Utter humiliation

Submission to Support Blue Card Application

Address the information listed;

The information is almost correct. My partner smoked cannabis. I agree with the part about how when the police raided our home at 8am in the morning I showed them immediately anything connected with it. I completely disagree cannabis was ever used in front of children or anywhere near them. The cannabis was kept in our bedroom and the children were always discouraged from entering our bedroom. I did become “difficult” that morning however – even though I had taken the police officers directly to what they were after they insisted on searching the rest of the house including the bathroom where my 11 year old daughter was in the shower TWICE. I probably shouldn’t of yelled at them. But in hindsight I still would of yelled at them. I didn’t see it necessary for two men to enter the bathroom when my daughter was in the shower. I find it very hard to believe three adult males mistook my… excited (hysterical?) reaction as me “showing no remorse”. Really – if I showed no remorse why would I have taken them immediately to it?

Tell about the events forming the basis of the information;

I annoyed a person who was aware of my partner smoking cannabis… and shortly after the “events’ unfolded. Two days before the “event” I made a ridiculously stupid comment to the Department of Families representatives that my partner’s use of marijuana was “None of their business” and I told them to leave my house. I have no idea what to say about this. Should I have lied and denied it? Should I have thrown the man who supported us for all those years out immediately?

Tell me the background of the information;

My partner works 10-12 hour days in the sun using jackhammers and heavy machinery basically digging holes all day. He used cannabis to calm him when he gets home. I don’t condone and have never condoned any illegal activity however he is an adult and can make his own choices. He wears earmuffs all day – and comes home still shouting without being aware he is. He suffers from aches and pain and occasionally terrible sunburn.

He would smoke the cannabis in our bedroom and then become quieter and calmer. He has been a good provider to me and my children.

Tell me your personal circumstances at the time of the event/s listed in the information.

My partner was (and is) the sole provider to the family. We were new to town and I worried that if he took the blame for it, as he drives heavy machinery – he could lose his job. With four children and various financial commitments the thought of that was worse to me at the time than the possible consequences. Come to think about it maybe I should of thought about the consequences! I don’t even have speeding tickets on my record. I consider myself to be honest, reliable, patient, and compassionate and I have always contributed to the community.

I do find this terribly embarrassing and regrettable. My children are responsibly educated about substance abuse, illegal drugs and anything harmful. Stranger danger, keeping themselves safe and healthy have been paramount to my raising children over the past 21 years.



Tell me about your experiences/interactions with children;

Over 21 years I have raised my four children as best as I could. My only regret is that I wasn’t able to provide them with very much money. I wish I could just line them up in front of you – I have four well adjusted sensible kids who are all worthy of pages of comments. I have assisted girlfriends with babysitting and cooking, cleaning, laundry, assembling play equipment, attending P & C, fundraising, taxiing children to sports games, sleepovers, being a listener when a child has a problem – and talking when I have a problem with one of mine. When a girlfriend has had a problem such as a relationship problem, or is hospitalised for childbirth or has had to travel to attend something – I take on their kids. It isn’t easy taking on four extra kids in a three bedroom house – but we always managed.

This week alone – I have taken my son, daughter no 3 and one of William’s mates to Rockhampton for a soccer carnival wherein we stayed overnight. The carnival was held in pouring rain and I had very wet, muddy and grass riddled clothes and shoes to dry, dinner and breakfast too cook and forms to fill in, teeth to be brushed…..ego’s to be dealt with, knees to be bandaided. Entertainment to be provided (I recommend the movies Dr Doolittle 3 and Goal – ok so the boys did ewww at the kissing scene), crushed toenails to be fixed up. Soccer games not to be tolerated in other peoples houses.

I do the afternoon lifts to school for daughter no 2 and two of her friends. Her friends’ mother does the morning lift. Daughter no 3 attends boarding school. Daughter no 1 is a competent driver.

I have talked to them about the topic of death (my aunt died on Monday) and the kids had.. Difficult questions. They wonderfully took over my cooking dinner role both Monday and Tuesday to express their condolences to me. (Sadly they didn’t see the cleaning role – but hey!)

I have driven William to soccer with another mate who’s mum had forgotten about Wednesday soccer and I knew she was at work. So I have sent daughter no 2 to tell other mother where her son was.

This afternoon is a girlfriend’s sons birthday – and the cake and jelly is cooling/setting now for that. I am very aware of the kind of mess such a cake is going to make. But it is all for the fun for the kids. And the neighbourhood children will be here by MAGIC… no need to invite them.. somehow they just all KNOW. I love cooking for kids.

Tomorrow is another (this one school) soccer carnival at Benaraby. As of now I am taking two other children. It will probably end up being three. We have to leave here by 7.30 to start the first game at 8.15. And I stay till the last whistle is blown. And then I will have to call in and fax this thing to you. And then I will need to launder all the soccer gear for:-

Saturday morning is again soccer, and taxiing daughter no 2 to cheerleading training. In the afternoon we attend a party for another mate of Williams. I only have to take patty cakes and fairy bread to that one.

