Anna's formal

Ok - late but finally! Anna attended school for 12 years so she could attend school formal and Schoolies week. Exhausting - but it is all over.

There are tons of stories I hope to get to tell. But really - it is simply over. I took the day off work and drove up to be her slave. My youngest daughter Jane was a lovely also slave.

Crabbing The Narrows

Weekends for me are normally just cooking, cleaning, shopping, taxiing and keeping my head above water. I am meant to be doing assignments for work too. I wagged again on Sunday. We drove the boat along The Narrows and searched for mud crabs. The water was beautiful and smooth. My worries flew away and I didn't give a thought to the washing, painting, decorating, cleaning, assignments and attending to my personal relationships outside my home.

I think you can click on the photos to get bigger shots... the yellow thing above the crab is to measure the shell to see if the male crab is legal size. The females simply cannot be taken at any size in our state.

Ahhhh... you wonder why I include a shot of a perfectly normal looking mangrove? Because of what is in it.

Just a little bit closer!

Baby eagle plays dead - perfectly still as you get close. He is almost as big as Mum and Dad who hovered close around us and just watched.

I love days like that.

Tom

At 6.14am Monday 27th October my oldest daughter Sara and her partner Chris welcomed Thomas Raymond into the world. It was Chris's birthday on the 26th so he had to endure the long labour after a day out golfing enjoying a drink. I was thousands of kilometres away and amazed that Sara kept texting me until just after midnight to keep me informed. I had a sleepless night just waiting and worrying. I was ridiculously sober.

I wasted my two days off work and did buggar all really. I considered having the full week off - but after wasting the two days I figured best I get back. No more wasting my days off for my kids.

Here is my grandson Jay with his new brother Tom. Jay looks dreadfully serious doesn't he?
According to Sara Jay is besotted by his brother.
They are Manly fans - but we don't hold football against them of course.
She is probably going to want to kill me for posting pictures of her hours after giving birth on the Internet. It is OK - I have done heaps worse.
Sara has big boobs hey? She has to be pleased about THAT!
The happy (and the gappy?) family.

My colleague and friend welcomed her granddaughter the exact same day - but we were first so therefore - we won. Today she bought her tiny granddaughter - Charlotte Louise into my work to show her off... and I burst into tears. I wont get to see Sara,Tom and Jay until the December Kylie Minogue trip .....

For added bullshit drama Jane chose Monday to cut her wrists again. So - her father has rescued her from the tent and she... well... I don't know. She is safe in a house with people that love her again. People that cannot understand and feel utterly useless.... and I can't describe this properly. It is - for one second we were all happy and celebrating and the next we were all appalled and feeling useless and... well... I really can't describe this properly. I don't really know what happened.. I sent Jane the phone photo of the baby and Tuesday morning my second daughter rings to tell me Jane has been in hospital and has stitches and bandages.... and her father had to go and get her. I have to give my children's father that - in a crisis we work together. Occasionally we snip and snap at each other. But.. he comes through when he is needed. I don't know if Sara knows anything about that - and am a little worried about her reaction to that. Maybe she knows more than me. The kids dad and I always feel we know everything last.

Then - just to top the week off... I have been looking for MONTHS for a suitable new car. MOTH (man of the house aka Christian) tells me it is my car. But he definately has opinions. Our ford falcon has almost 700,000 kms on the odometer. The car is a bloody legend. But now - it has had it. The registration runs out on the 1st December. I find a well priced 2 year old ford falcon that will suit our needs. We need to tow - and we have had good luck with fords. But I didnt wait for MOTH to go and secure the car at the dealership. So he reacted by firstly arriving at the dealership and yelling at me and secondly when I get home and my girlfriend Meg is waiting for nibblies and has wine... another family train wreck occurs in company. Oh... heck it has been a week.

Anyway - we bought the car. I needed him as a co signature on the loan because I only clear $500 a week and I didn't wan't to owe money for more than 3 years. I pick it up tommorrow. But this week has just been... incredible. It probably wasn't a good idea writing about it except to serve once again as my sometimes diary.

Anyway -as I clean up after the train wreck that simply was another week, and hide the blushing and trembling from you that is my embarrassment... It will all be fine really.

Oh - and I hate working without my regular coworker. I hate bullshit workplace politics. But - I just took on a car loan so I can't quit now until I pay for it. I am going to save my holidays for a week there are no dramas and do the things I like best.

Dear Friends and Family,

Sara has had a show and is at Windsor Hospital with contractions at 6.5 minutes apart... resting, watching TV and not laughing at any of her mother's extremely funny jokes. So baby should be with us soon enough. I am taking a few days off work to celebrate... (or because good excuses are hard to find and I put in for these days when we first found out about her pregnancy ages ago).

I rang Dad - he had completely forgotten Sara was pregnant. I told him about the wonderful pictures of Uncle Bill and Jane and the Priddles at the departure of the Coral Princess - and he told me to print them all out and bring them when we get there in December.

Peter - he told me that you guys return from Sparky's (the dog) showing in Sydney. Please let us know how he went.

Jokes about how old I am - you can all fuck off stuff off with. I am a young, fun Grandmother.

I think they are going to call the baby Thomas Raymond (yes the hideous complications with THAT... maybe they are just joking on that too. Bad taste funny jokes seem to be absolutely rampant within my girls at the moment.)

I have a bottle of bubbles on standby as I wait impatiently unable to concentrate on much. I really should make my self concentrate on the pictures I promised for the baby's room.

Any of the Stevens' family reading this... don't forget to tell me EVERYTHING.

