Monday mornings - or tales of the festy toenails & errant dogs

William woke me very early this Monday morning with - "Mum look at my toe - it is leaking stuff!"

Of course I thought it was a bad dream, and rolled over cause we all know to roll over is like changing the channel on a dream.



But this bad dream kept on going.

"William get that THING OFF MY BED! Couldn't you wait until I got up to show me that?"

"You told me I wasn't to wait until you were late for work to tell you important stuff."

I MEANT tell me the day before. Or get an appointment or something. I DEFINATELY didnt mean stick it on my pillow when it is only just daylight.

I sat up and asked him why it was "leaking". Because he and his stepfather had CUT IT WITH A SCALPEL. Well duh. I asked Will why he would do such a thing - and he said.. because Christian says the toenail is going to fall off and that is going to be so COOL.

So - I head for coffee and try to wake up. He follows me and asks me WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT IT. Oh gawdddddddddddddddddd. I dont know. So I soaked it in the foot spa with some bicarb. I was gunna throw in my foot salts.. but then thought again about the word SALT. I said maybe it would soften it up and the toenail would come off sooner.

Sadly - William thinks this is very cool. His mates all come over and peer and poke at it. It makes me gag and I .. was so never meant to be a nurse. I so appreciate nurses.

Anna wakes and comes and yells at me. "William is squeezing his toe and making GROSS STUFF come out of it in the living room." (What - she thinks I don't KNOW THIS ALREADY?)

Anna reminds me "Today is Williams swimming day - they arent going to let him swim with that."

William suggests a bandaid. For heavens sake - he has been manipulating the toenail so much its.. just sort of hanging there and its LEAKING BLOOD AND STUFF. He is SQUEEZING stuff out of it. More dry retching and I threaten him... for making me ill.

Well the dumbasses have cut at the toenail so that now it is all jagged! and a sock or shoe cant go on it. William TRIES TO HAND ME THE SCALPEL! I said maybe we should just go to the doctors. William said his mate REGGIE DIDNT GO TO THE DOCTORS WHEN HE HAD TWO OF HIS FINGERNAILS FALL OFF. I say - WELL I BET REGGIE DIDNT SLICE AT HIS WITH A SCALPEL.

William shows me his blood and.. oh I don't want to think what... stained sheets and said it was oozing stuff BEFORE THEY CUT AT IT.

OH gawd... he can just have the day off school. Happily William retreats to the sofa with remote control and cartoons to fuzz his brain MORE. I guess to appease me during the day he dragged out the footspa a couple of times and sat soaking.

By this time I have noticed Rocky isn't home again. He was there when I went for coffee.. I heard the back door slam... and now... he is nowhere. Shit shit shit... I dont want another fine. So - top half dressed for work bottom half in boxer shorts I drive round the streets looking for the dog. Hoping I dont have to get out of the car.

When Rocky heard the car he came running over the bridge and jumped into the window... for a drive. A very short drive. Home. To go on the chain. ALL DAY.

Yesterday when Christian and I were working on the crazy path out the back and laying topsoil - arguing with the dogs because they thought the fresh soil was for them to dig nice cool holes in... we discussed buying yet more dog fence wire for the only bit of the yard that isn't absolutely secure...but is still a 6 foot fence just with chicken wire.. that Rocky has previously managed to CLIMB over. We decided.. nah - the efforts we had made SURELY would secure him.

WRONG AGAIN.

My car boot is full of winter dooners that I wash at the laundrymat because my machine just doesn't do them as well. They have been there for a while actually. With a box of powder. Groceries still fit in. Dog wire wont. I will have to do the bloody washing this week. Yes I suspect I put them there for out of sight out of mind. I should of done that this afternoon.

And of course it is Monday and IF Tom is going to put in his ten cents worth about Jane's storm in a teacup it is going to be today. So I turned off my mobile phone and took the house phone off the hook. Archiving is good work at the moment - no one can find me there.

I should of done lots of things this afternoon. But I didn't - I just fiddled with the plants for the garden. Cooked dinner and didnt bother to make dessert.

It is pretty safe to say William has learnt not to put his festy toenail on my pillow in the morning. He tried to tell me this afternoon that it didn't hurt at all and I went off again. THEN WHY THE HELL DIDNT YOU GO TO SCHOOL!

And he said because Anna and I were so disgusted by it..... and because we said he wouldn't be able to do swimming! I THOUGHT it looked painful and must of been KILLING HIM.

Note to self - ASK the kid if he is in pain and needs to stay home. Don't assume.

And - Rocky continues to be miserable with his confinement. Anna PAID William to do the washing up tonight.

There are days that I think we are the perfect contented family and all is good and lovely in the world. Today has not been one of those days.