The stupidity of smoking cigarettes part 1

Approaching my 38th birthday I was wrangling with my stupid behaviour of cigarette smoking. Notwithstanding the fact I have in recent months developed the crusty horrific cough of a smoker as an after effect of what should have been a simple case of the flue. I remember looking at ANCIENT (my age now) hard drinking, harder living women in the small town I grew up in thinking what bloody idiots are they. Not only was I doing the same thing, but to aid my ghastly cough when smoking I was gulping down cough syrups and swigging on water all day – especially before and during smoking. And at places of work or where some form or decorum was necessary I was HIDING THE COUGH SYRUP and not the cigarettes? Add the lozenges I sucked on, the times I have soaked my fingers in bleach to remove the yellow stains, spraying my hair with perfume cause I don’t have time to wash the smell out and what I have subjected my teeth to in order to get rid of the stains – which the dentist says quite bluntly –JUST STOP SMOKING. Nah not me. I go pay him a couple of hundred dollars to get the stains off instead. Or make myself puke with vinegar and bi carb soda and scrub until I am satisfied.

I was smoking up to 40 cigarettes a day. I answered the quit coach guide online and said I was smoking 30. (It is poetic license … not an out an out lie. SOMEDAYS I PASSED OUT DRUNK AND DIDN’T GET TO SMOKE THE WHOLE PACKET HONESTLY) That wretched thing came back and told me I was spending $85 a week on my addiction. Noice hey? $4 k a year on stuff I smoke and cough like an old hag over.

So, somewhere in the folds that I call sanity I decided that this is my year to quit. I hadn’t really discussed it with anyone – it had just been a long discussion with myself. We talk a lot me and I. Just such a dreadful shame we disagree with each other so often!

Wednesday morning was my birthday and I fully anticipated a sleep in, a late breakfast with my two youngest daughters, (William being away) shopping and then cooking for friends for wine and nibblies. I had smoked my head off and drank two bottles of wine on Tuesday night. So of course at 9am work rang and said can you get in here ASAP. BLAH! I drank two cups of coffee and smoked 7 cigarettes in 20 minutes while dressing suitably and putting on makeup.

Anna (daughter No.2) wonderfully took control of catering for wine and nibblies – which is a fairly common occurrence in this house anyway – but she outshone herself. Jane (daughter no 3) wasted her last ten bucks buying me a beautiful thoughtful present. Anna went overboard and spent way too much money – her newly gained appreciation of work and money has somehow been .. Misappropriated in direction. Pleased though I am at her generosity it is misdirected at me!



M and K arrived in full birthday mode – gifts and more wine! And when I announced my plans to go on the nicotine patches in the morning both were suitably supportive with my plans. We enjoyed our food and wine and giggles. And then they went home to their families. Christian soon passed out. And Anna had unfortunately chosen that night of all nights to conduct a sleep over with two girlfriends …… and I spent a little time crying to myself as I heard them have fun while I sat alone. Contemplating my misery at giving up my beloved white smoking thing that has kept me and I company for so long.

I am going to post this now because Blogger keeps mucking me up and losing things.. or is that me? Nevermind.