Jay is being babysat by Sara's step father-in-law. I hope he gets a few days off too.

Love Nanny Mel.

P.S. Jill - tell your daughter to hurry up. We could fit in lunch and some baby shopping if she would just be a little thoughtful and do it at the same time!

Long time - no post

I have no real excuses. Nothing all that interesting happened that I felt the need to write about it. Heaps of things happened. I wasn't all that productive on the home front - I still have projects unfinished and lists all over the place. I haven't been fishing or boating as much as I would of liked. I just went to work, came home, smelt the roses whilst watering the garden and admired the mad lorikeets, galahs, crested pigeons and finches that expect me to feed them.

My son and partner have had fishing adventures. Mostly on weekends I just do housework, fiddle with assignments and prepare food for friends and family. Drink wine and enjoy their company.



William is sorting freshly caught prawns in this photo - the medium size ones we ate and the smaller ones they used for bait. The normal adventures with mudcrabs that escaped in the boat and had to be caught.

Heaps of adventures with my daughters - especially the teenagers. Right now - Jane IS living in a tent at a caravan park charging her ipod and phone in the communal bathroom. She came home last week claiming her father was impossible but she was willing to live under our rules because she understood she had no choice until she was comfortable financially. That lasted two nights - on the second when I said "No" to her sleeping at her friends house that had that day been to court and is facing juvenile detention ... everything flew out the window. Well - no - actually this time nothing was thrown.. barely even words if you don't count... "Fuck you all I will live in my tent." I was a bit amazed because I didn't think Jane could actually assemble a tent - but hey wonders never cease! Hopefully this wont last too long. I will go there on Saturday morning and see if I can find the right words JUST once for this girl. I stupidly got her a babysitting job that allowed her to have the money to catch the train back to Rockhampton. I will feel a bit stupid when that parent asks me for Jane to babysit again and have to explain Jane is no longer available... sitting in her tent at some caravan park so she can work at her beloved MacDonald's. She has lost heaps of weight and seems a little over confident - but she is still taciturn and it makes her suffer more than she should. I KNOW she is suffering with no money at the park but until she rings I will not do anything.

Gawd - enough of that - its making me dizzy.

Anna owes more money than many 30 year olds, however her most important concern is the Year 12 formal and whether or not I chose a nice photograph for her schoolies passport. I fixed her computer and had it here for three weeks with her brother and his mates happily using it and when I delivered it to her... within one week it had a virus that had her crying on the phone. That is pretty incredible when you consider she isn't on line at her fathers.The teenage girls plug their stuff into Anna's pc... oh who knows. Anyway that is another job for Saturday. The irony lay in that her father DID get her the Internet... and the PC is not working. Oh - and because Anna is the opposite of taciturn (word web says voluble... and I have never heard that word said!) SOMEHOW when I am talking to this little lady who keeps borrowing money she cannot repay I am somehow considering buying the accessories for her formal ..... ARGHHHHHH.

Sara (my oldest daughter) is now heavily pregnant and due in the next two weeks. Finally - someone told me the sex of the baby (apparently I can't keep a secret so I wasn't to be told) and......... I bloody told Anna - and when Sara rang her.... Anna said "Oh and Mum said the baby is a boy." Brilliant ... just brilliant.

My girls and me. Good grief. I am guessing you can see why I haven't posted.

BUT - Sara stuffed up too. She rang Jane (Jane..at her tent in the caravan park after recharging her mobile phone in the communal bathroom) - and Jane said "Don't worry Sara - I will give you the $150 for the Kylie Minogue tickets for our girls trip in December" and Sara said "Oh - don't give it to me Mum paid for them all on my birthday". Brilliant Sara. I will NEVER GET EITHER DAUGHTER TO PAY FOR THEM NOW.....

And then all of that idea seems to be stuffed up too... because I didn't book time off at work and three people have already beaten me to the dates of the concert. Actually I haven't even booked our airfares for that trip yet. I think if Sara is not too mad at me for not going to see her and the baby.... that I should just gift it to her and she should do with it as she pleases. I would love to see my family at Cootamundra. But the amazing thing about them is that they will understand .... I am a little furious with my mother when I told her about my daughters antics.. she was so... oh all my Bowral friends children are so successful and perfect. And sadly my reaction was.... well my daughters happen to be pretty... so fuck your successful, perfect and sensible kids..... ARGHHHHHHHHHHH

Ohhhh... and I was demented over that afternoons conversation. I remembered every single thing I felt my mother didn't do for me. And I cried when I realised that's how Jane feels... Jane thinks we just sent her away to boarding school and that the others were preferred. I never even had the chance to do ANYTHING for Sara... her family had all the keys there. I don't feel comfortable intruding there. I didn't want to be the intruder. But I am.

And just when work was looking and acting perfect.... it has became horrendous. And I don't think it would be prudent for me to post about my misery with that here. Suffice to say - this world can be a pretty cruel place. It is unlikely I will quit. I have no debts - so I can if I want. My girls have few expectations of me. I know two of them love me and I love my times with them. My son wont mind one bit if I say we are off to live on a houseboat. MOTH (Christian my partner) seems to just tolerate anything I do. I adore the kids I work with. There are about 18 staff at my work. Two I find intolerable, unprofessional, mean and occasionally stupid. I don't know what to do. I will just do my best at remaining tolerable, professional, kind and using my brains. Parenthood isnt easy.

Lots of things in life are wonderful. But lots .. just are not. But I am fine. I may have to find committees and stuff to join again soon. Oh well.

I have a kayak

MOTH bought me a kayak on Friday.

