Yet another drama

Jane (daughter no3) "self harmed" again.

When I got home from work Tuesday there was a message from Jane to ring her casual workplace and let them know she was available for the holidays. I am not terribly fond of talking on the telephone - and told Anna (daughter no2) to ring Jane and let her know that she would have to ride her bike, catch the bus or use taxi's to get to work because I am working full time and no longer available at their demand. The phone call went a little "screwy" in that Anna was blunt to her sister... and the call was definitely not a loving call between sisters. MOTH also gave his two cents as Jane argued she was not riding a bike to work - and Anna relayed the information that Jane called him a "dickhead". Jane then hung up on her end after telling Anna she wouldn't come home at all. I was cooking dinner and listening but deciding not to participate in the argument. I guess hindsight's a beautiful thing and I should of taken the phone off Anna and talked to Jane myself. I felt tired and didn't want to argue with anyone.. or disappoint Jane with this information that is fact - when Mummy works - she cant play taxi and be ready to prepare uniforms at five minutes notice. I have no excuse for my apathy. I just.. didn't bother.

I did feel hurt Jane wasn't coming home at all. I felt that was mean - ok I cant do what she wants me to do but punishing me by not coming home at all to me felt mean.

It is a funny adjustment this family has. When I don't work - we have very little spare money. When I do work - the family has extra duties and responsibilities - dinner is late, washing is done at midnight, I leave notes for the kids to do the washing up and lifts to and fro - don't occur. I reckon the world over.. knows this stuff.

So .. I waffled again.

Kids sperm donor rang last night - absolutely blasted Anna on the phone - our telephone conversation had caused Jane to cut her skin again with a blade. Anna was in tears as she relayed what he said ... he had tore into her.. threatening MOTH with bodily harm, blaming us on Jane's misadventure...

I immediately rang the hospital. The nurse at emergency told me Jane had been admitted less than three minutes ago and she would have to call me back. So.. I waited. She called back and told me that the boarding school Jane attends had instructed her that she was only to talk to the father. I was LIVID.

There are no legal constraints - I am on the emergency contact list for boarding school at number 2.

I very impolitely just hung up. The truth is.. I don't trust myself when I am that cranky and will do that on a telephone. If I say what I really think it will get me in further trouble.

I rang a friend who I knew would do her best to find out what had happened. At that stage I didn't know if Jane had really.. harmed herself or if it was just another scratching at herself to... I have no idea why she would cut herself. I just know shes being admitted to emergency and no one will talk to me.

Jane drew blood this time with the scratches. That is still all I know. She is home at her fathers. She has been expelled from boarding and plans to attend as a day girl now. We discussed the possibility of her coming home and attending a local school here. She seems concerned that isn't what the rest of the family wants. She is only going to spend one week this holidays with us. She has to visit specialist doctors (read shrinks) next week.

But here is what happened via email from the dear boarding school. For Jane's sake and no others I am going to erase the names.

I sent this last night when I was told I was not allowed to have information due to the directive of the boarding supervisor.

From: Melissa
Sent: Wednesday, 13 June 2007 9:39 PM
To:
Subject: Jane



The head of boarding tonight informed the Yeppoon hospital not to give me any information on the welfare of my daughter Jane Blank.



Ironic that I must be listed somewhere as in the past it is me who has been rang for other incidents and me who has had to travel to be at Jane's assistance. Heck - boarding has rang ME before to get the money for Jane's travel when her father hasn't paid it.



Jane's father rang her sixteen year old sister to tell her that somehow her telephone conversation with Jane last night is to blame for a serious self harm condition that has resulted in her being hospitalised.



I was present at this end of the conversation with Anna and Jane on the telephone. The conversation was relating to her holiday employment and the unavailability of myself to drive Jane to her workplace during the working hours.



And your school refuses me to even contact my daughter? Or to be told the extent of her injuries?



I hope none of you ever ring a hospital frantic with worry about your daughter and be told we cant give you any information because some stranger from boarding says only tell the father.



Melissa

The reply I got today after work was this.. and I must say it absolutely infuriated me.

From: blank
To: melchri@aapt.net.au
Sent: Thursday, June 14, 2007 11:57 AM
Subject: FW: Jane


Dear Ms Collins,



I am in receipt of your email regarding your daughter Jane’s hospitalization last night.



There seems to be a few misunderstandings. We did not instruct Hospital staff not to speak to you. Mrs Blank, our Head of Boarding, was nearby when a nurse took your call. When Mrs Blank was told you had phoned, she simply remarked that we had already contacted Jane’s father because he is the parent with whom we mainly communicate. We felt it was his prerogative to contact other family members.



We know nothing of any family conversations that may have occurred, so I feel it inappropriate for me to comment on these matters.



We have had many anxious moments with Jane and are, indeed, very worried about her welfare. Blank Blank herself spent nearly five hours last night dealing with Jane’s situation.



My staff work very hard in very difficult circumstances at times – and deserve respect and support.



Blankety Blank

Principal




Which infuriated me enough to respond with this.... (I deserve an award.. you should of seen what I first wrote they could stick four dozen horny goats covered in ticks and fleas and where)

What an incredibly insulting and rude reply! I am Jane's MOTHER - I am on the list of emergency contacts. There is absolutely no reason why I should of been treated so rudely last night. I had no idea of the extent of Jane's injuries until 10pm when a family friend was able to contact Jane. Your staff might have stopped to think for a moment that Jane's father happens to be a horse trainer and is asleep early in the evenings.

I do respect the fact Mrs. Blank was present at my daughter's incident and am glad that Jane had someone familiar with her - but you seem to be overlooking the fact Mrs. Blank is paid staff. I am her mother - the only information we had was that Jane had cut herself and was being taken to the emergency room at Yeppoon and a very (understandably) upset reaction from her father to Jane's sister. There was no other information.

I am on the emergency contacts list, have been since she started at the school and the only possible reason for me to not be able to ring my own daughter would be if Jane had of requested that herself.

Hospital staff clearly stated that only the father was able to receive information on the instruction of the school.

I acknowledge that Jane's treatment for her current behavioural episodes would be further detrimented by any animosity I bear for the actions of last night. But I absolutely reiterate the fact I should of been allowed contact with my daughter and the hospital and that the school had no legal reason or right to deny it to me.

Melissa

Right. So yet another episode that thwarts my dreams of happiness for ever and ever with the perfect family.. but hasn't stopped me one second believing it will happen.

I hope you were sensible enough to go read something funny.

I LOVE funny.