Now – times that by 21 years. ALL I have really done is take care of children. I often had to work part time too. Often other people’s children are the ones I have taken care of. I don’t think there has been ONE DAY that I haven’t interacted with someone else’s children. It has been 21 years of nappies, and snotty noses, and bandaids and trying to sneak nutritional food into them. I made pumpkin ice-cream once – it took ages till the neighbourhood kids trusted me again after that one. Of vomit, broken bones, of dead pets, of head lice! We have had neighbourhood delousing with a dozen kids and three tired mothers combing and combing and applying chemicals from the chemist and not getting it in their eyes…. and trying mayonnaise that we found of the internet. (Works too but the kids smell like salad for a bit) I have dealt with SO many issues with children – from fighting with friends/parents/teachers to loss, to not being able to do a cartwheel, or keep your feet on the ground when you throw a ball; to accepting themselves when they have a PIMPLE that they think means is the end of the earth. I have experienced their joys and successes and felt madly proud of children that are not mine but have been part of my life. I have sat in the emergency room with not only my children, but friends and been there for them. Absolute classics like beads up the nose and falling from a tree or JUMPING FROM THE ROOF…. I have caught the neighbourhood children (too late) using another parent’s expensive bathroom turps clean up blue paint to paint the tree house. I have taken babies home with me or for long walks in a pram for a few hours so the new mother could have a few hours sleep. I have had to get out of a car and vomit myself after three kids in the backseat have all suffered car sickness after eating twisties and drinking chocolate milk. And cleaned that mess out.

My interaction with children? It would take me too long to tell you it all. School projects, and spelling tests and revision and research and teaching how to tie shoe laces. Of the joy of neat bookwork, of the hours of reading boring children’s books – and the joy when you realise they too like A.A. Milne. And the commiseration and sorrow at the unhappy child who failed a test or kicked a soccer goal for the wrong side. (Oh ok – the latter one was funny too.. but I stifle my laughter)

Of the kid next door who’s parents fight late at night and how the quiet knock on my front door and the “Go climb in the bunk in William’s bed” and how sometimes things are better left unsaid. Of the heartbreak of the child with a sole parent with problems who tells me “I will never have a car or a job” and my endless tirade of “No, no – never think like that – there is nothing you can’t achieve.” While still being careful to not say anything that would degrade his mother who is doing the best that she can.

Of inappropriate comments and the children – example “Oh don’t you look lovely today!” and a small person tugging my skirt and saying “but mummy you said she looks like she is wearing a tent!”.

Of the two years of lack of sleep with an apnoea baby and at the two year check up finding out he has bone tumours. Of the misery and worry at the operation and the horror of finding the surgeons had shortened his arm. And the worry he would get “picked on” at school, and the beauty that my partner never allowed William to be any different from any kid. Without my partner I probably would of kept him in cotton wool. The taking the fear out of my own eyes as my partner taught him to skateboard and ride bikes and play in the surf.

The frustration and work on the girl’s grammar and spelling as text messaging seems to intrude on their every day writing. Of bedwetting, and sleepwalking and nightmares and sleepovers where at midnight the child would decide they needed their mummy! Of fishing at the beach wherein a flock of children would join us and I would spend all my time untangling dreadful messes. Of talks of colour, and light and how a tree is not brown for the trunk and green for the leaves. Of getting them to look and feel and taste and explore. Of talks on pregnancy and std’s and the necessity to chose friends and make decisions wisely. Of the horror when daughter no 1 didn’t listen and got pregnant anyway! Of the inability to do anything about it – because the authorities said her father allows the boyfriend to live there and you are just the mother – you can’t do anything about it. Goodness – I so must not touch on that one! That one makes me cranky with you guys – the ones I feel like I have to grovel too? I am grovelling to the same department (with changed names) that allowed Daughter no 1 to run away to her father with her drop kick boyfriend and make her life HARD (she has a beautiful baby boy.. but it is still not easy for her) She will be 22 this October with a five year old son and hasn’t completed all of her education and works in a damn bar. Thankfully she has a work ethic. Had you lot let me drag her home I bloody would of. She would be carefree and educated and not worrying about bills. The only drunks she would be worrying about would be her own family.

As far as I was aware – this blue card was introduced so that our children would be free from sexual predators interacting with them. Not for a second did I imagine I would be rejected from one. I guess if my submission is rejected I can stop working with Women’s Health and forget my love of helping the English students. I won’t be able to babysit anymore. I certainly cannot transport kids. I also feel like 21 years of damn hard work and utter devotion has been flushed down the toilet. I have done all the sex talks. I have given my own children information and always listened to them. I am utterly devastated and cranky and humiliated and .. ok embarrassed means the same thing.

I have never advocated the use of dangerous drugs. No wait – the mad woman who dobbed me in…. I think I said to her one day… maybe you should try pot. That woman was 40 years old. I said it half joking and half thinking…. Wow you should calm down. It was a dumb thing for me to say.



Tell me anything else which you think might be relevant.

Sometimes I volunteer – at Women’s Health; I used to volunteer at the Community Advisory Service. I worked there for a while too. I worked at the Senior Citizens Centre and the clients still visit me for help at home. I help the coordinater for the computer class whenever I can. I started the training for tutoring at Tafe in English. To continue that I would need a blue card. We have often volunteered for school yard clean ups – with not only our labour but our equipment. After this “incident” I converted the fine to community service which I performed at St Vinnies in town. I kept going long after I had fulfilled the hours. I was a casual legal secretary for 15 years. My kids HATE IT when I work.. They like me home at 3 pm. Last year I volunteered to help the secretary of the Yaralla Junior Soccer club who couldn’t perform her duties. The family have often volunteered at Clean Up Australia day. I like helping people. (I do shirk tuckshop duties – I really hate that)

It is extremely relevant that I have NEVER advocated the use of illegal drugs. I still lecture any available child’s ear about how stupid smoking cigarettes is! I DO NOT smoke cannabis. As to the cultivation charge – the plants were in my herb and vegetable garden. This is the reason the plants were watered every day. There was no special treatment given, it was just a matter of watering my garden.– the plants were in my herb and vegetable garden.