Ok - so last night I had a minor setback.

Yeppers - I drank about 6 cans of scotch and dry and 3 glasses of wine and fell into a wonderful deep sleep wherein neither Christian or the dog could make me move over. Dreamless wonderful sleep. You can call it camatose drunk or passed out or whatever. For me it was just wonderful. And really it has been years since so little wine can make me pass out so quickly. I also smoked about 13 cigarettes yesterday too. And today I had a headache and cough that wouldn't budge.

When I woke up my chest was as horrid as the days before I decided to quit. One lousy setback in almost two weeks and INSTANT return of the bad stuff. Worse - my face.

I get a terrible eczema on my face if I am stressed. On my FACE... so the whole world can see. Now if I got it somewhere that could be normally hidden I wouldnt be so pissed off at it. The week IMMEDIATELY after the nicotine patches, abstinence from alcohol and coffee... my face broke out horrifically. I was like the red lizard lady. If a circus had of been in town they probably would of employed me. And then Sunday - my skin was the best it had been in years. Wonderful - thought I. Then I woke this morning and there it was in all its red and scaley glory. I suspect it could be the preservatives in the wine.

Righto - so getting drunk and passing out isn't the solution. So I went to the local doctors. The GP (a pleasant enough Indian man - who somehow managed to tell me he has never had and addiction in his life - I refrained from calling him nasty names) noticed I suffer from "anxiety". No shit sherlock - I just told you I was giving up all three of my addictions. He said.. I don't know if it is wise for you to give up all three at once. I tried to explain that I don't know how to have one without another. (The amount of times I have poured scotch into my coffees so noone would notice?) Sheesh. He also told me he suffered from anxiety when he was a young man and yoga helped that. Righto - I will give that a go too then. (Almost everyone I know who does Yoga I have at least once thought - you are a fruitloop. Sigh)

Remember (or imagine) when you are raising toddlers. And you are nonstop distracting them.. say in the garden and they want to eat a slug... and you have to distract them with something else..and then of course they find a snail or a worm... and also want to taste them.. and you gently remove slimy creature and show them the flower.. which they also want to taste? and then you try the swings? Non stop distracting toddler from revolting stuff because who the hell would have the energy to yell at them every time for doing it (and frankly when they do eat one.. it isn't that big of a deal.All my kids did manage at least one revolting thing.) Distract and perservere with more appropriate suggestions.You know - the old smear the cot and wall with the faeces routine.. it means you need more toys in the cot. The old .. examine one's genitals when in the pram at the mall or bank managers office - you distract with more toys in the pram and more difficult apparel to get into. I AM THE TWO YEAR OLD. But there is no one to distract me - I have to distract myself.

Me addict - I want a smoke.

Me distracter - No you want a nice long walk.

Me addict - I would like a drink BEFORE THE NICE LONG WALK

Me distracter - Yes - you would love a vegetable juice that claims to have antioxidants and lots of healthy things in it.

Me addict - I hate you, I hate life, I hate vegetable juice, everything is evil and picking on me... and I want something bad and evil and I want it now. (insert stamping tantrum and expletives here... possibly even throwing something too)

Me distracter - let's find your walking shoes.

Me addict - what is in it for me?

Me distracter - well the nice long walk will make you tired and have a nice sleep tonight.

Me addict - lying adult no fun bastards.

See - it is exactly the same as dealing with toddlers. Exactly!

The lack of sleep is what makes me so irritable and unreasonable. So - the Doctor prescribed me something (Zamhexal- oh I asked the chemist for the cheap alternative - I always do) for "anxiety" that he thinks will help and I wont get addicted too. And something for my face. When I already told him... after ten days of no booze my face had completely cleared up. I bought them both anyways. I have smoked about 8 cigarettes today ..... tomorrow is another day. To me... eight from 40 is a wonderful achievement. Both packets of tablets say "may cause drowsiness". I bloody hope so.