My hiatus

Tonight I had time to read a few of my favourite blogs after a lengthy hiatus of my own. I noticed Big Mama had her own hiatus for her own reasons. I felt for her and her deliberations with teenagers which I know and understand. And Szelsofa had lots of lovely pictures and information - she too has an old bathtub for nature in her garden! I need more time to catch up on so many of the blogs I have always enjoyed. But I noticed the joys and sadnesses of many. The funny observations. It was a thoroughly enjoyable experience.

I have had time - frustration - crazy issues that prevented me from feeling free to play on here.

But - Sara (oldest daughter) bought a house and is busy renovating it before she moves in. Her youngest son turned 1 on Tuesday.

Anna got her license finally last Thursday. I burst into tears at the Transport Department Office. It was her first try - she was so reluctant to attempt it in case she failed. We have barely seen her since.

Jane is still way down south with her uncle apparently attempting her Higher School Certificate. Unfortunately almost everything I read on her Facebook just breaks my heart.

William causes no trouble - and we are waiting for his operation that will be done at the Royal Children's Hospital in Brisbane wherein they will remove three tumours on his arm and attempt to reshape his arm. I cant take holidays until this is all over because I will be needing to use them for his hospital stay and recovery.

Christian and I want to go camping - so long our weekends wasted on me having assignments to do. But this weekend was windy and the water would be choppy - and our chosen destination we need a nice calm weekend.... maybe next weekend.

The birds are all thriving though!

My sofa saga - the search for dog friendly lounge suites

I started looking for new sofa's quite some time ago. I knew that they had to be pretty tough, easy to clean and blend with my taste for old stuff. I like timbers and flowers and I still like colour... and well taste is a personal thing isn't it? It isn't my taste to have the clutter I naturally accumulate but there is nothing that can be done with that. I have not succeeded in teaching my family not to clutter my spaces.

Our rented house is the same size as a postage stamp. I kinda plan on buying one (a house not a postage stamp).. in the near future. Or not. I wait for when the shit is over to make such decisions. I still look. And I kinda save.

Anyway - on the Internet I found a post about dog friendly sofas and a sofa I liked. I will link this later when I find the damn site. I carried the entire article around for the majority of this year - kept losing it and finding it...but tonight it is definitely lost. Or maybe I just liked the dogs and one of them does look like Rocky! So - the sofa starter came from this picture.

And this one too..
Leather that can handle the scratches and wear with it. I also liked sofas like his one...

But it is probably a bit too modern for me. The leaves on the floor of the photo kinda make it feel like home though. You wouldn't believe the things my dogs bring inside for me!

I love classic chesterfields however - the space issue. And I think the reason this photo appeals to me so much is probably just the books. Clever marketing ploy huh? The sofa is beautiful but add a feature wall behind of just books... hook line and sinker for me.

But no I am being sensible. This sofa is going to cost me a lot of money and needs to last me some time. If I buy a house it has to have the existing furniture I have dragged around, found, or Christian has made for me because I will be broke for some time.

I loved this.

Locally I couldn't find the aniline leather I needed - bomber jacket type stuff or the stuff you find on boat shoes for men? Where you scratch it and it just rubs out or looks better for it. I could find comfortable sofas - that were ugly. I could find beautiful sofas - that were uncomfortable.

I found the one below at Rockhampton and I liked it but Christian did not. It was also $7000 just for it alone, so would of come in at the absolute top end of my budget after purchasing a second one.

It was amazingly comfortable and spacious and had an ottoman with it.


But - on our second shopping trip to Brisbane I found this one that met all purposes except that maybe I would of liked the lighter tan better like the original Internet post that first attracted me. But - we are messy. My partner works in the dirt and will sit on the sofa before changing. My dogs think dust bathing is a perfectly acceptable activity before sofa lounging. My son attracts bike chain grease and mud flat dirt.

Christian and William test the sofa in the store in Brisbane below.

So - I paid the deposit and was told by the saleswoman that it would take one to two weeks to be delivered to me 600 kms north. I then got the invoice that told me I would have to wait until the 25th November before it would arrive. I was so upset and rang immediately .. and was told .... just 8 weeks to wait. Ok... I can do that. Eight weeks came and went and I rang - and nope.. the computer said that I was happy to wait till 25 th November. Yep... I cried on the phone. I have no shame. (I can't believe I did that!)