I have wanted one for sometime - but generally he would dismiss it as yet another of my not so sensible desires. For example - I have always wanted a hideously expensive lamp. With four kids who always broke everything, always owning errant dogs and now grandchildren to continue the carnage... I still want this lamp. I am the one who throws the ball to the dogs inside. I am accused of being the one who decides to dance with my daughters at midnight to songs from You Tube.

I SUSPECT he bought it for me to prove I wont use it.

That is probably why when I woke up Saturday morning after he had left for work he had tied the bloody thing onto my car. I was very pleased to receive the gift but I didn't mean I wanted to go kayaking NOW. It is Winter still for heavens sake! In my very glamorous winter nightwear I stared at the car and kayak out the window. I know I said I wanted the damn thing - but I have errands to run, and I am not completely sure I can lift or tie this thing back on if I did try to use it.

When Cheree arrived we both stared over it with our cups of tea. We considered driving her car to Barney Point Beach and getting a bucket of sand to tip over the kayak to explain to MOTH that we did try it and would try it again once the warmer weather came back. But I have that dent in the car that isn't fixed and I figured the salt water wouldn't be so good. Or we were too lazy to even try that.

All we could think of was the water would be bloody cold.

MOTH arrived home much earlier than expected and he was keen to take it out. He had first go around Callemondah dam and I declined to have a go.

But this morning he assured me it was not as windy as yesterday afternoon and I did have a go... both at the Callemondah dam and in the Auckland Creek. The water was no colder than I remember it in the warmer months - only the wind made me feel cold where I splashed myself. I get a wet bottom because I am very unco-ordinated in the getting in and out of the kayak.

Next weekend I will attempt to row my little boat from Callemondah to the Yacht club. MOTH didn't know I had the camera.. so only pictures of him playing in it were taken.

But I do love my little kayak.

The volkswagon crash

I was away with Anna and William at the end of June beginning of July. When I returned my beloved brother told me of a terrible incident wherein my father and step mother had a car accident. My father is fond of old cars. Well old machines really. Maybe because we cant afford new? Who knows? But he lovingly restored his VW. And he loved it. They were on their way to a VW rally in Wagga when a large dual cab 4x4 lost control overtaking on a crest and rolled in front of them. Dad took evasive action and... well.... the pictures tell the story...

It could of been much worse. I shudder to think how much worse. My step mother had her arm broken and a plate in it and spent her very first night in hospital. She would of hated it. Joan likes her home and her pretty smells and things. I hate thinking of her having to go to a hospital.

The VW wont be able to be fixed. I can see the misery in my fathers face. My nephew to me just looks like my beautiful little brother.

It was just magnificent though that Dad and Joan didn't get seriously hurt. Horrific that it can take just a second to... destroy something someone worked so hard to preserve.

I can see in some of those photos.. that on the left the t-model ford has been removed from the shed so the VW can go in. That is saying something. My father spent the last 40 years preserving that car... and he moves it to put this broken car in. The car of his youth... that he drove across the Nullabor with his best mate from college. (Not the exact one...)

I was shaken. I am not ready to lose these people. I dont ring or write or visit as much as I should. I just like to know they are there.

They are fine... thank dog.

Climbing Mount Larcom

This morning MOTH, my son William, my workmate and friends Cheree and Tonya and Tonya's son Christian set off to climb Mount Larcom. The photo below is taken from about 3/4 of the way up the walk.

Mount Larcom is only 632 m above sea level but the highest peak in our area. The walk is meant to be EASY... and takes five hours. It took us just over an hour and a half up - we spent an hour at the top and probably just over an hour down. Or else I am delusional because I am so bloody tired. I have attempted this before and failed. I just quit last time. I was grateful to have Cheree and Tonya this time. Because there was no bloody way I was quiting if they didn't.

Our dog Rocky and me at the top. He probably is part dingo. I don't know. He and our other dog Dotti sleep in our beds, hog our sofas and molest all visitors. We like them. Many others do not like them. Dotti can rarely come on outings because she is deaf.

That is V for victory. And proof I crawled up the damn top.
Viewing where our cars where.

My son William didn't seem as pooped as I was. I still smoked anyway.


Cheree is not doing V for victory she is giving me rabbit ears.

All around us gorgeous views. Exhilarating.

Magnificent.

The narrows where we boat and fish and crab.

At work we have a "Biggest Loser" competition wherein whoever loses the most weight wins the weigh in money from the contestants on Fridays weigh in. I like to be competitive. So I made these for us for our return. None of us ate them. I hate their will power.

Quick fill in

Oh! I haven't still been partying!

MOTH has been sick - and naturally because he is male his sickness is far worse than any other sick person has ever suffered. He had a week off work and hogged the sofa and the television (I think I will scream if I have to endure another episode of Deadliest Catch.) He is cranky and not like the MOTH I normally share my life with. My patience is thin, but thankfully I think he is on the mend.

My closest friend was devastated by the actions of her teenage daughter. Common theme, no one to blame - simply teenage girls can be so selfish. I spend 7.5 hours a day with this friend and vicarious traumatisation is very wearying. And pretty fair to say I have already done my share of teenage daughters who break hearts. My own daughters and hers - beautiful, smart, funny and with basically good hearts who want to grow up too soon. And absolutely understanding the desire to be a grown up because we already did the teenage years.

At work there are lovely women who make me proud to be part of their team and happy to be with. There are also a couple that simply make life miserable when life shouldn't be.

