Oh just Angst.. and not enough gin or scotch!

I have had 30 stories to tell. I mean it.. thirty! Oh ok maybe three.

I wanted to blog the story of yesterdays funeral of little Cricket the dog. And William's misery at the Socceroos demise? And I have worried a little about P - but know Lishy will help her if she can. Of jobs I want but arent meant for? And documents from my current job that.. read like a joke? (It is the only mail i have got all week too!) Of listening to children and thinking,... I should pull them up on that story and then thinking... nah,,, they are only telling me it is safe....

And ME! Losing it completely when Anna returned home late tonight! I made Jane dress with me hurridly,,, I had used the last of my phone credit calling Lishy....on the wrong damn number at first.... and Anna was at least an hour late home. On finding her and Robert I said.. best u both sleep at home than walk the streets late at night. Stepfather and sperm donor are so gunna be wild at me tomorrow! More - really cause she told me she would try get home early. And she has been enjoying busting shoplifters lately and a few have made threats towards her. Her being her means she thinks,,, "My Mum will have your ass..." and really what the hell could I do? I just yell a lot? The kids from next door dont worry about me yelling ONLY because we have a truce agreement we just know from looking at each other. We dont get mad at each other because I understand what they go threw and they understand I am a complete wimp and will always open my door for them. I will yell and be mad.. but I never say no to them. I can no longer go anywhere and not have them call out hello to me. Today... one of the kids little brothers.. I am not sure of his name... sang out to me... Mel - mum said i have nits! We were at the petrol station. I am never sure what I should say back.(He didnt have nits .. I have checked.... he was scratching all over cause of bugs not head lice)

Oh back to the bomb shell. I let Robert sleep over and basically said I would prefer that in future to worrying at night. Have I made a dreadful mistake? Anna said.. oh we can sleep on the sofa bed. I said .. oh no.. dont do that.. I have to talk to your stepfather alone first before he sees the two of you asleep on the sofa. I said.. cant you just sleep top to bottom tonight and let me deal with this tomorrow. Jane started fits of laughter... snorting and farting..... and I realised I had chosen my words ... badly............

I said.. DO NOT SLEEP TOP TO BOTTOM. that was it... everyone was laughing except for William who still wants to kill spanish referees and Italians (I am kidding) Poor Robert is as red as beetroot and Anna recovers to remind me how ghastly I am.............. Anna knew i was going to mention birth control again and........... got really mad at me.

But I am happier knowing they are here. And I will be happier knowing Anna is at his grandparents house. I know them.. the kids are safe there. MY bravado will wear off with the wine. Christian (step father who put in 12 years and all the yakka)and Tom (sperm donor but i suspect he kept everything together for the kids) are going to kill me when they find out I said.. I would rather you two sleep together than wander about at night. I am so up shit creek. But when the headlines of the papers ran threw my head a few hours ago when Anna was not at home... it all felt just fine to me?

I have tried to convince Anna to use birth control. She gets mad at me! I tell her birth contol can fix pimples. She gets madder at me. The time I put condoms in her draw.. she REALLY got mad at me. I am LESS scared of her getting pregnant... THAN i am of some awful person hurting her. I also think she is smart.. and wont let anything hold her back. Especially not me or her family history. Jane and I roared laughing. I am so introuble tomorrow. I am not even worried now about how mad the neighbour will be at the back fence after our loss to Italy.