Terrible two's are nothing - wait for teenage girls!

Actually - choosing the title for this story isn't easy!


This photo was taken of me and my beautiful baby girls in 1992. Back in the horrid days of film camera where if you messed it up - you just messed it up. You couldn't take 300 of one thing. Sigh.

But I like this photo. Photo's of all the girls are rare in my album. See little Sara - with Anna on her knee? She was like their second mother - clucking and fussing over them. I used to watch in horror really - so much work for her, she so young and me telling her to watch her sisters, hold them, don't let them eat that and she took delight in playing "mother" to her sisters. She lived with her father and grandmother in Jugiong - for many reasons 98% of them considered to be the best move for her at that time. We would fly her up school holidays almost every time. The only times we didn't where when I couldn't find the finances to do it. (My three younger children have a different father to Sara)

So there is fifteen years of water under the bridge now. Some of the water was gorgeous and wonderful, some murky and unclear and some fucking tsunami proportions. Just excuse my terrible language - I feel perfectly okay to sit on the roof and just swear all the most awful words I know randomly. Good thing to me its cold outside today.

Yeah - I know - stop waffling on and tell why I am so wild.

When Sara went to Stella Maris (girls school in Manly) I felt sorry for her in that many girls at that school had money (and her parents where peasants and she attended the school at the good grace of her paternal aunt) - and so I went and got her a mobile phone exactly the same as mine. So this is 8 years ago? About that. I was warned this was a bad idea. But I figured I couldn't do much for her so far away for me and this would help her in the "prestige" stakes. I was after all once a teenager myself and understood that. The plan it was on should not of cost more than $40 a month - however Sara's first bill was $250. I rang her immediately.. cease and desist.. I understood the thrill being too much.. and she assured me it would be... curtailed. I understood too because I had the exact same phone and plan and even mine was a naughty $70. And then Sara's next bill was $250 too. Alarm bells started ringing. Then I would try ring her and a strange boy would answer the phone and hang up on me! When the bill totalled $750 I rang the phone company.. cancelled the contract (ie agreed to pay the $1000 to finalise it) and let it go.

My mobile phone is the exact same mobile phone from that ancient plan.

Daughter no2 has had a mobile phone for the past three years too. Cheapies ran on prepaid credit.. no lock in bills etc. Anna has been... not a great deal of trouble to me usually. We have certainly had "incidents" but generally Anna and I share lots of laughs and secrets. We bitch like friends instead of mother and daughter. We fight and argue like friends (usually) instead of mother and daughter. She can make me understand even her most dreadful actions.

BUT - add dramatic scary music here.

Anna told me that the "best" deals for phones where all on contract... and kept up this argument for quite some time. I explained to her that I had already fallen for the contract deal with her sister.. and that I didn't want to incur a debt that made me feel so bitter again.

Anna persisted in her clever arguments. She argued she had her own income. She argued she was responsible with money. She argued that I could trust her. She argued she wasn't Sara. She argued that it made better $ sense.

And I gave in. And the day before Anna left to the Pink concert - I signed for a phone thingy that had Internet and camera and video etc... for my dear baby No 2. And off she went for her adventure. Home she came as happy as can be.

And then.. suddenly.. with no warning... Anna and I had a terrible terrible fight. I wanted to watch tv in her room. (MOTH likes to watch awful shows so when he does I go watch tv with her) She told me how dreadful I was and how I made her entire life miserable and everything was my fault - and the fight started when she proclaimed she wanted to drop out of school? And that everyone Else's parents had nice cars and didn't turn up daggy anywhere and that feeding children strange and somewhat exotic vegetables (bok choy) could be classed as cruelty. And I had consumed a few wines - so she cleverly added that the wine makes me a complete bitch... and I guess I am so used to being belittled.. I copped my wounds from her words squarely and went to bed very sad and upset. She left for school early Tuesday.. leaving me a note... the mobile phone was broken and I had to ring the company to give them my drivers license as confirmation as to who i was for the insurance claim.

I was so .. flabbergasted? She had led me into a useless fight about nothing that did nothing but bewilder and frighten me. And while I nursed my tear sore eyes and swollen nose... and read her note... she had FUCKING broken the brand new phone... and chose instead to be on the offensive rather than the defensive...

