It isn't easy being a parent

The house we live in is the same size as a postage stamp.

Ok - Sometimes I take poetic license to extremes. But it is small.

All my younger children are home again.

That is good - because I love them and I like them near. That is also bad because three bedrooms , two proper adults (well we like to think we are), two largish dogs, one teenage boy and two teenage girls in a three bedroom house poses problems. A normal family would probably say - well the two girls share one room and the son in the other. That doesn't work here.

The girls would kill each other.

Jane got fired from MacDonald's. The maintenance worker told of the girls giving away free food... thus misappropriating... and I guess stealing from their employer. Of course it is stealing. My apologies there.

Jane tells me she wants to go back to school. Firstly we sent her to boarding school because she was difficult to make go to school... then I did the six months drag her out of bed and make her go to school thing... and then she quits and works full time... and its not that I don't think she is smart. It is not that I don't think she is smarter than most people.

It is just that she has blown chance after chance after chance.... and this time... sure come home.. sure Mum will fix it... but this time you need a vocation choice... even if it isn't her immediate choice...

And Jane don't listen to the others who tell you.... oh its ok Jane I stole - I cut myself and I didn't fight depression and fucked up.

And Jane don't listen to your stepfather who is just fed up with my antics and my children's antics and he just wants a decent boat.

And Jane don't listen to your older sister who acts like a little cuckoo bird.. you know she stinks at sharing.

Just once Jane.. listen to your mother. Just stick at something, I don't care what it is really - there are avenues to anything if you really want it... and just don't .. just don't steal.

My horror hasn't left from the first time. (Stealing I mean) First my absolute denial... when someone close warned me she was I said... No Way - not one of my kids. Then the betrayal... I stole because my parents wouldn't give me what I needed... when she was stealing stuff for babies and dolls....???? The... absolute horror of the whole thing... the female detective losing her temper with her when she refused to answer or rolled her eyes... her own solicitor getting cranky at her for her spoilt behaviour....

And this time... knowing I cant say much... but knowing just from her attitude that she doesn't seem to understand that giving her friends free food from the company... is stealing. I cant say... FOR FUCKS SAKE DO NT STEAL.... I cant make it worse.

But I gotta pretend every things just fine as I figure out how to get her some other kind of training/job... then Anna's and William's (albeit smaller but still real) problems and not lose my temper at my own job.....while my partner faces instability in his job.

She slept all day today and when she did wake... she asked me for a driving lesson just before she knew I had friends due to arrive. There was no fuel in the manual car... and it takes me ages to prepare for guests. If she had of asked me in the morning there would of been no problem.

I just feel so bad... I never make her happy.