Hump Day blog

In the past I have had to write some extremely boring stuff. I mean boring stuff. Policy and Procedure, funding applications, letters from hell,Reports on the same old same old same old selection criterias etc. Mind numbing boring crap. It can be incredibly painful. And you have to do it because either your being paid to do it, or you promised you would help out or your helping a friend...... and hell... painful - I have given birth and had teeth taken out. I can do painful.


A girlfriend once taught me to write two - one a send up of whatever you are doing and the other the real one. It works wonderful when your doing a PowerPoint presentation or something like that. You find the real pictures of the committee members.. mess with them a bit... and completely send it up. Set the music to "who let the dogs out" or similar. (If anyone has a copy of Tex Morton's "Old Blue" I am so eager to get it) You MUST remember to delete them after you get the real one finished. But it is so much easier to write the boring stuff! You spend 15 minutes laughing at your funny one... and then you seem to know where the introduction etc goes into your real one. Trust me - you put pink fluffy slippers, comic balloons and cans of beer all over the floor next to the committee members and the words will just flow.

I always delete quickly the funny ones because I am too scared of the wrong person seeing my funny one. SOOOOOOOOOO many people in my life just don't have a sense of humour.

But anyway, Monday I rocked up to Women's Health and looking productive started glancing at the emails... and I found this wonderful gem in a PDF file to enhance community groups........ and the CEO had written this double entrende;-

"A good board member doesn't have to put his/her hand up for every
necessary chore - that way lies burnout. But they must be prepared
either to volunteer themselves or to finger someone else."

I am SURE she just used her WRONG one. And the only person who giggled... I suspect only giggled 'cause she is my friend. Anyone else I showed did the.. eyes roll backwards, step back and fake smile and quickly exit thingo. (Oh maybe it is just ME!)

The rest of this week I am at my new "real" job. Scarey stuff really. The school girl in me just won't DIE dammit. I am always the daggiest one. I always find toothpaste or peanut butter where it shouldn't be on my person as soon as I sit at my desk. Everyone else is always so glamorous and sophisticated. I am using my "covered in dog hair is the new black" face. I always laugh at inappropriate moments. I am always caught upside down under my computer wondering how hard it would be to open my tower with my nail thingo. I will always decide fiddling with my bellybutton or fly on my pants is an interesting thing to do for a break from the computer screen.

The UPSIDE is the money isn't bad and the work isn't hard. The downside is I get bored and - when I volunteer if someone asks me to do something and I don't want to... I just DON'T. Paid work and I realised I had to agree to go back into the 475 labels for files I had just made and bold all the fooking file numbers. I refrained from saying... the reason why this crap is being filed is cause NO ONE NEEDS IT ANYMORE.

The job is completely out of my recent realm. I don't know the answers, the best point of referral and man is my maths bad. I barely feel as if I am helping anyone. Some people are nice to me and claim I am. I am still not really sure what we even DO at our work. I know everyone is always heads down bum up working and no one says "poo". NEVER does anyone break into song and starts the "Hey roll me over, lend me an ear" stuff.

I had terrible trouble remembering how to use Word for maths formulas and ended up copying and pasting any time any maths was needed. Engineers use a lot of maths. Sigh. I had to come home to Anna and say... quick show me how to do this. She said something like "You show me a Mummy who remembers to clean our school uniforms so we don't have to put them in the dryer 30 minutes before school." I put my sockettes in her fish tank.

Then I worried the fish would die - so I pulled them back out again. It is the thought that counts. The dryer died this afternoon too. Double sigh.

My girlfriend Robyn is in Rockhampton this week. Part of me can't wait to see her. The good Mel in me tells me I so must not muck up this week. My normal fook ups are bad enough. I so don't need to be going into work holding an icepack to my head or worse still singing. Or calling in "gone fishing".

Read Jellyfish's blog on the leech ... hahahahaha... It is kinda sad my kids are older now and she won't be their educator. (I had the Julie Longdon's and man was I lucky)But I read that post and thought... I so can't say that in the past.. that so would of been any of my kids. If anything dreadful was gunna happen my kids would ALWAYS do it. (Julie would of stuck the leech in a bottle.. taught the kids about it... and made me take it home on Friday with a talk about it was appropriate for me not to encourage the children to play with stuff they find and don't know stuff about)

For the record I didn't encourage them.. I probably found it first.

Oh what a week. Cheerio.