Another whinging post.

I know my posts are getting more miserable by the week. I sound dreadful - one of those awful whinny women I avoid. Or try hard to avoid but never really manage it. Whateva. I am NOT a miserable person. I seek and crave fun and when life shits me I go feed the ducks, play tricks on my dogs and stand for hours by the water pretending the aim is to catch a fish.

I went permanent full time at a daycare centre that is located right across the road. The pay is crap. But I need the money - and what luck working so close from home - still time to run home at lunch prepare dinner, wash up after breakfast and hang the washing on the line. I have 12 two year olds to care for and they are all wonderful.

Even my wildcat who does bite, is always up to something dreadful and reminds me of my daughter Jane. Her little mind is constantly thinking.. constantly watching her surroundings to find the easiest most fun thing to get into. You know when you have to turn your back on her for another child she is going to find the easiest mischief she can. The trick is to think ahead of her so you can tell her you can see her doing it when you cant. She will blow you kisses when she realises she has been foiled. Sadly.. sometimes she foils me. I think she would be aiming to escape out the door - she chose to tip the paint for the next activity into the book shelf. Even the two that come on Monday and Tuesday that cry constantly almost all day unless I can think of ways to distract them. These kids are all wonderful. The good ones that always do as you ask or direct. The cheeky ones that know that there is an ok to push - and not ok to push.

Ok - I am waffling.

It is bloody cold today. Abnormally cold. The other two rooms have only 6 children in them, and mine has 12+ - some of mine had to go into the other rooms to accommodate the numbers versus carers. I have the smallest room and I share a bathroom with another room. During the course of the day - I have a couple of women who share care duties with me. One - normally I find fine to work with. She is shrill and I find she yells and can be... blah.. lets not carry on.

Just before my lunch hour... I take three children into the bathroom for nappy changing, hands and face wash before nap and after lunch... and she throws two more children into the bathroom and shuts the door... to which one of the children turns on the tap to the water basin and another shoves her finger up the spout.. thus causing incredible cold water over everyone in the bathroom.. whilst I am holding a two year old on a change table with SHIT everywhere... I yelled at HER. I did first shout the name of the child with her finger up the water spout. But it is utterly impossible to expect me to control five (I think six actually - there was another child in the room not belonging to my room) But - yep I yelled for help. I had one hand on the child on the change table so he didn't fall off onto the tiles and crack his head open and the other reaching towards the children with the hand basin that was saturating the tiled bathroom ... I was furious! So was other woman.

She went and told a supervisor (I don't know which) that I had yelled at the children and that I took cigarette breaks. I do. I take one in the morning and one in the afternoon. I wait for when I can see the children are quiet before I piss off for said cigarette break. I also watch other woman take personal phone calls, chat to other workers in nearby rooms, organise milo's and other food breaks for her and her fellow workers, completely piss off for half an hour god knows where when I am left alone for that time with 12 two year olds.....I didnt yell at the kids other than the girl with her finger up the tap when we all got the impromptu shower. I definitely DID yell at the woman for shoving the extra kids in the room. When I got back into the room and she said to me just pat the children until they sleep I just did it. I am new.. I cant argue and I certainly knew saying what I wanted to say in front of twelve 2 year olds wasnt wise. And the children I am happy to pat to sleep. Other woman pissed off up the rooms to once again leave me alone with them A float kindly came past and helped with some of the little things - sheets for children who didnt bring them etc. Eight minutes later was my lunch and the second my relief came in the room I was out the door.

I went home.. considered eating and decided that would probably give me indigestion. I hung out laundry, washed dishes and sorted socks. Counted heaps. Told myself it was an isolated incident and not to worry about it. For heavens sake the woman who had annoyed me steals food from the children, brings her own kids to the centre to wake up our kids and give them germs when her kids are sick, ignores timetables, writes utter rubbish as observations and is so careless with her comments to the children it breaches even what parents are taught via the media on what to say to toddlers. It is hard work - I am not denying that. It's somewhat difficult to not say "you are being disgusting" instead of "your actions are disgusting" as a kid smears snot or shit into something. I am not denying that either. And I am very conscious of the fact carer does have tooth pain, wont fix it because it is too expensive and instead gets bad tempered or seeks pain relief - at the expense of the room.

I got back to work - as other carer leaves for her lunch. She informs me that the children are to stay in their beds until 2.30. Four are already awake.. and its 1 pm. I can see this is so not gunna work.