I have a couple of challenging children at the moment. One I haven't warmed to and that makes me feel bad. I haven't had a challenging child before that I didn't end up loving like crazy. This child just manages to make me angry and it disturbs me that I have no nice feelings for this child. The other challenging child just captured my heart and makes me roar laughing and she is naughty (we aren't allowed to ever use words like naughty) but she is just such a funny little whirlwind...and it bugs me that the little whirlwind makes me happy and laugh and the other child that has behaviour problems simply makes me angry. A conflict within me. I can fight with the whirlwind all day and not feel any awful emotion. The other child just makes me feel awful emotions. I cannot cuddle her. I cannot sympathise with her. It is a really odd feeling. And I do feel like a monster to not be able to love that child like I love the others. The whirlwind honestly is just as naughty as that child. Maybe naughtier. I certainly feel bad that I cant seem to warm to this child.

All my other kids at work are complete angels. Funny, smart and best of all they like my singing. Brilliant caring parents. I bribe my two year olds with toileting... jelly beans for wees or poos. I do it out of my laziness. I have 12 children I have to change 4 times a day. It is hard work - so I get them to use the toilets as soon as I can. Bribes work. Some kids are smart enough to make one wee worth five jellybeans but I am willing to pay that. I know they haven't finished the toileting. It isd easier for me to watch them on the toilet than it is to take them to the change table. I can do other things standing at the door of the bathroom. I have been so lucky with these kids. They are all (well excluding my battle with the one) just amazing and wonderful.

My father and stepmother had a terrible accident... and the 1955 Volkswagen my father had lovingly restored is a right off. It gave me a bit of a fright too. I like knowing they are there. I don't ever want them not to be there.

I am climbing Mt Larcom tomorrow with some friends from work. I have failed this walk before. I got cranky and gave up and sat by myself. I am not failing tomorrow.

My 40th birthday party

Forty friends and /or colleagues (including 14 children) attended the 40th birthday party that wasn't meant to occur last night. I invited everyone from work because of cause it is rude to not invite someone.. but thankfully only the lovelies came. I wasn't going to have a party - it was one of those things thrust upon me that I didn't back out of ... and hosted at a girlfriends house because APPARENTLY some of my friends don't approve of my dogs and their... manners (which are impeccable). But my friends home is definitely more party friendly than mine.... and the gesture breathtaking that people will do these things for me.

My friend (and boss actually) said NO CHILDREN OTHER THAN YOURS AND MINE... and I had to beg for some children to be allowed to attend. For as long as I have lived here - those children and our celebrations have been together and the thought of having a celebration without them wasn't very appealing to me.

Photographs can be so bloody awful - Kelly's face is actually gorgeous - that is just one of those moments.My daughter Anna trying to get the cake on the plate... with Madison (her long time friend and someone I just know to expect to be around) and me....

I think I am probably opening a present or simply enamoured with whatever I am drinking with this photo. I gave the camera to Mitchell aged 12 and asked him to take photos. We had heaps of ceilings and single balloons.

My youngest daughter Jane is handing me presents to open and Madison in the background... my partner (aka MOTH - Christian with his back to us) our friends Keiran and Christian in the background.

Hope and me and the .... cold brutality of photographs when one is drinking ....

These ladies are my workmates. Jill in the purple is always good fun and amusing. MOTH bought me a pinata...a lime green dragon that we filled with lollies for the children. Hmm... the children who are all growing so big now. It was lovely looking at the children that came... from toddlers to smart children, from children to teenagers...

However - we all know pinatas should be approached from smallest child to biggest - two strikes each etc...... Jill watched one child swing and decided she wanted a go - completely misunderstood the two strikes per person rule and just flogged the poor little thing till it exploded. The children didn't mind - they just wanted the lollies. Mitchell came and found me shortly after to offer me the half of his loot find... how beautiful?

I guess I posted this picture to show food or something? See the cake? Simona made that for me. I play trivia with her on Wednesday evenings and she offered to make me the cake. It was beautiful. Strawberries in every layer.

The kids amused themselves while the adults made merry. They fought with the balloons and played on Playstation 2 singstar.

I think that game is called throwing the Morgan or something. No kid came to an adult crying so all was good.

Shortly after the next photograph the adults pushed the kids off the singstar and proceeded to make idiots of themselves... with much joviality and some utter rudeness. It was wonderful. I took a nap.

My new friend Andrea (on the right) and my long time friend Hope got on like they had known each other for ever. I have only known Andrea properly a short time (she is the friend who bought me cake and a gift and card after that awful incident at work when I had to take the blame for the small child that was scratched and bitten)

Behind the girls is the banners and streamers Joy bought me while I was at the Gold Coast last weekend. She rang me yesterday and I had to use her voice for a little while to help me calm down. It worked.. it always does.

I fret about stuff like... will everyone be happy. Will everyone be fed?

I will add a small childhood story from my life.

It was my birthday and I would of been only 11 Iuess. My parents divorced in 1977 and I was quite saddened by this occurrence. We had moved house, and my mother had a boyfriend and we shared the house with a lady who was ok... usually. I asked my mother if I could have a party and she said yes... and stupid me invited my friends. My Mama was most likely suffering from depression but I was a stupid kid who didn't think about anything other than how wonderful it would be to have a party. When my friends arrived... Mama had made a cake but didn't ice it and all we had to drink was cordial. That was it. Nothing else. I used bravado to act like it was all fine. I remember my heart pacing and my fear and horror. And kids are nasty.

The next day at school... one person led the way but two followed to ask for the return of their gifts. I felt utterly humiliated. I gave them back the gifts. I don't think my mother ever even noticed. I told myself it was my fault for being so greedy to think I could have a proper party. I then ruined my brothers birthday party.... insisting on pass the parcels with old crap we had owned and games...because I so wanted his to be nice.....