Anyway - last week it finally arrived. It is gorgeous and smells so good, divinely comfortable (just ask the dogs) and yes the scratches do just rub out if you gently rub them after the dogs jump on. But there is an irony to something that was just meant to make me happy made me so frustrated and angry.

Dotti likes to lick it clean which I probably shouldn't tell people. But she really does lay there and lick it with a very pleased look on her face. I LOVE being able to clean up her shedding fur with a damp cloth.

Which Waffle Worthy?

Well I am in the mood to waffle. But unsure where to start! It has been a long break! Life just gets like that.

Ok - I am going to start with the ugly one. My bosses horrible death. Well it would of been quick I guess. Sometimes thinking about stuff is just too hard. But sometimes writing it down makes it easier. So I am going to give that a go here.

Lisa drove a lovely Ford - the flash one not like mine. Same year model - but the nicer ones. I don't know an awful lot about cars nor do I care about them - unless its a Morgan. Yep - that is how my brain waffles. I am not terribly interested in cars - I can appreciate a nice one, and appreciate classic cars but it just isn't something of my concern today. Lisa liked nice cars.

Anyway Lisa went south for a week to attend a funeral of her aunt. The funeral was delayed and they had already taken a week off work and they had to come home. Very shortly after .. her mother, step father and brother and herself were involved in a terrible crash. Their vehicle went to overtake a ute towing a caravan and it sideswiped the ute (or caravan? I am not really sure) and then it powered into an oncoming smallish four wheel drive. The Internet had pictures of it and it was horrific.

So the accident was completely horrible and words just cant describe it.

And I didn't consider her my friend - she was my boss. And mostly I avoided her until I had to move to the top centre - and then she was lovely to me. You see I cause trouble. I argue with lazy workers and I have been dreadful in the past to anyone I think is mean to kids. So - I used to get called up to the boss only for confrontational things. And I hate confrontation. I would be in trouble for being mean to the lunch relief because she left my children alone - or told them they were stinky (the kids are not stinky - the poo is stinky - I get cross at vocabulary like that and I say it.. "Don't tell my kids they are stinky") or when I lost my temper because they allowed too many children in the bathroom and allowed an unsafe work environment.. I would give the other staff member a verbal blast - they would dob and I would get in trouble. So - I always thought she hated me and I avoided her. I upset her staff.

But I was sent up the top centre with her .. and working with that co-worker was lovely and I loved it and... Lisa was just lovely to me. Even when I did get into situations wherein coworkers and I had conflict - she was very understanding about it and it all seemed fine.

Well - when her shocking death occurred and we were told - I put that picture on my facebook. Two of my coworkers objected very much and it was just bad timing. I didn't put that picture on there to be malicious. I put it to explain the shock. Especially as at the same time many people on Facebook that I have loved as a child were adding me as friends and I needed to explain to them why I wasn't so good at answering them.

Actually I feel quite violated because it is my Facebook and I should be able to post what I think or feel on there. And being told to remove it was just offensive. I am completely aware that the pictures of her crash were shocking. I cried at the shock of it.

The majority of our workmates have been so brilliant dealing with this. Some of us cry at the little things - when we think of her beautiful daughter not having her mother at her wedding etc.

Please dont speed. Please be careful.

Ducks are a dabbling

Or my arse is on show.

Kinda similar!

I adore my partner. But he has the ability of my mother to absolutely speak over me. It doesnt matter what I am trying to say they just talk louder and over me. I usually attempt to speak another two times and if they keep speaking over me... I just stop talking - get very sad, they never ever notice and I find a way to go away quietly when I really want to scream.

I got terribly jealous last week when I read a home carer's diary of one of my kids. She takes the kids to feed the ducks and stuff. I don't. I am barely allowed to let them get dirty.

Hurts are Hurts. Little or big.

Ducks' Ditty
All along the backwater,
Through the rushes tall,
Ducks are a-dabbling,
Up tails all!
Ducks' tails,
drakes' tails,
Yellow feet a-quiver,
Yellow bills all out of sight
Busy in the river!
Slushy green undergrowth
Where the roach swim—
Here we keep our larder,
Cool and full and dim.
Everyone for what he likes!
We like to be
Heads down,
tails up,
Dabbling free!
High in the blue aboveSwifts whirl and call—
We are down a-dabbling
Up tails all!