The senior of our block.. pulled me aside to her room.. (I had aimed to get the list of things "wrong" with our room fixed at this point..) sat me on the chairs for toddlers.. to ask me about the incident. I am seated 20 cms from the ground, in a toddlers room to be interrogated about my actions. I was defensive and at first considered denying there was an incident - but she pushed with you were yelling at the children in the bathroom. (Small town too.. I know her "grown up" son)I said no.. I was yelling at the other carer. Fuck it - I did yell. But I tell ya - the kids that copped the sudden shower and slippery floor were not all that bloody shocked I did yell. I shouldn't have five (I am pretty sure there were six actually) kids in a bathroom.. full of both unhygienic and dangerous things... just because the other carer wanted the kids out of the room while she put the most disruptive kid in our room down first when every other day that kid is put to bed last. As a matter of fact I hadnt even finished making the kids beds when I took the three into the bathroom. Sometimes I can take five into the room - but when I select the kids as to the ones I know are not likely to want to play with the water, soap, flushing the loo's, pressing the hand dryer button and unravelling the toilet paper. They are TWO! They are gunna want to do all that stuff.

They dont want to stay on their beds till 2.30 just because it suits the carer. And fuck you too.. because I dont want to sit on my bed for an hour and a half and do nothing just because you are in a bad mood. If I don't want to do it.. how the hell are they gunna want too? I gave them all books.. and then let the awake ones have textas on the table and when they did colour in the table.. I didn't care. When carer came back and quizzed why they were all out of bed.. the children didn't answer and neither did I. I resisted the urge to also draw on the table.

I can be a petty bitch when it suits me. I also think the other carer would be fine if she had her toothache fixed, a little backbone installed so she didn't find it necessary to tell me stories on how she lies to her husband about smoking and money and elocution lessons wouldn't go astray. Use those vowels baby and it is not necessary to use your nasal drawl when speaking.

Carer then decided the children could all go outside. It was freezing today. Ok .. so freezing still in the + temperatures - but us tropical people don't do cold so good. I wanted to say no. But of course I dared not too. I need the money. So I made my kids run and jump, follow me on the fort and down the slippery slide and put two pairs of socks on the kids that had no shoes and wiped noses like a crazy woman.

I adore the children. I am the new person in the workplace. I should learn my place and let them continue to step all over me and ask me to do three things at once and their duties and not complain when they ask me to cover for them. I should be grateful I have full time permanent when many have been there longer and don't.

But oddly enough - really all it makes me think is... you are such a slacker Melissa. Go back into the real workforce.. do what you do...

I almost typed.. do what you do best.. but that isn't true to me. I adore loving these kids. I love every second that they tell me the colours, the sounds, the numbers and the animals. I love the hugs and kisses and hand holding and just the gentle observations they make. There isn't one kid in that room I wouldn't happily bring home tomorrow. (My wildcat I would have to move a lot of stuff for).

I get tired of other peoples stupidity. I also find my life dreadfully busy when I don't do paid work. I get tired of the good people being trod on and the stupid getting their own way. I am not saying other carer is stupid or any of those things. I just think.. maybe this is just a means to kicking me in the butt to go find a real job. I got annoyed at the sign that said "Saftey" and changed it to "Safety". I alphabetically organised the kids charts. Because I cant find them any other way. I clashed with another carer when one child was upset and she wouldnt let me intervene because it was a challenge of authority.... but in reality the child had a bottle and the carer hadnt given it to her.. of course the child was upset. There is a sign on the wall that is meant to map our day.. I try follow that. But the other carers ... all say the sign on the wall is wrong and therefore the children should remain on their beds for 2 and a half hours.

I am new. I cant tell anyone (even ever so politely) to fuck off. I cant take 5+ children into a bathroom with 5 toilets, four child sized basins and four soap dispensers, one adult sized basin and one moveable soap dispenser and a change table. I simply cant do that. Not safely. And if I cant do it safely I aint doing it.

I had an awful day at work. And - at almost go home time.. a dear little fellow asked me to pick him up - and of course I did. Diarrhoea.... it soaked threw all my clothes. My cardigan my shirt and my shorts. I was meant to go to a committee meeting. I rang and begged that if quorum was reached.. to apologise for me. I was saved by the bell.

Then of course - Anna forgot her jumper for work and MOTH didn't want to go and get dinner even though he had to go out anyway.....and Will had school soccer ....

I dont think I am gunna cut it at the new job. Best I seek something else. Which is a shame really - I thought I was loving it. But after deleting half of what I have written so as to not... be mean to people I do .. have to interact with.... The person who attempted the "disciplinary action" at my two cigarette breaks has more herself for goodness sake.

I will just have to wait for them to fire me. I am not going to go outside in the cold because they say I have to. I might run my kids around the yard twice and go back into the heating. They wont be cold because the other carers think it is easier on the cleaning. I will take my two two minute breaks because I dont have two ten minute breaks like everyone else.

If they annoy me any more I will do it naked.