot.

I certainly received a dressing down and I absolutely deplore being personally confronted... but to me the arguments all got a bit mad...

It was definitely the bit about "my opinion of you has lessened" that made my boss angry with me. Apparently in the workplace this is not tolerated.

But it is simple to me. My ability to like her has simply... lessened.

My boss used the argument that as I am an animal lover I have no right to inflict my beliefs on others..... I felt that actually it is against the law in Australia to treat animals cruelly that this argument fell shallow.

I also felt I have a right to my beliefs - and one of my very strong beliefs is that to kick a stray dog is wrong.

My boss used the argument that the young girl said this in jest - she was joking and not being literal. I felt that didn't sit well with me because she had to tell both me and the boss about the awful childhood dog attack incident.

My boss then tried to use the example of what i would do or say if someone joked about kicking a child or running over/harming a cat.

This argument is going mad and my mind is now racing from... keep defending yourself to...... do you really want this job.. you don't Need it... You aren't here for the money...

But I am watching one of my children sit up and not cry and start playing with the little girl on the bed next to her... and that is amazing because that little girl has been so very unhappy with her separation anxiety.....

I am absolutely losing the plot because I wouldn't tolerate a joke about kicking a child either and in fact - I have often avoided people who make nasty comments about harming animals. I know funny - I LOVE funny. I don't find harming an animal or joking about kicking a kid funny. I would think less of the person.

And I still think I have the right to think less of a person for a careless comment.

So the boss brings it back to me.. and I know shes implying the work party at Great Keppel Island wherein I did absolutely get drunk, be obnoxious and opinionated and fall asleep first in the wrong damn room and generally make a drunk ass of myself. She says.. what if I said to you "my opinion of you has lessened" because of SOMETHING you did on a private function type matter.... and I think.. well... if I liked you and valued your opinion of me.. I would try to find a way to fix your opinion of me. I would not try to outdrink my other funny workmate at the next social club gathering. I would stay sober and be bored .....

If I didn't particularly value your friendship/whatever I would really not give it too much thought at all. I already have too many friends. I never get anything done. Plenty of people dont like me. Their loss - not mine.

My boss decided to call in the opinion of a coworker during the arguement and she said to her "If someone said go kick a dog outside in joking would you think less of that person" and the coworker is firstly being put on the spot and secondly... shouldnt of been privvy to my counselling session... Coworker replied No. Boss asked her a second question that escapes me now.. and coworker also replied no. Which vindicated the boss's attack on me....

How do I feel? I now simply have a lesser opinion of the boss and the coworker. I never really had an opinion of the boss...

Anyway in order to simply dismiss the confrontation I decided to admit defeat and that I was terribly wrong and wont do it again.

I am feeling rather guilty for lying that badly. I cant imagine I wont react the same way again. I do know that I found my bosses arguments about the jokes about kicking children and running over cats quite disturbing.

The young girl who felt it necessary to tell the boss how mean and awful I was today worked with me for lunch relief today. And I couldn't find it in myself to apologise to her. I could get in further trouble I guess. I was very polite and acted as I always do within the room - excepting I decided it was best that I didn't add any friendly personal banter/chat. When I noticed she had served one of my kids a can of spaghetti instead of the sandwich the mother had lovingly prepared... and usually I would tell her.. Mum would like to see the sandwich eaten because she has prepared it and the spaghetti would be a ... in case she hasn't eaten the sandwich thing.... I decided any helpful input from me at this stage isn't a good idea.

It was quite horrid getting roused on in front of my colleagues. And amazing how the boss was so pedantic about me having to concede it was all very much my fault and I shouldn't be so mean because she sometimes wanted to be mean but couldn't be....

I really felt quite challenged at the directions of the entire argument.

I adore working with these kids. It is also a mad time because soon the children leave me for the next room and I get a new batch of them. And the kids at my work are just so clever, so beautiful, so willing to learn and so very loving.

Anyway - don't joke about kicking dogs, children or harming cats in front of me.

Oh - and I wont attend any more work social functions. If they can be subtly used against me in future... fuck that. I already know which of my work colleagues I enjoy the company of.