Long time - no post

I have no real excuses. Nothing all that interesting happened that I felt the need to write about it. Heaps of things happened. I wasn't all that productive on the home front - I still have projects unfinished and lists all over the place. I haven't been fishing or boating as much as I would of liked. I just went to work, came home, smelt the roses whilst watering the garden and admired the mad lorikeets, galahs, crested pigeons and finches that expect me to feed them.

My son and partner have had fishing adventures. Mostly on weekends I just do housework, fiddle with assignments and prepare food for friends and family. Drink wine and enjoy their company.



William is sorting freshly caught prawns in this photo - the medium size ones we ate and the smaller ones they used for bait. The normal adventures with mudcrabs that escaped in the boat and had to be caught.

Heaps of adventures with my daughters - especially the teenagers. Right now - Jane IS living in a tent at a caravan park charging her ipod and phone in the communal bathroom. She came home last week claiming her father was impossible but she was willing to live under our rules because she understood she had no choice until she was comfortable financially. That lasted two nights - on the second when I said "No" to her sleeping at her friends house that had that day been to court and is facing juvenile detention ... everything flew out the window. Well - no - actually this time nothing was thrown.. barely even words if you don't count... "Fuck you all I will live in my tent." I was a bit amazed because I didn't think Jane could actually assemble a tent - but hey wonders never cease! Hopefully this wont last too long. I will go there on Saturday morning and see if I can find the right words JUST once for this girl. I stupidly got her a babysitting job that allowed her to have the money to catch the train back to Rockhampton. I will feel a bit stupid when that parent asks me for Jane to babysit again and have to explain Jane is no longer available... sitting in her tent at some caravan park so she can work at her beloved MacDonald's. She has lost heaps of weight and seems a little over confident - but she is still taciturn and it makes her suffer more than she should. I KNOW she is suffering with no money at the park but until she rings I will not do anything.

Gawd - enough of that - its making me dizzy.

Anna owes more money than many 30 year olds, however her most important concern is the Year 12 formal and whether or not I chose a nice photograph for her schoolies passport. I fixed her computer and had it here for three weeks with her brother and his mates happily using it and when I delivered it to her... within one week it had a virus that had her crying on the phone. That is pretty incredible when you consider she isn't on line at her fathers.The teenage girls plug their stuff into Anna's pc... oh who knows. Anyway that is another job for Saturday. The irony lay in that her father DID get her the Internet... and the PC is not working. Oh - and because Anna is the opposite of taciturn (word web says voluble... and I have never heard that word said!) SOMEHOW when I am talking to this little lady who keeps borrowing money she cannot repay I am somehow considering buying the accessories for her formal ..... ARGHHHHHH.

Sara (my oldest daughter) is now heavily pregnant and due in the next two weeks. Finally - someone told me the sex of the baby (apparently I can't keep a secret so I wasn't to be told) and......... I bloody told Anna - and when Sara rang her.... Anna said "Oh and Mum said the baby is a boy." Brilliant ... just brilliant.

My girls and me. Good grief. I am guessing you can see why I haven't posted.

BUT - Sara stuffed up too. She rang Jane (Jane..at her tent in the caravan park after recharging her mobile phone in the communal bathroom) - and Jane said "Don't worry Sara - I will give you the $150 for the Kylie Minogue tickets for our girls trip in December" and Sara said "Oh - don't give it to me Mum paid for them all on my birthday". Brilliant Sara. I will NEVER GET EITHER DAUGHTER TO PAY FOR THEM NOW.....

And then all of that idea seems to be stuffed up too... because I didn't book time off at work and three people have already beaten me to the dates of the concert. Actually I haven't even booked our airfares for that trip yet. I think if Sara is not too mad at me for not going to see her and the baby.... that I should just gift it to her and she should do with it as she pleases. I would love to see my family at Cootamundra. But the amazing thing about them is that they will understand .... I am a little furious with my mother when I told her about my daughters antics.. she was so... oh all my Bowral friends children are so successful and perfect. And sadly my reaction was.... well my daughters happen to be pretty... so fuck your successful, perfect and sensible kids..... ARGHHHHHHHHHHH

Ohhhh... and I was demented over that afternoons conversation. I remembered every single thing I felt my mother didn't do for me. And I cried when I realised that's how Jane feels... Jane thinks we just sent her away to boarding school and that the others were preferred. I never even had the chance to do ANYTHING for Sara... her family had all the keys there. I don't feel comfortable intruding there. I didn't want to be the intruder. But I am.

And just when work was looking and acting perfect.... it has became horrendous. And I don't think it would be prudent for me to post about my misery with that here. Suffice to say - this world can be a pretty cruel place. It is unlikely I will quit. I have no debts - so I can if I want. My girls have few expectations of me. I know two of them love me and I love my times with them. My son wont mind one bit if I say we are off to live on a houseboat. MOTH (Christian my partner) seems to just tolerate anything I do. I adore the kids I work with. There are about 18 staff at my work. Two I find intolerable, unprofessional, mean and occasionally stupid. I don't know what to do. I will just do my best at remaining tolerable, professional, kind and using my brains. Parenthood isnt easy.

Lots of things in life are wonderful. But lots .. just are not. But I am fine. I may have to find committees and stuff to join again soon. Oh well.