I was bossy and horrible and told all his friends they were not getting their presents back.

In the cold light of day... I didn't run out of food or booze. The night was wonderful. I have good friends and I love life.. I am very lucky.

Peter Pan's shadow.... it happens more than we think!

Remember Peter Pan's shadow?
Well - it happens more than you thought! One of the lovely young ladies from work was walking her dogs along the beach and took a happy snap.

Yep - that's another errant shadow!

As a dog does

I just got a text message from my dear Mr T.B. Brady. It certainly isn't the only time this friend has helped me.
But if I had to thank all my wonderful friends (and some of you beautiful blogger people who just... really help me) it would take too bloody long.
But I LOVE THIS. (I am aware it is completely vulgar.)

Thought for the day.

Handle every stressful situation like a dog - If you cant eat it or root it... piss on it and walk away.

Sad farewells... Ms Fits quit on RYWHM!

I guess it was just too bloody impossible for anyone to hate her.
One of my very favourite bloggers has quit.
I will miss the funny tiny leftie who gave me many moments of reading pleasure. Well... I doubt it really. Just have to keep an eye out for what she is up to next?
Marieke - you have been a pleasure.
I am hoping she was just premenstrual.

Malicious gossip and tragic incidents

Last week at work a terrible incident occurred. Fifteen minutes before my shift was over one of my supervisors instructed me to toilet my children. I called three of my 2 year olds and left the sandpit area immediately. My mistake was not waiting for the supervisor to send someone else to the sandpit.

She gets paid $8 an hour more than me for being qualified and responsible.My teammates often gripe about this particular supervisors double standards and very rarely does anyone stand up for themselves and say no to her.

Anyway - a small child was hurt by another child whilst the sandpit area was unsupervised. And of course I felt just terrible. I left work saddened and horrified at the horrible incident. I shouldn't of left until someone else had replaced me. Ten minutes before a coworker and myself were playing ball happily with all these kids and the little child that was attacked giggling delightfully sitting on a bike near me. When I was instructed to leave the area I just did as I was told. Ten minutes later the child was scratched and bitten.

The anguished mother decided she wanted to personally tell off the person responsible... so two of my supervisors decided that was me and the following morning I endured a very personal attack by the mother. I wasn't given this as a choice - the supervisors involved on these days led me to believe there was not an option.

I have learnt since that I could of refused.

Anyway, as if that wasn't horrid enough.... about six months ago I came to work with a hangover. I mean it.. a rotten, thumping, pore seeping, wretched hangover. I am telling you - childcare is no place to ever have a hangover. Every maraca shaken, drum thumped, piercing scream, the hokey pokey hurts to the very core. "The wheels on the bus"? That bit where the people on the bus stand up sit down? Man - killer. The woman I work with usually laughed at me... as you should. It is the Australian way - laugh at the sucker because there but for the grace of dog... you could be there. But - being a good supervisor when another staff member mentioned my condition to her she also gave me some cheap perfume and chewing gum.

I have managed to upset a couple of women I work with. Anyway, cutting a long story short...well shorter... I was surprised to see my direct supervisor upset with some staff for gossiping... and as she muttered about their malicious activities I... didn't bother asking what they were gossiping about... Another coworker came down to me and told me to watch my back... and I thought she was referring to the fact my washing machine has been strangely putting fluff on stuff or I could have been used as a nose wipe by one of my children... and I went and checked the back of my shirt. Another coworker was talking to my supervisor about something being finished and she turned to me and said "I am so sorry Melissa" and I thought she meant because she must of thought she was interrupting me.. so I said.. "Don't be silly - nothing to apologise about!"

The malicious gossip was about me. That I was hungover and drank alcohol during my lunch hour which explains why I never eat lunch in the staff room. (I live across the road and come home at lunch time to do the washing up, play with the dogs, check the gardens and enjoy quiet time)

One of the supervisors told a family member who also happens to be one of my best friends and she came immediately to tell me. I rang my direct supervisor (who happens to be my nicest close friend at the moment) and said why the hell didn't you tell me? She said she knew how upset I was over the incident last week and wanted to spare my feelings. She also knew it was bullshit (she is a friend who knows me very well - including the fact I do drink alcohol)

My daughter Anna came home for most of the week this week. It was just nice having her home.
I bought myself some computer stuff that I think is pretty cool before all this crap happened and it arrived yesterday. My 22" monitor is just gorgeous EXCEPT it means everyone can see what I am typing/looking at and they all LOOK!
MOTH is fine as always and just amuses himself. He deals with everything with food and sex. Wish I could do it as easily.
A new friend was surprisingly wonderful and bought me chocolate cake and small gifts that really made me think.. wow sometimes life is wonderful. How thoughtful and lovely?
The majority of my colleagues were wonderful with their support, kind words and defence.
My daughter Jane continues to make her own life more difficult than it should be.
William pointed out some new tumours (he has hereditary multiple exostoses) and today we got yet another referral to a specialist. I took him shopping for new shoes and sports gear today while we waited for the doctors receptionist to type up our letter. William let me send him to the hairdresser for a real haircut - and I suspect he did that just to please me. He doesn't like having his hair cut, and today he let them cut it short and how I like it.
I have the flu and didn't go to work today. I suspect the flu is my own fault because it is policy to wear gloves for wiping kids noses and sometimes I don't bother if I think no one is watching. But the kids sneeze on me and I cuddle them if they cry... germ city and I guess I am rundown because I have been so upset this past week.

