Just getting.. more horrid

You were thinking I would be writing about how it was all better and insinuating about brilliant make up sex stuff etc…

WRONG. It is just as awful as it was. Moth is still speaking at least 50 decibels louder than he normally does. Things like dishes in the sink, Anna on the telephone during dinner and the dogs knocking the chess board over are making good use of these decibels.

There is a government job that has no real mandatory requirements that he thinks he would like. But in utilizing these extra decibels he has also yelled that it isn’t worth trying. So I said I would work on the selection criteria for him. It would entail a pay cut of tens of thousands of dollars – but hey.. he cant keep going like this. And I know he would be brilliant at it. But I need help – I really don’t know the names of the machinery they operate at work or .. what he does. Yes – a good wife would know. I just have selective hearing. I think all mothers or women use this tool. Listen for what we need to know and .. don’t let the small stuff clutter us or cause an extra worry.

The job though – I would imagine – will attract thousands of applicants just because it doesn’t need any major qualifications.

And when I ask for help from him.. it entails yet another… endurance of mine at how long can I do something for someone else whilst being yelled at.

Anna wants to go and stay at a friend’s house until this is over. I told her to ask if I can go too. Sigh.

Just as I think everything is nice and like I prefer home life to be – out of nowhere a great tirade of how he will die of skin cancer – how I should be working full time and not spoiling these horrid kids and I am just… well… doing nothing really. Just… trying not to bite back and,… wait for it to pass.

Today – I delivered Anna the things she forgot for marine biology to school and picked her up from school at an unusual hour due to the changes in her timetable this week. I prepared a dinner of chicken, tomato and rice pastries and steamed vegetables. Her best friend had an epileptic fit at school and after school we made the enquiries to make sure she was ok. I worked on his selection criteria and did look at a few jobs for myself. Two loads of washing and one load of dishwashing. Socialised with the dogs and took some clothes to St Vinnies. The living room and kitchen floors and I tinkered in the garden. I communicated with three girlfriends and one workmate who emailed me to say she would be happy to referee me – even though I think that is against company policy. Well – I know it is – it is written in the huge ass folder your given as your induction to the company. I broke the pay tv thingo again. I somehow make it stall so it wont tell me what I am watching. I couldn’t remember how to get messages off the phone and that took me 20 minutes to sort out. I fobbed off three telemarketers. I pondered what RACQ coverage we need. I transferred money from my savings into my day to day account. I borrowed some money from Anna to cover today’s transactions. The first thing Moth asked me for when he got home was extra money to cover his fuel costs. Moth will not – and cannot be persuaded to use direct debits or internet banking. Full stop – no argument. So to check his account I have to drive to the bank. And of course I have bugga all fuel because I bloody lost the fuel cap last week. No – I still don’t know how I did that. I think I must of left it ontop of a fuel thingo.

He just took great delight in telling me how when he went and bought milk this morning the checkout operators told him they thought he was my son. Moth is five years younger than me. I needed that like I need friends who keep having “parties” to sell me stuff I don’t want.

Hell – I do hurt. This is just horrid. Sometimes in life.. you just make the best of what you have. I never liked much of it really. I loved the silence today when Moth left to go to work. And I just continued my routine the best I could. But I dreamt all morning of snakes – something that doesn’t normally bother me. I don’t really want to be bitten by a snake but I see plenty of them and I don’t let them bother me. And water and rips and tides. Things just out of my control.

My little happy enough life is just spiraling out of control.