I had wonderful visitors and so had to downplay my hurt a little... and yet I felt so bloody stupid. My girlfriend, Moth and even Sara had warned me this was a stupid move on my part. And eventually two weeks later my insurance claim was processed and a replacement phone came.

So - Ok we move on. More water under the bridge and no time to feed the ducks and admire the lillie's.

Very early Saturday morning Anna arrives home from a party I wasn't all that keen on her going to - covered in a blanket with her clothes all wet wearing someone Else's clothes. And her friend.. is definitely ill.. (Simone) and MOTH's a little irritated... and I calm him down with.. oh for heavens sake you were young once too.. they are home safe.. all is well.

This very Saturday I was invited (three hours before I should add - no one ever remembers me) to a party at one of the few friends I have locally. A bloody Tupperware party. Kelly is one of my most lovely friends.. but a bloody Tupperware party! But I think - heck its an excuse to drink bubbles during the day. And I did break her ski tube.

I don't get many excuses to go out by myself with adults and have a drink during the day like that. And I quickly make some chicken meatballs and wings... and rock on over. To a room full of women I don't know except the host and my long term friend Meg. One or two I have seen before but I don't know. No one introduces me to anyone. But I am feeling brave. I am gunna enjoy myself.

At the first excuse I can see I clear out of the room where the demonstration of plastic crap for the kitchen is going on. (After I ate all the anchovy olives - I love them)Anyway - the women were LOVELY. We giggled and laughed.. swapped stories.. slipped down our glasses of bubbles in a ridiculous fashion.. told jokes... exchanged phone numbers, discussed SUITABLE excuses for parties.. (ie - none) rather than come buy stuff you don't want... I am on A ROLL BABY. I AM LAUGHING AND HAVING FUN... I have already decided Mahli, Kathy and Joy No2 are keepers for friends. They are funny and nice - and have nothing stuck up their backsides to make them mean.

One thing happened that wasnt so nice. I was talking to Mahli about drafting and engineers and boring stuff like pdf-ing maps I guess... and it must of bored my friend Meg. So suddenly.. she said "I just cant picture Mel working in CHILDCARE" and she proceeded to laugh for .. what felt like an abnormally long amount of time. She ended her very long laugh.. with.. "I am sorry I must sound like a real bitch". I said what I could... "Nah - tis ok... I am sure you could say worse".

But - her actions did hurt... but Mahli seemed to miss them other than the quizzical face of hers at Meg's laughter.. so it had to be ok?

And then Anna arrived. She was hungover.. I knew that. But I didnt expect her to be so ungracious and rude as I introduced her to my new found friends. She snarled at me to go home. She barely acknowledged my introductions to the ladies. She kept insisting I had had almost two hours so therefore it was time for me to go home. Nope. I wanted to stay. MOTH took Anna and Meg home. And he came back. And I kept playing till I couldnt play anylonger.

I walked back inside and hollared at Anna.. why the heck was she so rude. And she went back for me.. why the heck cant I just go home I had been told I only had two hours etc. The fight esculated as I said.. no way I am the adult if I want to have fun I can...and it soon got out of hand - utterly out of hand where in we were so mean to each other it was rediculous... and I said.. thats it .. go then - live with your father if I am so awful.. and she said.. I am off to Madisons.

Good then.

She rang at 7 am Sunday morning and said do I come home or stay at Madison's. I said.. "Come home I guess... yes.. for goodness sake come home."

We stayed cool to each other last night. And I really hurt. My beautiful baby was mad at me because I had the hide to want to stay out longer than two hours... and I felt really really bad.

Tonight she told me.. on the Friday night she went out and came home with her vomit ridden clothes that she dumped at the front steps and someone elses blanket and bad temper for me.... she lost the goddamn phone. I dont think I want to do another insurance claim on this phone. Its less than two weeks since we got the replacement. My insurance record is almost perfect.. I have made one claim in 1989 and I wasnt at fault.

For Joy, Moth and Sara who can all tell me "I told you so"... I thank you all so much for not saying it.

Signed... Mel the dumbass.