I wish I was allowed to play with the kids like that.

Highs and Lows - Ebbs and weaves

I deleted this one because I worried I could get in trouble for commenting on truths! But it is funny how when you write something down and get it all into perspective - it just FEELS better. An action plan of sorts.

Or probably, in my case - inaction!

We are going to the Gold Coast to stay at a holiday resort in a tiny cabin for three days and attend dear friends engagement party on the Saturday night. We will go to Dreamworld on the Sunday and shop the rest of the time before driving home Monday.

That is my focus for the week. That and making sure my kids at work are happy. They will be.

Right! I better get ready for work!

Redecorating - Povo style

Long time no post a waffle - I know.

Heaps has happened, and no Anna (my second daughter) still doesn't have her driver's license despite numerous threats of throwing her out of home, never giving her another lift etc. She has started a new dreadful habit when I take her out driving on her Learner's plates. She makes sound effects like "Woahhhhhhhhhhhh" when she brakes and "Arghhhhhhhhh" when she turns a corner or merges with traffic. The driving instructor is just going to LOVE that. Worse than when she used to take her hands off the wheel if she thought I was nagging her and say "Look Mum I am a good driver... no hands!"

My Mama gifted me with a patchwork quilt just before Christmas and since then Christian and I have painted our bedroom and started the decorating. The house we live in is about the same size as a postage stamp, so it is nice for me to have a retreat. The frogs on the dressing table were a gift from Sara (oldest daughter) for Mother's Day. There is a story to that.
Yes - I know I have neglected that wardrobe for too long. I will give it some attention at the end of the month when I have some holidays. I haven't applied a coat of shellac to it since I let the chickens live in it when we first moved to Gladstone.
Oh - I could of turned that picture around and cleaned the mirror I guess.
The my retreat idea actually didn't work. When I come home and sit in my little chair... family tend to follow me in there and sit on the bed and computer chair.
We have also built a safe area for our outdoor setting and a few more gardens. Rocky (the dog) kept digging underneath our outdoor table and we were afraid he could topple it and it would kill him. And he also kept embarrassing me when I hosted any meal outside because he would flick dirt all over the guests feet.

Anna always complains that I never finish projects and there is some truth in that. But I have a new waterfall and fishpond and the birds are well cared for!

Ok - somewhat calmer

I feel a little bit silly waffling like that for the past few blogs.
Our dog Rocky has to be desexed. I have to pay for him to be registered as a dangerous dog and he gets a special dangerous dog collar, a muzzle and signs that have to be erected on our fence warning of the dangerous dog.
Shame I am not allowed to put signs on the neighbours fence warning that they are idiots.
Nothings going to change. Rocky will still be ... the dog on my bed at night, my warner of intruders, my greeter at all opening of any doors.... and we can afford this. Actually - I consider him worth every cent... times a million really. I wish he liked baths but other than that... he is everything I like in a dog.
Damn shame he chose to shake the little dog. But I know he would do it again.
I adore my family. I wish they wouldn't fight. I wish some of them wouldn't choose to live so far away. It's not all days by the water having fun and mad meal times. Some of being a family happens to be... arguments and nasty comments and selfishness.. raised voices and tantrums and restless nights on the sofa until the dogs drive me nuts and I have to creep back into my own bed.
The simple fact is.. I love them.
BUT.. get this. My works gone a bit crazy of late. Insecurity that I think is due to outside pressures that myself and my coworkers have no power to control has .... hmmmm dampened spirits?
But our numbers of children have been low - and without children we don't have jobs. That has been picking up daily for us. But our boss has decided to shuffle the workplace arrangements to "REDUCE THE TENSION" (that's what the crazy memo says) there has been a shuffle of assistants to begin in two weeks. And I love working in my room with my group leader... and I adore the age group I have. I will be moving into the Kindy room.. so to 3-4 year olds. Most of these children I had as 22 month olds until 30 month olds and I loved them all. The woman who is the group leader in that room is lovely. So where is the catch? That woman goes on maternity leave soon. I have mucked around and not completed the qualifications I need... and it is most likely I will have to work with someone .......... for want of a better word... yucky.
I work with two year olds.
Sometimes I find their language quite appropriate.
Arghhh and Gah.
Oh - as my little blonde haired two year old often tells me... "BULLSHIT". She said that too me today... and usually I tell her not to use that word and chastise her... all I could do was nod and tell her that I agreed... it was.
Oddly enough.. she then didn't say it again.
The children are going to get a new person to look after them that I find quite cruel. Part of me thinks being with my old kids will be lovely. But I like what I do - who I work with and the wonderful age my kids are.
I really only have a few assignments to finish and attend to some idiot posters that I just hate doing for the course. I decided today I was going to have tomorrow off sick and do the damn things. And when I got home... I realised my partner has tomorrow off due to the rain and my kids will be home. If I stayed home.. I wouldnt get anything done. I would be taxi, cook, companion and mediator. Hand holder and appointment maker, general cleaner and tongue biter....
It is bullshit. I love working where I do and I should of attended to my studies. I just get too damn busy at home .... Rain is forecast for the rest of the week... how ghastly.