Still - was a bit shocking that such lies could be told by a couple of my workmates and for me to be so stupid to not see what was going on. My funny jokes have to stop. My direct supervisor and I do laugh and carry on about some of my activities outside of work. Only Saturday after the incident we went to Rockhampton for her sons football and to catch up with my girls and Sizzlers for lunch... and I did have a terrible hangover and complained all the food tasted like the brandy she gave me that I swear was dodgy. I was the one who passed out first at the work social club function. I do say silly things like "wine makes me clever" before we attend trivia at a local hotel with my workmates.
I enabled the sad women to try to spread such a horrid thing about me. I guess we live and learn.

The.. If I was your mother story

I forgot something funny that happened.
The football ground at Rockhampton is right by the Fitzroy river near the racecourse.
Anyway - Anna and I are standing outside the grounds in the carpark opposite the river... when up comes another half dozen boys Anna's age from Gladstone. Anna is cringing because she has dressed to portray her misery for me... and she knows I will fall for it. One of the boys in particular Anna finds very attractive. Another.. she tells me is an arsehole and that I have yelled at before. (I don't remember that because the bloody kids grow faster than my memory... allows me to remember them)
A woman MAYBE my age walks up to the boys who have grouped just near us. This woman looks GORGEOUS. She is very tanned, in a short skirt with magnificent legs, slim and speaks in what I imagine is an American accent (but I could offend my Canadian friends because sometimes I cant tell the difference) and she loudly says to the boys....
"Now If I was your mother.. where would you want me to sit, because I am new at this and I don't know what to do."
The boy Anna pointed out to me that is already (rightfully) scared of me... says... delightfully for me...
"If you WERE MY MOTHER... I would say the other side of the oval... but your not... obviously so just sit at the Grandstand"
I roar laughing and say to Anna... who is disapproving of my laughing... "But really, my kids would tell me to go sit by the damn river outside the carpark...."
Anna says... "Well no frigging wonder Mum. Stop laughing. You don't even like that kid!"
That was before I realised he was very funny. I like him heaps now.

The football weekend? Or the secret weekend?

Saturday morning I accompanied a friend to her sons AFL game at Rockhampton to deliver some cooked meals to my daughters and have a brief visit with them. So - here is William, Anna and a friend of theirs - Zak, early Saturday morning at football. Hmmm.... my kids are rather short actually. William commented that he wants to play AFL also.... and I looked in horror at the size of the other kids and the size of him. He never ever seems to understand he has a height disadvantage. Zak plays in under 17's and William plays under 15's for heavens sake.
Yes - Anna looks rather unkept in this particular photo. But she is demonstrating her misery. It wasn't until we got there that she said... "Goodness Mum I didn't realise people we know would be here - you could of made me do my hair!"
She is miserable over a boy. And whilst she tells me about her problems with the boy, her problems with her sister Jane and her father, her job, school, wanting to quit school and work in childcare, missing her friends, being expected to cook and clean and how there are never enough hours in the day.... I do hear her complaining that she doesn't like the food she is expected to eat. So I cooked her and Jane some meals, froze them and took them up.
As soon as we got to the AFL - Jane and Courtney (her partner in the shoplifting incident in December) asked if they could walk back to Jane's fathers house (maybe four blocks away). I cant refuse Jane any opportunity to exercise - so although I had hoped to enjoy that hour or so with both my daughters I still said yes to them walking home. I figured it was unlikely they could get into trouble in such a short amount of time. Courtney is a darling - she cant keep secrets. Jane too has boy problems and she wouldn't share anything like that with me. Anna will tell me too much but Jane wont tell me a thing. Jane also has a new mobile phone and I don't have the number.
As we drove off my friend shouted out to Jane - "Don't worry your mum has your number - she got it from the text message you sent her for Mother's day!" (Jane was the only one of my kids who didn't bother to contact me)
Anna needs another 12 logged hours (or so?) before she can get her drivers license. I wanted to give her lessons this weekend but my car has a fan belt that is squealing and that is why I opted to instead accompany my friend to meet with my girls.
This week I will attend to taking my car to the mechanics - and the weekend arrangement worked so well - that next weekend we will also travel with my friend to meet with the girls. Except we will drive further on to Yeppoon in Anna's car for the lesson and meet back at Rockhampton for lunch at Sizzlers and a visit to the zoo. All things going well - which sometimes they don't.
I gave Anna the money for a professional lesson this week. I hope she organises it and does it.
We are heading to Gold Coast again at the end of June for cheer leading Nationals competition and to meet with friends and family... and buggared if I want to be doing all the driving. I want her to drive.
Oh. My friends oldest daughter has a new boyfriend. Who happens to be Anna's first boyfriend - Robert.(I am classifying first boyfriend on the basis that he was her first lover) He was lovely. He treated Anna like a princess and Anna used to run around the house madly before he arrived making sure it was clean and begging us to be a) clothed b) sober and not make any jokes whatsover and preferably not speak at all and c) not to make any mess whatsoever.
My friend managed to keep this a secret from me for 5 1/2 hours. I am in awe. I would NEVER of managed to keep such a secret for that long from her. We discussed at work all week the fact we knew her daughter was interested in a boy. We discussed the potentials. I guessed Robert... and even did a little spying on Myspace etc..... but my friend said... nah couldn't be him. Her daughter HATES red heads. (My friend is a redhead)
Her beautiful daughter wouldn't tell her because apparently my friend cant keep secrets. Go figure huh?

