I am a little bit behind and confused at the moment. So many different hurts around me.. and sometimes I dont seem to cope very well with them. Time is my enemy - but I am my real worst enemy. I waste emotions and waste time...
I knew I was feeling.. somewhat sad this week and decided to take a sick day.
Very late last night I checked my msn email (which I almost never bother with) and learnt a friend had lost her son in a tragic... well accident is the wrong word. An accident is an unforseen event. It isnt an accident that if you drive under the influence of prescription drugs you can cause something horrible. My friend was not a close friend - but someone I love anyway.
I keep thinking of her beautiful boys and that... that one is gone and its.. so dog gone awful. I cant imagine her pain but I cant help shedding tears when I think of how... awful it would be for her.
I have to complete a course for work - it is a job requirment and my trainer was meant to be there on Monday to observe my performance. She didnt turn up. I did receive a note today that apologised and that the floods were the reason. I am completely unaware of floods between where the trainer is and where I am.
It is my little princesses birthday today. And last night she just cried on the phone to me and spoke about her life. She wasnt very kind to her friends in our conversation and she didnt once think to ask how I am.
A calamity of errors meant I didnt attend trivia tonight. I am pleased my friends did lose - it means I can pretend I am smart for another week.
I am very grateful that I have really wonderful friends and amazing people to love.
I just feel a little.. crowded? One of my friends has a marvellous sense of humour that makes me roar....she can delight me in many ways.
I am so glad I found blogs.
I think my Mama is being treated cruelly and I am scared at how to react.
I have a dozen people I am meant to contact and haven't.
I just feel rather lost...
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8 comments:
Oh boy
Im so sorry to hear of your friends loss... I cant imagine (nor want to if the truth be known)what she must be going through.
The dozen people you are meant to be contacting.. will understand or they will contact you. Just remember, one step at a time Mel, try to combat everything at once and you will continue to feel lost. Baby steps through you whole life, has hurt no one :) Hugs
btw, I, for one, am also glad you found blogs - you got us all started too !
Oh boy
Im so sorry to hear of your friends loss... I cant imagine (nor want to if the truth be known - its just too painful to imagine) what she must be going through.
The dozen people you are meant to be contacting.. will understand or they will contact you. Just remember, one step at a time Mel, try to combat everything at once and you will continue to feel lost. Baby steps through you whole life, has hurt no one :) Hugs
btw, I, for one, am also glad you found blogs - you got us all started too !
Well, blogsite having a hissy fit or what? lol
never mind.. if its worth saying, its worth saying twice right?
Joy - Beckles was the friend and Nathan was the son. I still cant think about it too much.
Love you.
Oh.. and we can be gone on the 23rd so Micci can have a slumber party.
Phuck... phuck oh phuck oh phuck
other words escape me right now
Oh sweets, it sucks hard when we feel like this. I'm sorry for your friends loss and I hope things get better for you soon.
hi mel, so very sorry for your freinds lost, i remember her from chat :( , i know i dont stay in contact that often but.... always there, never forgotten to those i care about , be good to yourself and babysteps are the only way
love ya
carrie
I agree with the baby steps. Try to take a deep breath and keep it all in perspective. When I get overwhelmed I try to step back and remember to keep it in the day... not easy but necessary.
And I'm glad that you feel comfortable enough to share your pain with us.
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