Rocky was declared dangerous

The council's letter stated that he had attacked a person.

That of course was bullshit.

The councils spokesperson said that it was just a typo.

The horrid little man said that Rocky's,,, puncturing the little dogs neck was dangerous and not necessary and I became instantly annoyed and thought of all the parents who have attacked me verbally because their kids have bite wounds, skinned knees or bumped foreheads and told me it was my fault.

The fact is... dogs are dogs. They behave like dogs. Children are children. They behave like children.

If you are a dog lover.. dont move to Gladstone. The pound keepers will put your entire dog in with a on heat pure bred bitch. We witnessed the pound keeper then kick our own dog to try get him off her.

Oh I am mad at MOTH for letting Rocky get the little dog. But I cant stay mad at the little dog no matter how often he barks and be's horrid.

Rocky has to be desexed now... and council will give him a dangerous dog collar... a muzzle and some signs for our house to say he is dangerous....and we have to pay large fees to register him.

I am so mad at MOTH. As he and Anna fight I just get more and more demented.

Absolute paling in comparison

The news is constant with the awful stuff happening in Victoria. I remember the fires in my own hometown of Cootamundra and the ones recently when I wasnt there but I still worried....

I guess its just awful selfishness that I still worry about my own ... much lesser problems?

Jane is in Laidley... and I havent spoken to her yet. She rang Anna for the money she lent Anna but I declined to get into that telephone conversation. I hear both sides...

Today William got offered a soccer trip to the UK that would cost me... about 8 k... and I semi lost the plot because I just cant afford it. And that makes me feel bad.

On the weekend MOTH took me too Brisbane to attend to something stupid I did... and made us hurry.... (We had to pick up a computer that somehow I got wrangled with fixing when really I have never claimed to be good at hardware stuff... I barely manage with software stuff... but I wouldnt quit... and I took it to a friend who knows more and then... it had to come back.. and its still fucked)

MOTH drove through his hometown where I lived with him for a while and I didnt cope very well. I was still terrified of the place... and just so glad I escaped.

My dog Rocky was declared dangerous. I will add to that in a minute with a seperate title. My daughter Anna and my partner are fighting in a way that upsets me ... so awfully that I am scared to speak and I wish I could run away.

But I cant... I have work, my family has to live and pay bills and someone has to cook and clean...

The kids at work are lovely and so alive and clever. I love this job. It makes it so sad knowing I cant keep doing it - I cant afford to, and if I could afford to I am growing so tired of this town that I just have to leave soon. If I want things to get better I have to go back to administration. I don't think I can be a legal secretary anymore because now I do answer back. Childcare doesnt pay. Most of the workers are lovely... but oh my goodness worrying about the others is just... horrid.

My tears are selfish. I shouldnt expect to have decent relationships with the two children I barely had any impact on raising. I shouldnt cry over them.

I just dont have $8000 to send William off to the UK for soccer fun. And if I did have it... I think I could take us all for that amount of money. I am the queen of free or cheap. But he just never asks for anything.
And It felt awful telling him.. I just dont have the money. I dont have anything. I pay off a car every week I never get to drive. I dont think anyone would lend me the money to buy another one...I dont get to say what time my windows are drawn.
And the only time I got excited because I thought I had a friend of my own... she only wanted to hang around me for what MOTH can provide. And that stuff... annoys the crap out of me.

I know I am whinging way more than anyone should be allowed to... but I got one more. My apologies for my waffling.