William's birthday.. or my complete inability to keep secrets

William will be 14 next week. And as I procrastinated and pondered and .... did it again... the only thing he really wanted... was the xbox360 which is already like.. ancient technology...and you probably should buy the elite one etc etc....
William is meant to empty the bins and water the plants on the front verandah. Especially since Anna left home, he never remembers either. Sometimes he is meant to get washing off the line or out of the dryer and put it away. It is all on his top bunk in his bedroom as we speak.
But he never causes me trouble or headaches OTHER than because he will not tell me when he needs new things - like shoes and toothbrushes. Lack of time, or wasting time - bad time management and lousy shopping .... I just got in a bad mood and decided I wanted to buy him what he wanted.
MOTH was late home indulging a little with his friends. I was a little bit wild. (Wild as in angry) MOTH was a little intimidated by my bad temper and as I hadn't consumed any alcohol I drove us to the mall... shopping after a fifteen minute quick read on the xbox 360. We probably should of bought the elite version. If we waited the K-mart lovely girl warned us - we would save a whole $15 next week. But I was just tired and wanted the whole.. birthday dilemma out of the way. So we bought the.. go pro box and a game... with lots of swearing and the russian immigrants steal cars and stuff...
MOTH made William find the present by telling him to take the garbage out and the stuff being out there. In MOTH's mind that is funny. Give creedence to the fact MOTH gets frustrated to death by my lack of being able to keep such a secret and wait for the birthday. But I really cant. MOTH wanted to keep the game at least as a secret. I rang Anna to tell her of the torture... and she understood Mummy cant keep secrets.
Anna is a little upset because the love of her life... was a little mean today and she feels her heart is breaking. Sunday... I will make try fix it... but you cant really. When you are 17 and you think your boyfriend has been mean... the sun has stopped shining. She was good because she ... at least or only.. could understand my absolute impatience....
My brother told me to buy a Wee2 or something. So did Sara I think. But I felt.. William just never bothers me. He never tells me I dont provide enough. He never asks for ANYTHING. He never tells me how great anyone elses parents are and how he has nothing. I dont even notice he has inadequate footwear until it becomes a state of embarrassment. I knew he wanted this thingo.
And I couldnt wait just one week till his birthday to give it to him.
But... as I purchased it... his mates Reggie, Jayden and Sam came to the counter to say G'day. So... that gives me an excuse. As if they would of kept a secret?

Chucking a sickie...

Yep - I did it. At my work you have to call in sick at 6.30am. I think that is ridiculous... but that is the rule. You also have to have a doctors certificate if you are sick on a Monday or a Friday.
I wasn't REALLY sick - if you count having a temperature and name of an ailment. But I have been a little stressed worrying about a family member, Anna has so many things on her agenda and so many decisions to make, I have unavoidably made conflict with a couple of my colleagues that I just... wish would go away.... and I have heaps of sick days up....
I chose today because there was a performance at work so the kids would be attending that and not really know I was missing. Wednesday is also the only day that my room doesn't have full attendance.
I chose today last week actually - and made sure the person I would like to relieve me was available.
We are meant to complete a module a month of study to keep our jobs. And I find when I get home from work I am tired - and I have dinner to prepare, washing, some housework that cannot be avoided, MOTH to attend to, friends to entertain and be a friend too, bills to pay, blogs & emails to read, Anna wants someone to whinge too, William needs to be reminded to move away from the television/xbox/ps2 and attend the real world... the garden needs attending and the capsicums need roasting. Ok - so I do anything but my homework.
So - today the plan was to knock over some of the dreaded assignments.
I sat in the garden for an hour. I pondered some madness that always troubles me. I fed the birds - both the lorrikeets, crested pigeons and galahs out the back and the finches out the front and watched them for a while. I filled in my holiday application for the end of June beginning of July to take Anna to her gymnastics (ok - cheerleading) competition and meet my aunt and cousins for a possibly wonderful and exciting reunion... (possibly because one shouldn't get their hopes up plans can change and I could get the holiday application rejected) I opened my books and the files on the computer.
Then Meg rang and said.. I am at The Valley... want to do lunch? Of course I do ... I am starving. We choose a local Chinese restaurant... and horror of horrors... not one but TWO of the parents of the children in my room work there. Serves myself right for not paying attention to what people do for a living. I recognised them but couldn't think... where... and when it suddenly dawned on me....... bloody hell there was no escape. Hope they didn't notice I had three plates of all you can eat. I ate Meg's left overs too actually. Hardly the behaviour of a sick person!
And when we got home and had coffee and Meg left - yep. I napped. Then I cooked Anna and Jane lasagne, noodles and fish pie becaue they complain to me that they dont like the food at their fathers and I am going there this weekend to take Anna for more driving lessons and deliver food. Jane claims she is now a vegetarian - so I made vegetarian lasagne and noodles and veggies for her... and meat ones for Anna. Jane is eating fish still.
I did complete ONE assignment. Bloody hope it passes.

Mother's Day

Early Sunday morning a friend and her family and MOTH, William, myself and Dotti the wonderdog went to the Marina for breakfast to celebrate Mother's Day. The two MOTH's took the dogs for a walk while us Mums COOKED... but enjoyed the beautiful scenery weather and company.
It was my choice to only take Dotti - because I think she gets left behind too often. She is deaf and... out of laziness I guess sometimes it is just easier to leave her at home.She does obey hand signals... but funny enough she doesn't seem to see them when there are children to play with at a park or beach and other dogs to see. Actually we have had some downright disasters where she has to be chased for miles before she realises she is meant to come to us. Lucky for us - she never tries to escape from home and she is... getting a tad beefy....
A football was kicked around and rescued a couple of times from the harbour. It was a pleasant morning.
When we got home.. MOTH and William gave me a terrific present. They went fishing. After I had washed up breakfast and repacked our picnic/camping box I had a glorious three hour nap.
And William and MOTH eventually returned with two cod, five summer whiting (my favourite) and two mudcrabs. Yes, cod are ugly but they taste great.
My oldest daughter Sara sent me a bottle of scotch (a rather large one at that) and an ipod shuffle. MOTH owes me the majority of the scotch.
The ipod thingo just loaded itself with music from my computer.. which meant I was horrified because it had heaps of crap on it I don't want to listen to. It took me a couple of nights to figure out my own playlist. MOTH however... very much liked the first couple of nights when it was loaded with.... too much...
I enjoyed conversations on the telephone with both of my oldest daughters - although I guess a lot of it was just the... terrible struggle of day to day living, obligations, desires and fears. My youngest daughter Jane didn't ring me at all. Monday night she told me she had forgotten.
We made our phone calls...and I did very little really. Another girlfriend visited in the afternoon and I had acquired a ST Kilda track suit for her son from the girlfriend in the morning... and little Morgan was delighted with the track suit.
My friend gave me a harness for my dogs... and I took Rocky for a walk in the evening. He was so well behaved - normally he is an absolute shit for me...I thought the harness was a miracle. The next night I took him for a walk with it and he was an absolute shit again - I think he was just pretending to be a good dog because Dotti got to attend an outing while he stayed home.
The harness doesnt fit Dotti's somewhat wide girth. I might buy her one this weekend. We could probably do with some more exercise!

Tides wait for no one...

MOTH went crabbing this morning. I knew he wanted me to come too - but I have to complete the study for work.... and it is hideous saying "No I cant come I need to do this" when really I would much rather drive about on the boat and look at the scenery.

I never do much on the boat. I do have a boat license.. but I doubt very much I can actually drive our boat. The boat I got my license on... was very similar to a car. Whenever MOTH asks me if I want to drive.. I decline. I like being the passenger. As a matter of fact I don't really help with anything on the boat. If MOTH asks for the net.. I throw it at him.. I don't use it. If MOTH is busy with his own fish... I get snappy and cranky because I need help with mine because it looks like it could be spiky. I will jump off the boat and hold a bucket on top of a crab and yell for him to help. I never touch them myself.

I can go one further on the horridness of me. I rarely even peel/crack my own crab. I wait for MOTH to do it for me. I love eating mud crab but it bores me to open them.

Anyway - the high tide was very high today. The low tide was very very low. And he got stuck. And because he was at The Narrows that has not very good phone coverage it just meant I had phone calls from his mobile phone that I couldn't answer or reconnect to.

I wasted worries with the non connecting calls worrying something ghastly had happened to him and Rocky the wonder dog. They just didn't watch the time and couldn't use the boat ramp because the tide was so low... so they were stuck.

I did a tiny bit of my assignments. Mostly I was annoyed that I was stuck at home with the assignments and the entire rest of the world was out having fun. I would of rathered being stuck in 0.4 metre low tides on The Narrows.

Although we have fenced the yard at the front and on the sides, Rocky the wonderdog kept escaping by scaling the back fence. So this weekend we cut down all the bushes, trees and vines and pulled it all away - erected taller posts and attached dog wire to thwart his desire to play street and bridge troll at night time.

Big job, huge mess and effort by MOTH, William and myself. However, the ugly fence will soon be hidden like this one when the weedy vine grows over it. And I like the green look. And the stress of hearing how Rocky wouldn't let a neighbour walk over the bridge will be gone! Most of our neighbours just tell Rocky to rack off... and call his bluff... but a few understandably have a big problem with Rocky barking at them as they try to cross the bridge. Other neighbours are not so impressed when their purebred bitches are on heat and Rocky's amorous activities are not thought fondly received. He often comes home wet from being hosed and limping as if he has been kicked. MOTH utterly rejects desexing him though.


Anna (daughter no2) made an unplanned trip back to Gladstone after a huge fight with her father early this week. After many discussions with me, she did apologise to him and go home to him. For the life of her she couldn't understand how she could be in the wrong for allowing midnight parties at her fathers house for teenagers (boys too, alcohol and her Dad thought they had been smoking ... lol.. he would of been HORRIFIED)

During our talks she helped me at my work. Although she certainly is the self centred teenager who has a real problem with consideration for how her parents feel - she is delightful to work with. She can think ahead, she is never idle and she just always has been lovely too work with.

Jane (daughter no3) had caught the train to Rockhampton Monday evening basically as Anna was on her way down here. So - Anna missed a day at school and had to eat humble pie a little as she told everyone she was leaving never to return.

It would be funny really if I didn't get so upset when she cries.

Another day another drama?

My little kids at work were delighted with seven tutu's that my Mama made for me. I had told her how I only had two - and that often caused disputes with the children. Seven does too - there are not only 10-12 kids in my room but the other children soon spotted them and wanted them too.

I have deliberately chosen photographs with the children's faces not on them - but I still worry a little I should not use the photos. But I just want to share how cute and beautiful these children are... and how they make me so happy with their antics.
We attended a thank you BBQ last night for all the people (and their families) who helped with the build of a house. The house had some very clever design features and was lovely. William and I left early. The food was just being cooked as we left and the bubbles had flowed for three hours on my empty stomach. I rang a girlfriend and said "Come and get us.. I am too drunk." She will tease me unmercifully this week for that.

I guess I deserve it.